Page 25 | Today my teenager was upset because.....

Positivelypatient · 2021-10-17T23:03:14+00:00

On the back of the amusing threads about the irrationality of toddlers and their meltdowns, I have this for you. Today my 17 DD is upset because I suggested booking an expensive (for me as a single parent) spa day for her and her sisters and me that we would go to on her 18th birthday. I hasten to add this is NOT in place of presents, cake and special attention for the birthday girl. Apparently I have made her feel worthless for suggesting she share her special day with her family. [confused]

clingingtosanity · 20/10/2021 17:50

Today my teenager was upset because I had the ABSOLUTE FRONT to describe him as big and strong.

He's 13yo, 9 inches taller than me at 5'10" and has extremely broad, powerful shoulders and upper arms.

How dare I?!

FinishWhatWeStarted · 20/10/2021 18:33

@FinishWhatWeStarted

Dd15 was massively outraged on holiday when she and I spoke about what kind of holidays we would like to do in future when they are all grown up. Apparently thinking about adults only holidays ten years in the future is really disrespectful towards her!

Should have said when dh and I

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2021 19:11

@FuckingFabulous

DD is huffy that her gigantic revelation that she's got a crush on her female friend was not met with a dramatic "whaaaaa???" I was polite and supportive, but at her age, crushes are par for the course and same sex crushes are incredibly common. So now she's saying she's bisexual. Also common and not an "oh Lord, someone summon a preacher to this wicked child" sort of moment. I think she was hoping I was going to be one of those parents that won't accept it, because pretty much all of her friends are the same (being straight and sure of it is absolutely the rarity- to the extent that the boy/girl couple in her group declare themselves both trans and pansexual, and it's just a coincidence that their biology matches species perpetuation, so they're even rarer) and all of her friends parents aren't too happy about it.

So, I get cold shouldered for displaying understanding and tolerance. Figures

Oh God I have one of these.

I have long said that this whole gender thing is this generations "Celtic Armband Tattoo". They all try so hard to be different that they all end up the same! There is a line in Phineas and Ferb that I always snigger at because it demonstrates exactly this.

Candace - Mom, can I get a pink streak in my hair?
Mom - Why do you want to do that?
Candace - To assert my individuality......everybody's doing it!

DS made a huge song and dance about being Bi/Pan/Whatever and I said "OK". "DONT YOU EVEN CARE?!!!!!" And I said well what reaction do you want? Would you expect a huge reaction if you said you were straight? So why would you expect one for this? If that is who you are then I am fine with that, I just want you to be happy.

That PROVES beyond all doubt that I am total cow who doesnt care about him at all.

Obviously screaming the house down and threatening him with some sort of Pray The Gay Away camp was what I should have done

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2021 19:20

And YY to the music ones.

AMAZING band, I wont have heard of them but they are really good and have some great "new" music.

Fleetwood Mac.

I kid you not.

Made it worse when I (innocently) said I had a couple of albums she could have if she wanted to go through the boxes. OMG the fall out from that went on for days because I only offered them to make her look stupid. Even her older sister thought she was being a knob over that one and normally they tag team against me!

Whitefire · 20/10/2021 19:22

Obviously screaming the house down and threatening him with some sort of Pray The Gay Away camp was what I should have done

Oh My there's so much to learn with this parenting lark.

Bouledeneige · 20/10/2021 19:26

A few years ago I suggested taking my DC to Australia for Christmas. They said they wanted Christmas in the UK sos would only go after that. There wasn't time for that.

RockinHorseShit · 20/10/2021 19:29

The problem with your teens are they still have this attitude when they go to uni and try to inflict it on neighbours. The difference between parents and neighbours is that neighbours get attitude from these teens, they phone the police... And their local ASBO unit. Having the ASBO Unit visit can be a very alarming wake up call as it becomes part of their criminal record and needs to be disclosed when they are ready to start working. Just sayin'.

You're not getting it are you @Mirw 🙄

My teen & I suspect many here are as polite & thoughtful as they come... it's only US they give attitude to & believe it or not it's perfectly normal.

Living close to student houses, & having had many a run in with various students over the decades, it is way more likely to be your ultra quiet, never lippy to mum teen that causes the problems

Alcemeg · 20/10/2021 19:32

@driftcompatible

I don't have teenagers yet but this reminded me of being a teen. Two events stand out in my mind that just baffle me.

I was in the car listening to music on my personal CD player age about 14 and listened to the same track over and over. It must have been so loud because my mum said something like 'you must really like that track' and for some reason I argued that I actually didn't like it at all and then refused to listen to any music. I was LIVID. WHAT?! I'm just baffled by my own reasoning. My behaviour must have struck me at the time as absurd because I remember it. But yeah, I was absolutely enraged she dare suggest I liked a track I liked.

Went to a college open evening and my dad commented on the architecture to one of the lecturers. For some reason this made me feel totally humiliated.

Dad: I think X dates back to X doesn't it?
Lecturer: I think so!

I looked to another girl in the group and said 'I'm so sorry. Omg' and she looked back with an expression like 'OMG I totally know what you mean. This is horrendous for you, you poor cow'.

Again, looking back ... what?!

But the best part about this was that years later I had a job there and pointed out the very thing I dad noticed. I then felt guilty I was such a twat years earlier.

I probably did way way way worse things but for some reason they stand out in my mind as utterly bizarre things to have done.

@driftcompatible This captures it perfectly, the complete insanity of being that age! I'm glad it wasn't just me who was a complete crazed twat! 😃

Mumwithapub · 20/10/2021 20:20

It was a quote from "Mary Whitehouse experience" I think.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/10/2021 20:22

Tbh, not sure there are that many 18 year olds that would enjoy that, with their mum and sister I mean. Friends, maybe?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/10/2021 20:24

My teen is insane. I’ve been crocheting her a jumper. I’ve asked her to try it on for sleeve length etc.

She keeps refusing because it ‘makes it harder for you’ 🤷🏼‍♀️ It actually makes it easier for me

martakeithy · 20/10/2021 20:24

@CatWarbler

I am enjoying these! My (then) 16 year old was very annoyed with me as I couldn't come up with anything that he could do that would make me 'kick him out'. Apparently several friends had been kicked out for misdemeanours such as eyebrow piercings or coming home drunk from a party. I said I'd prefer him not to do those things, and if he did we'd have a bit to talk about but I wasn't planning to kick him out anytime soon. At 17 he got a tattoo, I had a bit of a shout, so he took off to a friend's house and I had to go and get him as he told his friend's parents he was homeless. I'm told teenagers have to be foul in order to detach then reattach to their parents as adults. He's in his 20s now and we still laugh about it!

Haha! Homeless! How could you!

At least you didn't sell him! He sounds hilarious. It's lovely that you both laugh about it. Sounds as if you have a great relationship

.

takingonestepatatime · 20/10/2021 21:20

I asked her to write me a list of her friends and their names and preferred pronouns -as I can't keep up. One friend has changed their name 3 times this term and their sexuality twice -I'm struggled to keep up -apparently asking for a list was 'taking the micky' as I should be able to remember everyone's preferred pronoun -all different and names.

10 minutes late I have the list in my hand -although a few 'might change' over the next few weeks. I'm trying to be supportive -really I am.

Original poster

Positivelypatient · 20/10/2021 21:43

@MrsSkylerWhite actually she would enjoy it with us she just got the wrong end of the stick then blew it out of all proportion a la teenager.

OP posts:

TabithaTiger · 20/10/2021 21:51

DS is cross with me today because I don't know why his tooth hurts. My suggestion that he should go to the dentist (I even offered to phone and book the apt for him ) was met with derision. I should know apparently, because his Mum

Snoopsnoggysnog · 20/10/2021 22:23

@PyongyangKipperbang

And YY to the music ones.

AMAZING band, I wont have heard of them but they are really good and have some great "new" music.

Fleetwood Mac.

I kid you not.

Made it worse when I (innocently) said I had a couple of albums she could have if she wanted to go through the boxes. OMG the fall out from that went on for days because I only offered them to make her look stupid. Even her older sister thought she was being a knob over that one and normally they tag team against me!

Bobsyer · 20/10/2021 23:04

@Mirw

The problem with your teens are they still have this attitude when they go to uni and try to inflict it on neighbours. The difference between parents and neighbours is that neighbours get attitude from these teens, they phone the police... And their local ASBO unit. Having the ASBO Unit visit can be a very alarming wake up call as it becomes part of their criminal record and needs to be disclosed when they are ready to start working. Just sayin'.

Well that’s clearly absurd. I’m nearly 40 so not grown up in the 60s but not terribly young. I had my moments. As did all my friends, my sister and my brother.

I could point to maybe one of them who’d had any trouble with the police, and none of whom still behave like that.

Bobsyer · 20/10/2021 23:08

I do find it funny how random anonymous posters are trying so hard to explain to you that they probably understand your daughter’s likes and dislikes better than you @Positivelypatient!

Whitefire · 20/10/2021 23:32

My DS (the one with ASD) is currently suffering from a long term headache. We have spent a significant amount of time trying to tell him ways that whilst they may not completely improve the situation they won't make it worse, however this means that we have had 30 mins of emotional crying at the mere suggestion of lying on his bed in the dark listening to some chilling music (a.k.a go to sleep) as this is a dreadful suggestion from us parents and he has slept before and his head still hurts, therefore it doesn't work.

Tomorrow I have to go through the screaming at the sight of the scaffolding again when trying to get him out for school.

thiskiwicanfly · 21/10/2021 00:47

Today's pearler:
DD "When I look in the mirror I just don't see myself"
Me: "Oh dear, I did wonder if you were turning into a vampire"
DD: Strops off to her room. "God Mum, you just don't understand anything!"

This from the teen who has spent the better part of the last two days telling me how she's really loving her skin at the moment, telling me about her planned wardrobe and how she's looking forward to being back at school...

She's been gay/bi/straight/trans, pierced her septum, gone extreme hair colours and apparently I don't care because I don't get mad about it... Ya can't win I tells ya!

She'll be back for a cuddle shortly - that's how it goes

HPIEX · 21/10/2021 01:22

Would you consider adoption? I'm 39 but act younger 🤣

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/10/2021 01:29

@takingonestepatatime

I asked her to write me a list of her friends and their names and preferred pronouns -as I can't keep up. One friend has changed their name 3 times this term and their sexuality twice -I'm struggled to keep up -apparently asking for a list was 'taking the micky' as I should be able to remember everyone's preferred pronoun -all different and names.

10 minutes late I have the list in my hand -although a few 'might change' over the next few weeks. I'm trying to be supportive -really I am.

This reminds me of a chat I had with the woman who runs the local foodbank - I was helping out there in the run up to last Christmas because they do toy collections for families in hardship, and while sorting the toys into boy/girl and age group, she said they had this one 15yo girl (yes she was) who was "non binary" and genderfluid. They gave her a gift the year before and apparently she just sneered and said she was identifying as a girl THAT DAY and her gender neutral gift "wasn't appropriate" for her. You cannot win on this, ever.

Odetomelancholy · 21/10/2021 08:15

Loving these…..
Last night about 11.15 I’m tired and so say to DD15 just that and that I’m going to bed.
She huffs and puffs and says “can’t you just sit there and wait for me to finish painting my nails - it’s not all about you” Oh the irony
normally I would’ve said something but I thought of this thread and just laughed which obviously triggered more huffing and tutting - my word - glad it’s not just me and mine!!

sashh · 21/10/2021 10:12

@takingonestepatatime

I asked her to write me a list of her friends and their names and preferred pronouns -as I can't keep up. One friend has changed their name 3 times this term and their sexuality twice -I'm struggled to keep up -apparently asking for a list was 'taking the micky' as I should be able to remember everyone's preferred pronoun -all different and names.

10 minutes late I have the list in my hand -although a few 'might change' over the next few weeks. I'm trying to be supportive -really I am.

Today on twitter I learned that Finnish pronouns are all gender neutral, so if you want to declare your pronouns then you have to do it in English.

Greenfingeredgardener67 · 21/10/2021 10:27

my child wanted to go to Laser Tag with her mates. She did not have enough money. I suggested she do a couple of small jobs and I would give her what she was short. ie hoover living room, take the dogs out for a few minutes with a ball. Cue a hissy fit because she should not have to ACTUALLY WORK for extra money. I am mean and unreasonable and all her friends are apparently just given whatever money they needed. She refused to do anything because it would make her too tired, and then she would not be able to enjoy going out with her mates, in TWO DAYS time!