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Original poster

How broken are you?

329 replies

Quackpot · 13/01/2022 10:58

I've just boiled the kettle, washed my cup, set it down on the table, popped the teabag on the worktop and poured water all over it. Only realised when I tried to stir it 😂

What the fuck?

Why?

Can you beat that 🤣

OP posts:
Bagadverts · 14/01/2022 17:43

I’m nominating for classics. This has cheered me up so much I want it for when I’m a bit down.

ZimZamZoom · 14/01/2022 17:46

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

When DD was a couple of weeks old and I was working on zero sleep I filled the kettle, put it on its base, went away, came back and made my coffee. I was half way through the cup before I realised I hadn't switched the kettle on the coffee was stone cold and the granules were all floating on the top undissolved.
I have done exactly the same thing! Except I was making two coffees for the plasterers in our house. I didn't realise until they went to take them from me and it clicked. I took them away and said "I didn't boil the kettle". They looked at me like I was crazy Blush I blamed baby brain (was about 8 months pregnant) but I don't thibo they'd heard of it, so I just seemed even crazier to them!
Nosoundnomotion · 14/01/2022 17:58

Had a few friends round with their kids of various ages, when DS2 was around a year old and newly walking.
Lots of noise and chaos as the older kids came in from playing outside, so did a quick head count a few mins later and realised I can't see DS2 anywhere! Brief moment of panic thinking he wandered out somehow without us noticing, can't work out why noone else in the room is reacting to my frantic 'has anyone seen DS2?!'

I was carrying him.

DialSquare · 14/01/2022 18:24

@jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming

Took the train into London just for some clothes shopping.

Left my shopping on over head rack above my seat.

Wasn't til i'f friven home i remembered.....

I've done this. Also left my brand new phone on the train too. Luckily I got them both back.

My latest in a long line of doing these sort of things was making toast and jam for my partner. I left the toast in the kitchen and took the jar of jam in the other room and handed it to him. His face was a picture!

ShinyPikachu · 14/01/2022 18:28

I was once lying in bed reading on my phone and wanted to Google something. So I reached for my phone on the bedside table and realised it wasn't there.

I couldn't see down the side of the table so turned the torch on (on my phone) and searched all around and under the bed for my phone.

It was only when I asked DH if he'd seen my phone and he said, "What? The one you're holding?" that I even realised.

iklboo · 14/01/2022 18:28

What came out of my mouth however was "Ah wee wee. Ah woo woo"

Just read this to DS(16). He's crying laughing.

ShinyPikachu · 14/01/2022 18:31

@LadyFlumpalot

I've told this one before but it still makes me giggle.

Was rushing about to leave the house and went for a last minute wee.

Tried to say to DH "I'll just have a wee and I'll be with you"

What came out of my mouth however was "Ah wee wee. Ah woo woo"

I could hear myself saying it, and my internal monologue was yelling at me to shut up but the sounds were on the way out and there was no stopping them.

I can't stop laughing at this one. 🤣
GinJeanie · 14/01/2022 18:31

OP, that's pretty spectacular 😆. I did once pour washing powder in the cutlery drawer so I shan't judge!

BlowDryRat · 14/01/2022 18:33

DS was a non-sleeping baby. I wanted miniature sunflowers on the front garden, but we were broke and the miniature sunflower seeds cost a couple of quid more than the giant sunflower seeds. I had the bright idea of buying the giant seeds but just not watering them, so they'd be stunted. Of course, they grew up to the bedroom window and friends navigated to our house by looking out for the huge sunflowers. Now-exH was furious.

northbacchus · 14/01/2022 18:39

Two mugs on the counter, one with leftover tea and one with a new teabag and milk in (milk first! Sorry!). I poured boiling water into the fresh mug, then promptly poured it down the sink.

Also managed to throw away my phone into a public bin, rather than my lunch leftovers.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 14/01/2022 18:40

When DS was 4, and obsessed with emergency vehicies, I had to pick up a very important consultant and take him to a construction site. We’re talking £1000/day, there’s only about 20 of them in the country type person.

As we were heading down the motorway, a fire engine with full blues and twos overtook us. By force of habit I said “Look, a fire engine in a hurry”. He said “so Ibiza, how old is your son?”.

wildthingsinthenight · 14/01/2022 18:50

[quote iklboo]@wildthingsinthenight - I've tapped a page of a book to turn it over. [/quote]
Grin

Campervan69 · 14/01/2022 18:50

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

When DS was 4, and obsessed with emergency vehicies, I had to pick up a very important consultant and take him to a construction site. We’re talking £1000/day, there’s only about 20 of them in the country type person.

As we were heading down the motorway, a fire engine with full blues and twos overtook us. By force of habit I said “Look, a fire engine in a hurry”. He said “so Ibiza, how old is your son?”.

So funny 🤣 I did exactly the same in my law firm. Broke off in the middle of a conversation to shout "tractor!" as a particularly fine specimen trundled past the window.
aslug · 14/01/2022 19:09

Closed the document I was working on, stood up, checked back pockets for staff card so I could get out of my office and go to the toilet hm not there. Rummage in bra (I'm classy) ach FFS not there. Checked under laptop ffs! under papers on desk tsk SAKES not on the floor FUCKSSAKES shouted DP HAVE YOU SEEN MY STAFF CARD

Oh hang on I'm at home

Littlewhiteballs · 14/01/2022 19:13

I ate a pessary because I'd asked the pharmacist for Canesten oral so firmly believed that's what I had. Even the applicator and the fact that the 'capsule' was enormous didn't make me think twice.

GrouchyKiwi · 14/01/2022 19:14

The worst I've done was spend 5 minutes looking for my mobile phone while I was talking to my mother on it. I was getting increasingly frustrated and finally told her what I was doing and got extremely offended when she nearly expired from laughing.

I've also looked for a pencil whilst holding one, and my glasses whilst wearing them.

ChastainsMisery · 14/01/2022 19:18

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

When DD was a couple of weeks old and I was working on zero sleep I filled the kettle, put it on its base, went away, came back and made my coffee. I was half way through the cup before I realised I hadn't switched the kettle on the coffee was stone cold and the granules were all floating on the top undissolved.
I did this last Friday but only realised halfway to the gym in the car Angry
MuchTooTired · 14/01/2022 19:26

I’m a fan of specsavers bogof glasses because I constantly lose them. I frequently find myself either wearing a pair on my head as a hairband and the other on my face, or spend forever looking for my glasses whilst wearing them.

I discovered today during an argument between my DTs over a pair of knickers (DS was sure they were his, they were in DD drawer and rightly was saying they were hers) that I’d packed DS his sisters knickers as spares for nursery instead of his own pants. I saw them the other day in DS laundry and just did not twig what I’d done until tonight. Sorry kids!

UpToMyEye · 14/01/2022 19:27

My third child was (still is) the worst sleeper in the history of sleep
I once in a very fragile over emotional state rocked him for hours downstairs in the middle of the night to not wake the rest of the house, he finally fell asleep, I continued to rock just in case, until you could lift his arm up and it would flop back down. Success! Finally! I ever so carefully carried him upstairs and transferred him into bed and got into bed myself, I was so so happy until he started crying again as soon as my head hit the pillow
I got up only to discover I hadn’t put the poor bugger in his cot, he was flailing around in the bath looking equal parts confused and furious!
I laugh now but at the time I sobbed and sobbed I was so angry at myself - I really really needed sleep!

lapasion · 14/01/2022 19:35

When I had a newborn I was so tired I poured milk into the fabric conditioner part of the machine. Luckily I snapped out of it before starting the machine and ending up with a lot of stinky clothes.

I also forgot to put the glass jug into the coffee machine once, and my first clue was when the power went out. The coffee had leaked through the valve, gone all over the machine and countertops, and eventually the bloody thing blew up and shorted the circuits.

I have tried to pinch and zoom a magazine page to get a better look at a picture. I was on a flight and the man sitting next to me gave me a weird look while I tried to sink into my seat.

ChastainsMisery · 14/01/2022 19:49

Frequently used to put my dirty knickers in the bin instead of the laundry basket when I was pregnant. Never any other dirty washing, only my knickers.

Last year I took some rubbish to the dump. Threw a box into one of the big skips with my car keys in my hand. Let go of both.

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/01/2022 19:57

@Andtheyalllookjustthesame

On the same day I opened a can of coke and tipped it in the bin and opened a bag of crisps and tipped them in the bin. I then made my coffee with cold water and had a little cry.

I had a temperate and sleep deprivation, but even so

Kitchen tragedy 🥲
ChristmasCatNo2 · 14/01/2022 19:59

This is not me, but happened to me.
I work in a reception of a fairly large and busy place with a big car park.
A lady in her 30s walks up to me, a d I say hello, and how can i help. She opens her mouth, and freezes. Then turns around without saying a word.
A few minutes later I saw her walking back in with a baby 😅

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 14/01/2022 20:02

Christmas Eve
I was on standby for work
DM had been diagnosed with a lymphoma the previous day and we’d spent a lot of the day meeting the cancer care team at the hospital
I was trying the make bread sauce for Christmas lunch
Duty phone kept ringing
I strained the spices out of the milk for the bread milk, forgot a bowl under the jug, and poured the milk straight down the drain.

Soberfutures · 14/01/2022 20:05

@LadyFlumpalot

I've told this one before but it still makes me giggle.

Was rushing about to leave the house and went for a last minute wee.

Tried to say to DH "I'll just have a wee and I'll be with you"

What came out of my mouth however was "Ah wee wee. Ah woo woo"

I could hear myself saying it, and my internal monologue was yelling at me to shut up but the sounds were on the way out and there was no stopping them.

Just laughed and woke the dog up haha.

On a similar theme my ex was trying to order mint chocolate chip ice cream once in a nice restaurant...

It came out as "minty choccy chip chip please"

Since then it was the only way we could say it Blush