Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

Once a women's period finishes she has to wait 7 days. She then goes to a spa-like pool where she submerges herself after which physical touch with her husband resumes. Similar to Muslims I believe

I believe this to be Jehovah's Witnesses.

The jewish religion preserves life at all costs. Sometimes with more treatment than a person's prognosis indicates. So would be unlikely to refuse a transfusion. It can be a very tricky area to navigate as medical staff

Also is it true that the women mainly do the paid work so that the men can study the scriptures?

Yes, I do know about the excellent orthodox Jewish schools, it was really the ultra orthodox schools I wanted to ask about. I am pleased the community as a whole is concerned about this, I understand a community wanting to maintain its identity through preserving traditions through children’s education, but feel it is an issue not just for the Jewish community but is something that , as for very insular Muslim communities, could lead to isolation for the religious community and unhealthy resentment from wider communities.

In perimenopause women can sometimes have bleeding continuously, whether light or heavy. During that time, presumably they would have to be separate for the entire duration plus 7 days... do some women end up pretty constantly separate?

@Babyboomtastic I'm also rubbish at following things without understanding them fully. Have to understand everything. So I'll try answer your questions. (sorry if someone else already has)

if someone believes in Judiasm, lives by all the rules, observances etc, then do you think God would be bothered about whether or not they'd passed an exam/assessment etc to officially become Jewish?
Judaism isn't looking for more members. In face we discourage missionaries and make it difficult for converts. So yes, one would need to be Jewish by heritage or pass a rigorous conversion process inorder to become Jewish.

She simply asked a polite question. Can’t understand why your typing out your own opinions of what you think her question entailed… bit weird imo you sound wired.

@RoseslnTheHospital There are ways to deal with this. If you were continuously Nida you would speak to a Rabbi or a Yoetzet Halacha (female expert in the laws of Taharat Hamishpacha) to find a workaround.

This is more common for ultra orthodox families. In israel, the state pays men to study in the yeshiva (there are no exams so you can theoretically study for the rest of your life!). However in the uk and the usa, there is no such system and they have very large families so a lot of men do have to work.

It is a legacy of the Holocaust in a way, the charedi community and the yeshivas of the past were completely destroyed so they vowed to rebuild by getting all the men to be full time torah scholars. I am an outsider but I don't even feel like this was what they did in the past; i believe the old system was that a rich family would sponsor a gifted scholar (and he would marry their daughter so they would in effect be sponsoring their son in law). Full time studying wasn't a lifestyle for 'everyone' who wanted it.

The state subsidies for torah scholars ( and no national service) were secured in a deal with Ben Gurion during the founding of the state of Israel as Ben Gurion wanted to unite all the communities. I believe the greatest challenge of Israel but one they must overcome is to integrate the ultra-orthodox jewish men into the workforce.

@Babyboomtastic the wig thing still confuses me - to me it feels like only sticking within the letter rather than spirit of the law. If the wigs are worn to cover beauty, then making them realistic and attractive seems a bit odd to me, because you are still displaying your beauty.
There are varying opinions about this.
In some communities women wear only headscarfs, in some sectors they wear only very noticeably "wiggy" wigs. And others like myself are okay with even natural looking wigs. As long as the hair is covered and the women has the physiological reminder that she is married, then the basic guideline is fulfilled.

What age are Jewish children when they learn about the Holocaust? How do you balance educating them about it with not making them feel non-Jewish people are always out to get them?

My dad (not Jewish) grew up in North London in 50s/60s and used to get paid to go round turning on/off lights and ovens etc on the Sabbath. For people asking what you did before automatic switches!

jewishorthomum

This has happened and no we didn't touch. During my period my husband supports me in other ways. Sometime's its been really really hard. But its a hard rule and we do our best to keep it.

What happens during menopause? Is there lots of pushing together and separating of beds?

What would happen if your period came unexpectedly in the night?

Are the little bits of paper in the case on the front door frame all from the original papers/text or are they bits of blessed paper? Surely it would run out at some point otherwise. Do all Jewish people have those?

Totally untrue. Where did you hear that?

Also it seems a shame if women cut off their hair on marriage then but a wig - could they donate their hair to make wigs for other Jewish women? Would they be allowed to wear a wig of their own hair or is that not the spirit of it?

Have you ever been in a pub? Are there some parts of secular life you're curious about/would secretly love to experience?

Do you like it if your kids are invited to non-Jewish kids parties etc or is this disapproved of or too much of a worry with kosher food?

I do live in a large Jewish community. I speak English, I understand Yiddish but cannot talk it and I'm semi fluent in Hebrew,

Thanks OP I’ve really enjoyed this thread.

Fascinating and enjoyable thread, OP. Thank you very much.

Which sect of Judaism did the Goodman family on Friday Night Dinner follow?

Do you ever think what the hell am I doing going along with his ridiculous rules?

they are probably Reform or United

Sorry if this has already been asked but I understand that for many Orthodox communities the rules around shomer negiah relate to someone's gender, not their sex. I have found this very hard to understand. Do you follow shomer negiah and if you do, would you touch a trans woman?

(I only have one orthodox former colleague who wouldn't shake hands with men, which was how I heard about shomer negiah.)

Thanks OP for this - it's been so interesting.

Do you worry about your sons marrying out?

As you wrote there is much virtue in adapting within constraints, some sectors and communities will adapt more than others. In general changes aren't taken lightly because tradition is so important. When wigs first came out they were not at all accepted among the ultra orthodox, with time they've become more accepted. In my community as long as the hair is covered its okay.

Thanks for starting this thread op. I've been really been enjoying it, and can't argue with any of your answers.
I'm a chassidic woman living in Stamford Hill.
If anyone is interested there's a few part documentary type of thing on YouTube by Peter Santanello. It's mostly about different chassidic groups in the New York area and gives a pretty good balanced view of Jewish life.

Thanks for this thread, it’s so interesting. I have a question about ultra-orthodox Jews. I know they have their own hospitals and doctors’ surgeries but where do the medical professionals train? Do they access secular medical schools? And if women in those communities are encouraged to be wives and mothers, how do they have enough female midwives, doctors etc?

Also, do Orthodox Jews access the internet, TV etc? Are novels permitted? What are the alternative forms of entertainment if not?

@WishIWasACavewoman