Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

Sorry @jewishorthomum our posts crossed so I didn't see you had replied to my first one. Thanks for that. I think I was just a bit shocked that one of the other people responding on here said that the man on the plane acted so rudely "because he was uncomfortable" as if that was a complete answer.

Not the OP but its absolutely fine to see healthcare providers of the opposite gender. Gets weird when you won't shake their hands but then obv they have to touch you lol.

Personally I prefer female drs/midwives but its totally a personal thing and nothing to do with religion.

I never offer my hand any more as I used to live in an area with a huge amount of Muslims and learnt not to do so. I was extremely surprised and pleased one day, when the imam of one of the mosques offered me his hand in greeting. In over 20 years he was the only Muslim man to do so. Off topic I know, but IMHO it's best to wait for anyone who is from a religious minority /ethnicity to make the first move in respect of courtesies. I would also take my shoes off before entering a home where there were Muslims.
I would likewise ask if I was entering a Jewish home or facility if any courtesy from me was required.

1. I'm not an expert on the conflict and as I explained to @Chloe84 above, the way the conflict is being handled isn't really a matter relating to Judaism. Its a political matter. All Jews agree that Israel/Palestine is a place seeped in Jewish history and with massive Jewish significance. However whether it should be governed by Israeli government or otherwise, is a political debate, its not really a religious matter and there are varying opinions on it within the Jewish world.
2. I have never doubted my faith as being true. There are too many undeniable truths. I have questioned and questioned and questioned. Especially as a teenager I had to understand the reason and meaning to all our practices. Judaism welcomes questions.
3. There are multiple support groups for those struggling with infertility. The suffering of infertility is really hard for a Jewish ortho women where most of the women around them have large families and Jewish life is so kids focused. I myself had 3 miscarriages. I reached out to a Jewish organisation who helped fund a private medical appointment, paid for some medication, sent me care packages etc. The community views infertility with sympathy, and offers support.

This is such a great thread @jewishorthomum .Thank you so much for posting it. I'd just like to mention that in the different churches I've been to (and currently go to) we concentrate on our relationship with God and His son, Jesus. Yes. We do talk about heaven and hell as it's talked about in the bible, so it would be wrong to exclude it, but most of the new testament is about Jesus and His amazing love for us. Our love and obedience to Him is because He first loved us - not because we are scared rigid with threats of hell and damnation. We know it's a reality but it's not the main point. Because of what Jesus did, my salvation and place in heaven isn't dependent on my being perfect (I'd definitely fail that test) but I try my best to lead a life pleasing to God because I love Him. I'm currently reading deuteronomy and seeing the results of disobedience in the old testament! Makes me, more than ever, so glad that Jesus came! And doing good? In our new testament it says this.. 'For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'

@Ortiguilla thank you for the explanation.

Hi, great thread!

My question - what is the significance of being buried on the Mount of Olives? I visited Jerusalem a few years ago and was struck by vision of the tombs spread across the hillside.

@TheShellBeach @jewishorthomum there are definitely DV shelters for orthodox women in Israel run by charedi women. (I don't know about the UK)

Orgs like www.batmelech.org/ and www.nivcharot.com look like they're doing amazing and transformative work.

In the UK, there are orthodox synagogues, reform synagogues, liberal synagogues (reform and liberal denominations have announced a merger), masorti synagogues (middle of the road- emphasize observance but are more liberal about things like LGBT issues). Orthodox synagogues use the traditional liturgy and prayers are completely in Hebrew. I belong to a liberal synagogue, biggest difference is that men and women sit together unlike orthodox synagogues. Liturgy is a lot shorter and is bilingual (Hebrew and English) and there are also transliterations. Liberal synagogues allow LGBT marriages and have women rabbis (why I joined, did not want to be part of a religion that did not allow female clergy). Liberal synagogues also allow the playing of musical instruments during the service, the standard of playing in my synagogue is comparable with that of a cathedral. We also have a choir. This is because reform Judaism originated in Germany and the founders wanted the service to be more 'German' in nature (this was pre Holocaust).

I'm so sorry for your losses through miscarriage @jewishorthomum - a vast sadness for any woman anywhere

If a husband is abusive and refuses to sign the termination contract, Rabbis and community members would get involved, try convince him to sign. There have been scenarios where the community joint together and ostracized an abusive man who refused to divorce his wife. Thankfully these stories are rare. As far as I'm aware custody works usually through legal court as it does anywhere else.

I was thinking about the voluntary medical teams within the community; someone posted about fully kitted out ambulances and a lawyer who was training to be a voluntary paramedic in his free time. I wondered why this is a priority for the community? You mentioned earlier that medical appointments etc with non-Jews is no problem. Having an ambulance arrive within minutes sounds amazing, but where does the motivation to set the system come from? Would women volunteer as ambulance drivers/paramedics too?

I'm reposting my question from late last night because I think it's probably got lost in the huge volume of posts, and I've also thought of a new one:

How do you pray personally? Not the set prayers which you recite, but individual prayer in your own words or without words. Do Jewish people practise meditation, and if so what is it like? What would your day look like in terms of a prayer structure - how much time would an average Orthodox woman spend in private prayer?

And do you have any restrictions on things like yoga? As a Christian, we get a variety of opinions (some authorities ban it, others say it's ok). What do Jewish authorities teach on it?

You're not seen as less of a person and I don't know what gave you that impression.

In Judaism there are very strict laws around sexual morality. We are exhorted to be pure of deed, speech and thought. This means avoiding anything that has a hint of sexual impurity.

In practical terms this differs between the genders. Stereotypically men are the seekers and more sexually aggressive, which is why the laws for men focus more on that aspect. We shouldn't gaze at, chat with or even think about unrelated women. Irrespective of their age and/or attractiveness.

For women, as they are more prone to showing themselves and seeking to attract, the focus is on modesty. Meaning dressing in a way that covers most of the body, and doesn't draw attention - even excessive facial makeup or strong perfume in public is to be avoided. With extra care to not draw attention to the sexual areas of the body.

Hence why you see Jewish women walking around covered up, and Jewish men studiously averting their gaze.

We better ourselves and give to the world by following the guidelines of the Torah (bible). So when we give charity, act with kindness (to Jew or non-Jew), pray, and in general behave like decent and moral humans we are bringing light and goodness to the world.
Brother and sister can hug and kiss no problem.

Sorry your question was missed.
We have a pray from a prayer book 3 times a day, morning, noon and evening. Men are obligated to do this, women less so.
Personal prayer in ones own words is encouraged. Personally I whisper to God all the time. "God please let my students do well today", "God, I'm so tired, I really need my DS 4, to go to sleep quickly tonight.." Sometimes I'll intentionally say it out loud so that my kids hear my relationship with God.

Yoga, meditation is fine.

The synagogue near me is labelled as a United Synagogue. I always thought that probably meant that the different branches of Jews within the local area didn't have a big enough community each to form minyan so they held services together (Reform, Liberal, and Orthodox), but I've lately come across the organisation United Synagogue which is a solely Orthodox group. Do you think my local synagogue is part of this, or is it possible that it means what I originally thought?

@JeweyJew

When you say you would disown your child if they didn't want to be part of the faith any more, would that mean literally cutting them off and having no contact for the rest of your life?

Is this due to doctrine or your personal feelings? I noticed some other people said they wouldn't disown so I wasn't sure if it was technically a scriptural requirement / direction, or if it's more that you would personally find it impossible to deal with.

Would you disown them if they wanted to continue to identify as Jewish but marry someone who wasn't? I'm curious as I know a number of religious people, of different faiths, but none who would excommunicate a loved one for ceasing to practice their religion so I wondered if it's a scriptural thing or a personal thing to you.

This is MN where people go NC for something as small as not being invited to a party together with your dog.

The question isn't specific to Jews. Generally speaking, is there something so heinous that if your child were to do that, you would disown them? Perhaps murder? Child rape?

For many people the answer is that they would. If their child was so far removed from their core values, and committed such horrific crimes against humanity, they would disown them.

So now the question is just how strongly a role does Hashem and religion play in my life and how much do I see it as a core value. For me, while I might accept a child who's, heaven forbid, gone OTD (stopped being religious), marrying out would be a step too far.

Sorry I can see from your post just now you wouldn't disown if they stopped practicing but would if they married someone not Jewish, I got muddled up reading the previous post.

Judaism values life. And with the state of the NHS ambulance service as it is with terribly long response time, the Jewish community came together and created their own ambulance service, funded off charity and amazing volunteers. They have a 2-6 minute response time. There are volunteers on almost every street in the Jewish community. I've had to use them multiple times for my kid with anaphylactic allergies. He'd be dead by now if not for them!
In America they tried to set up an ambulance branch run by women. I'm not sure how successful it is/was. Mostly because there wasn't enough volunteers.

It will be part of the United Synagogue organisation.

Hi OP, really interesting thread. Hope my question isn't too personal!!

You've mentioned that you avoid the internet and social media due to the risk of inadvertently seeing immodesty. You recommended an Instagram account, I assume you are very careful and selective about what accounts you follow (and obviously your targeted ads wouldn't contain nudity etc). Equally, there are discussions on mumsnet about sex and intimacy.

My question is, how do you navigate this? If you were to accidentally view something immodest, would you have to tell your husband? Or religious leaders? How would you feel if your husband had accidentally viewed something like this? Has this ever happened?

So following your analogy are you saying that marrying a Catholic/ Muslim / Hindu would be the same level of awfulness as murder or child rape (to use your analogies). If so then I find that really sad that you would view another’s faith in those terms.

Its considered a holy site with religious significance. Many great people buried there. My great grandfather from the UK was flown in to be buried there. Its mighty expensive though 20k+ for a plot.