Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

Just popping on to say thanks for such a fascinating thread.

I think the pre existing children would convert with the woman?Not sure how it would work otherwise. i know someone who had children (and was also single) before converting and her kids are all Jewish today. She never married or had any subsequent children after converting.

Wish there was a ❤button on MN

I have to log off now. I'm more than happy to answer questions again tomorrow. Good night all. X

Thanks @jewishorthomum , interesting but that makes sense re the conversion for the kids, their choice, as it was their mother's, rather than being automatic.

@jewishorthomum thank you for bring so open.

Do you, and any other women you know, feel that circumcision of a baby is pretty abhorrent...? I find it very shocking that this goes on.

Good night, and thanks again for such an informative thread.

I had a few questions not answered- sorry if these seem random. I kept thinking of more so thank you for answering:

• Is there kosher baby formula/baby foods or is 'regular' forms of these accepted?
• Could you have a mikveh bath in your house, or does it need to be at a communal place? Is it heated? What is the fee? Is it just tap water? Does it get blessed by someone each time? Who cleans it?
• Are women allowed to wear tampons, moon cups, period pants?
• If a women is divorced or widowed, can she leave her scarf/wig off to signify she is single again?
• Are you allowed pets? I've never seen an ultra orthodox Jew walking a dog.

What would you consider immodest dress? Do you feel most Western are immodest? Are you allowed to be friends with non Jews, if so does it matter what they wear?

Genuinely fascinating thread op!

Jews are stereotypically seen as wealthy, and from my fleeting observations of orthodox communities they do appear to live in decently large houses and wear expensive looking clothes. How do they have this relative affluence, particularly to be able to afford their own ambulances etc in the community? Especially as men don’t earn money. Is there historic wealth within the communities?
if a family we’re struggling for income, would they claim benefits or would that be unnecessary?
Within communities are there “cliques” and popular members? Does anyone get shunned?
Do kids ever get their heads turned by modern temptations and if so how are they disciplined?

There are only 250k Jewish people in the whole of the UK- far less when it comes to practicing, even fewer with orthodox. At some point there will be no-one left to have children with that doesn’t present a genetic issue. This is obviously in part due to the horrific murder of Jews during the Second World War, but also compounded by the fact Judaism is very against people converting to the religion and will only accept you as Jewish if your mother is etc. Does this worry you?

Yes husbands may be present at birth and no we don't only use Jewish midwives or doctors.
Since preservation of life is the most important thing in Judaism (only a live person can serve G-d) when it comes to medical things anything can be done.

You hear of people lying in agony for hours waiting for an ambulance. Doesn't happen in our community. We have fully trained paramedics and kitted ambulances that'll arrive at a scene withing minutes and give the best care possible. Did I mention they're 100% volunteers and everything is funded by community charity donations

Wow!

Yes you can drink alcohol. There are even times when a blessing is said over a cup of wine (grape juice may be used but wine is preferable.)

I'm loving this thread thank you OP and the others who've enlightened us. @EllaDisenchanted Your description of the refreshed desire within a marriage, after the time you're physically apart is really beautiful and powerful, I can completely imagine how this has positive benefits in a marriage. I'm learning so much, thank you.

Last question for tonight.
Of course there are things I'd love to do if I wasn't Jewish but once I think of the reasoning behind the restrictions the temptation is easier to hndle.

-I'd love to go biking with my hair blowing in the wind. But I won't do that unless I can be promised there are no men around. Unlikely to happen.
-I wouldn't mind tasting some sea food, prawns etc. Not massively tempted, just slightly interested.
-Also, I haven't had sex with anyone other than my husband, And although I'm happily married, have an really good sex life, and see the massive benefits of Jewish dating, a little part of me wouldn't have minded to experience someone else. But I know it won't happen unless Gd forbid my husband passes or we divorce of which there are no intentions. So I try not to focus on that.
-Oh and wear a bikini at the beach. I wouldn't if there are men around. In Israel there are women only beaches and it was amazing to prance around in a bikini!

Ultimately I see it as a package deal. I take the challenging bits and I take the benefits and beauty of it too.

As long as she can prove her ancestry she would be considered fully Jewish.

Thanks so much for doing this OP, and shout out to all the other Jewish mums that have popped up on this thread (do we get our own Mumsnet corner??!)

Just to add (with my Orthodox convert hat on), children aged under 12 or 13 can be converted as well by a religious court (Beth Din). The difference is that when they reach 12 (girls) or 13 (boys), they have a limited window to say they reject the conversion now that they are adults with their own consent. But if they don't reject it at that point, they are fully fledged Jews just like any adult convert.

Children born to a woman after her conversion are Jewish from birth. There are some complexities if she was pregnant when she converted.

Typically children convert as part of a family conversion or for adoption. In Israel, where there is a large population of Russians with Jewish ancestry who are not considered Jewish under religious law, there is also a movement to integrate them by having the children convert.

PS I have never heard of the rejection happening in practice. But I'm sure it must have happened at some point.

And I'm also happy to help with replies OP - someone suggested I do an AMA a few months back, you got there first!

Is there a heaven and hell in Judaism? Also, is there any belief in ghosts?

All Jewish people are expected to give charity including poor Jewish people (as long as it does not impoverish them). Indeed Jewish people are very charitable and give generously to Jewish (and often non Jewish causes), i think i read somewhere that they are the most likely to give generously to charity

Many Jewish people are not wealthy. I once joked with my DH that until i met his family friends (who are mainlu modern orthodox), i have never met so many lower earning Oxbridge graduates! Many of them do still live in decent sized houses (not all, i do know many people who live in modest flats and small terraced houses in north london), but a lot of it is because these areas were much cheaper in the 1980s and 1990s and also due to inheritance. I know a Jewish older couple who downsized and gave all that money to their children for deposits so they both own houses in London now.

Jewish people are a very urban people and unlike non Jewish people, they try to stay within their community as much as they can. my MIL stayed in a 1 bed flat for 7 years with 3 children until she could upgrade to her bigger house (which is now worth a decent amount of money). This was so that she could live near her synagogue. Non Jews may have moved out to a cheaper area and if she had done that in 1996, she would not have such a valuable house. However many Jewish people are well educated due to the high value placed on education (which does lead to higher earnings but not always). The shabbat restrictions and ant-semitism also means that they are more likely to set up their own businesses- more risk but also a larger reward. Also having such a close knit community is also good for a fledging business.

The men only don't earn money in the ultra orthodox jewish community, which is not the majority of the Jewish population in the UK. And i think a lot of the ultra orthodox do have their own businesses or property investments.

Jews are stereotypically seen as wealthy, and from my fleeting observations of orthodox communities they do appear to live in decently large houses and wear expensive looking clothes.

Not all Jews are wealthy.

But, with regards to those who are, and as a point of reference -

there's a (free) documentary on Amazon Prime called The Green Park. It explains how many of Jews who moved to England emulated the upper classes.

It's a fascinating slice of British Jewish history. Although my parents did not go there, I know people whose parents did. Also, one of the interviewee's furniture is exactly that same as my grandmother's. Rather spooky!

Why do women have to wear something which indicates they're married, but men do not?

I've loved this thread and I hope I'm not repeating a question that's already been answered: what about adoption? If a Jewish couple adopted a baby whose biological mother was not known to be Jewish, would the baby be Jewish or not?

Thank you all so much for this thread, it's fascinating+

You don't need to marry people in the UK, many Jewish young people take a year out to attend seminary or do work experience in Israel, where they can meet young jewish people from all over the world. none of my MIL's children will marry Brits, that i am 100% certain. SIL married an American Jewish man with Bagdadi Jewish ancestry (so half sephardi, half ashkenazi).