Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

Thank you for your answers. Very enlightening. I had another question:

do you know why kohenin are prevented from marrying converts? It seems like the other restrictions on kohen marriage are to do with sexual purity - setting a higher standard for a kohen than other Jewish men - but I can't understand why a convert (who was a virgin) would be excluded. Do you have any thoughts?

Also to do with conversion - who would instruct a woman who wanted to convert? Are there women within the community who are teachers of the faith, or would she have to go to a rabbi?

Judaism values life. And with the state of the NHS ambulance service as it is with terribly long response time, the Jewish community came together and created their own ambulance service, funded off charity and amazing volunteers. They have a 2-6 minute response time. There are volunteers on almost every street in the Jewish community. I've had to use them multiple times for my kid with anaphylactic allergies. He'd be dead by now if not for them!
In America they tried to set up an ambulance branch run by women. I'm not sure how successful it is/was. Mostly because there wasn't enough volunteers.

Going back to your point about helping others (I'm here in order to better myself and give to the people and world around me) , you mentioned what you mean by that is charity and prayer when asked how can that be possible when being insular. This comment above makes me wonder. Why an ambulance only for Jewish people? Why not open up your ambulance service to your neighbours?

I have absolutely no connection or familiarity to any Jewish communities. I live in a small village where everyone is the same and the only other ethnicities are the ones who own the takeaways! I don't even know how to speak 'pc' as religion/cultures other than our own don't exist here.
But, thank you to everyone who asked a question and especially to those who took time to answer. I feel like the world would be a better place is we all took time to listen to eachother and respect each others boundaries.
I like the idea of 'Nida' (I may have got that word wrong, I've read so much on here!) I don't see it as a bad thing or unclean thing, it's a nice way to always reunite with eachother.

Thanks again everyone who contributed, I've certainly took alot from it.

I'm re-posting this, apologies if this has been answered by anyone other than OP.

I was brought up close to Stamford Hill, & my grammar school classmates were 30% frum.
I learnt a lot from them, but there are questions that I didn't think to ask.

I read a book that mentioned the mikvah in passing, & it seemed as if it was a communal bath. Is it? Doesn't seem very cleansing if so.

AFAIK, there wasn't an eruv in S.H. It strikes me as a rather hypocritical work-around, that defeats the object of Shabbos.

One for DH. How do bald men keep their kippahs in place?

Sorry if this has been asked, I tried to have a quick skim read of everything! What is your stance on gay people? How will you feel if any of your family is gay?

United synagogue is orthodox. It is the largest and main grouping of orthodox synagogues in the country..they cater to a very broad church of people from non observant to very orthodox, but their rabbis all adhere to orthodox teachings and beliefs. A lot of Jews in the UK may not keep Shabbat or strict kosher but still belong to an orthodox synagogue and worship there particularly for yom Kippur and festivals. My DH's father considered himself a baleit teshuva but his parents actually belonged to an orthodox synagogue even though they didn't keep anything..

This is quite different from the US where the majority of Jews belong to reform synagogues. I know Oxford Jewish community has different services, it is a grouping of different denominations..this is quite rare though, in practice Jewish people like setting up their own synagogues.. they say two Jews, three synagogues lol. I mean, non Jews would see the big synagogues with their own premises, but a lot of Jews also worship in small groups in residential homes and this is seen as just as valid.

@Conchersbonkers - that the Jewish community, at most about 250k people should subsidise the rest of society with a free ambulance service is not a practical suggestion, really.

Not sure if anybody answered this one - as the thread is moving very quickly, but as another orthodox mum - with a DS at university and a DD looking at Open Days at the moment, I am possibly better placed to answer than the OP, given that here children are probably still quite young.

First of all, mostly the Charedi community (both Chassidic and not) mostly don't go to university - they go on to study in yeshiva or seminary and/or gets jobs that don't require a degree - working in a/owning a shop, business etc. Sometimes they will, after their yeshiva time, do short term courses such as diplomas etc. There are exceptions, and even where they do, they will generally try and go to universities near where they live - eg London universities, so they can live at home.

The modern Orthodox community (which we are in) do mostly go to university, but even there, a lot try for London or Manchester universities so that they don't have to leave home. My DS is an exception, and even with him, one of his key criteria was to go somewhere where there were numbers of Jews, so at least there is a decent JSOC. That limited the universities that he was willing to consider - and he is finding it very tough, even so, being one of the only boys on campus with a kippah, and I believe has been taking it off a lot. It is not fun.

My DD is now looking at universities and we are having a bit of a nightmare about the intersection between somewhere where there are Jews, and somewhere that do what she wants to do. She is very worried about being one of the few religious Jews at Bristol, for example (Bristol of course having an awful reputation for antisemitism) - but they are really doing the perfect course for her. Other options are going somewhere where she will have virtually no Jews at all (the JSOC apparently had six members this year, and that is the first year they have operated, and that is across campuses) but coming home every Friday so she can be home for Shabbat.
Note by the way that because of Shabbat, we are very restricted in the Open Days we are going to. In order to make the only non Shabbat Open Day at Bristol work, we are going up on the Thursday night, and staying until Sunday, because we can't see how we can see what we want to see on the Friday and get home in time for Shabbat. Not fun, and a lot of people we know wouldn't go to those kinds of lengths, they would just give up on the idea. We are relatively unusual in that my DC are willing to look at this at all. I think it is a nice opportunity for us to see exactly what kind of community there really is in Bristol to provide some level of support for DD.

@JeweyJew what is the orthodox Jewish viewpoint on gay or lesbian relationships? Is it accepted or does it go against jewish teachings? If so would Jews with these views try to hide it in fear of being labelled as homophobic?

no, but they could offer services locally in their neighbourhood to non jewish people. Are you saying an ambulance dedicated to jews only is a great thing and they should not offer the service to their next door non jewish neighbour cos its not practical to do so?

There is no prohibition against a women viewing another women unclothed. So technically I could browse instagram without transgressing anything. My husband could not. He doesn't have a smartphone. He doesn't have a social media account other than LinkedIn.
However inorder to preserve the spirit of modesty, even as a woman, I try to limit instagram and my exposure to indecent material online,
If I viewed something immodest I'd just click off and scroll further. I try not to watch indecent films. I may mention to my husband what I saw, I might not. Its a personal choice and depends on each relationship. There is no obligation to "own up" if that's what you're asking.
I can tell that when I see my husband turning his head away from a sexy looking woman on a billboard, I feel so secure in my knowledge that I can fully trust my husband in my marriage. He won't even look at a picture of an improperly dressed woman!

Judaism doesn't give much room for gays and lesbians. A fundamental part of Judaism is the focus on the traditional family setup so people with gay/lesbian feelings will usually suppress them or leave the orthodox community.

This thread has been a wonderful read
as someone who is not religious but spiritual
i have so much respect for the Jewish religion.
I follow someone on Tik tok an American she’s a Orthodox Jew many of your replies have been similar to what she has posted.

my question is how do you feel about general members of the public’s perception of Jews being very rich?

I have nothing against Muslims solely based on their religion. As long as they aren't Jew-haters I'm fine with them.

In fact I run a business and all my employees happen to be Muslim (which makes it a problem when Eid comes about and they all want to take a day off at the same time...).

My next door neighbours aren't Jewish and while we don't shun them, we aren't especially close either. We maintain cordial neighbourly relationships, but as a rule our circle of friends are Orthodox Jews.

What would happen if your children were gay or lesbian? Would they and their partners be welcome in the community do you think?

Do you ever think it's a waste of your time?

How do you remain committed?

@jewishorthomum I'm a convert so will try to pick this up later if you're not sure how to reply. Busy ATM but following.

Thanks op, that's great to hear. Hope I am not risking offending here. I understand the reflex to be insular after having suffered so much collective trauma, but also feel that opening up a little would help both non jews understand your community and vice versa. Especially if your faith tells you to "better the world", which is larger than the jewish community. The world is largely not a bad scary place filled with immodest people who refuse to help each other. Practices such as marrying only from a community, having friends , offer services to and receive services from only your own community create a kind of self-reinforcing prejudice which the world really does not need more of...This is not only true for Judaism but for many other ethno/religious practices.

Thank you for answering my question and so many others.

I'd just like to respectfully let you know referring to a black person, or any other ethnic minority, as 'coloured' is widely considered offensive. I know it wasn't intended to be, but just wanted to mention it to avoid you inadvertently offending someone.

They go to any call.

But from a moral standpoint, these are people with busy lives and jobs, who donate many hours a year to train and keep current. They will also drop whatever they're doing and respond to emergencies.

All this is unpaid and done out of a sense of duty to fellow Jews. If one is ready to go the extra mile for their children or close family, does that make it sad if they aren't willing to do so for strangers? Especially as the non-Jews aren't paying in, so to speak, into the system.

Following on from the coloured thing, I had another question late last night which has been lost in the mists so I'll copy it here:

Have you come across racism within Judaism? There was a news item a few years back about the treatment of black people within the Jewish community, specifically Jews of Ethiopian origin, and a lot of them felt that they weren't accepted by the rest of the community as 'properly' Jewish, and it was often assumed that they must be converts. Is that something you've experienced, what would you say it's like in the UK for non-white Jews?

Respectfully it is for black people to define how they want to be described. Historically the term has many links to segregation.

surely it is important to be respectful to all people which is purely what this is about?

Absolutely not.

BTW in Judaism there is no such thing as a sexual identity. The sexual object of your desire doesn't define you any more than any other physical desire. Just as we don't have an identity for someone who likes pizza, we don't have an identity for someone same-sex attracted.

As I've explained somewhere above, there are forbidden relationships and these would absolutely have no place in Jewish society. (When I use the term Jewish in this context I'm always referring to religious Jews.)