Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 ··· 21 22 23 ··· 34 35

Original poster

Today my teenager was upset because.....

856 replies

Positivelypatient · 18/10/2021 00:03

On the back of the amusing threads about the irrationality of toddlers and their meltdowns, I have this for you.

Today my 17 DD is upset because I suggested booking an expensive (for me as a single parent) spa day for her and her sisters and me that we would go to on her 18th birthday. I hasten to add this is NOT in place of presents, cake and special attention for the birthday girl. Apparently I have made her feel worthless for suggesting she share her special day with her family.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

choli · 20/10/2021 02:17

What nonsense? You didn't live in my house! The belt came off and it bloody hurt.
My parents never raised a hand to my siblings or me, but we still spoke to them and each other with respect. We rebelled with clothes and hair, not with verbal abuse.

Bogeyes · 20/10/2021 02:44

@bogeythefungusman

MrsFezziwig what an utterly crass statement. DBro, Dsis and I would never have dreamed of speaking to our parents like many of the kids on this thread, or behaving in the hideous way so many kids seem to. Our parents would no more have violently assaulted us than flown to the moon. Neither did the parents of our friends.

Tbh I'm not sure how they managed to raise decent respectful, considerate offspring, but they did, without resorting to punishment or violent abuse . Perhaps it was because there was an expectation that we would be decent, respectful, considerate. There was no expectation that bad behaviour would be excused by being blamed on 'teenage hormones' or that's just how teenagers are. This thread is depressing tbh, normalising rude, selfish and frankly appalling behaviour.

Not all of us grew up on a wonderful non violent home. To all those people on mums net who claim parents were not violent in the 60s...please wake up. Many of us were victims of violence from parents.

Hoesbeforebroes · 20/10/2021 02:57

My 17yo actually had tears in his eyes while railing at the unfairness of me assuming he had taken something from my room. Why don't I trust him? Why is he always the bad guy and I never blame his brother when things go missing?

Note: he HAD taken it - he gave it back later

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2021 03:18

70's child and "This will hurt me more than it hurts you" followed by a whack on the arse with a plimsoll was a thing. And not an unusual thing at all.

We grew up in a time when a slippering was fine at home and perfectly acceptable in schools too. My headmistress had a basket with a slipper, a pump and a table tennis bat in it remind us what the consequences would be. She brought it around the classes once a week. This was infants....so age 4 to 8.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2021 03:19

And further.....maybe it is why later generations have been so disrespectful because we as parents remember what we had as kids and never ever wanted to do that to our children.

I have never raised a hand to my kids.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/10/2021 04:32

Yes, I was at school in the 70s as well before corporal punishment was banned - witnessed a few smackings, with hand or slipper, and a few things being thrown (mostly chalk rather than the boardrubber, thank goodness!)

At home, smacks and the occasional wooden spoon whack (mostly for my brother) were normal. My husband was a child of the 80s and his father frequently employed the belt on him and his brother.

We weren't unusual, either of us.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2021 05:41

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

At home, smacks and the occasional wooden spoon whack (mostly for my brother) were normal. My husband was a child of the 80s and his father frequently employed the belt on him and his brother.

We weren't unusual, either of us.

And if you went home saying you got a slippering at school you knew that you would get the same at home! Not "OMG!!!! We will sue them!!"

Not saying it was right, but that was how it was.

Frenchfancy · 20/10/2021 05:58

Anyone who thinks teenagers being forced to wash a car on Christmas morning is child abuse clearly has no understanding of what child abuse means.

weeyin411 · 20/10/2021 06:04

Son text me asking to buy him new socks on the way home. So I did his reply why do you have to be so weird….

Today my teenager was upset because.....

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/10/2021 06:08

@PyongyangKipperbang - yup!

Aussiegirl88 · 20/10/2021 06:14

Well I have a DD 15, DS 4, DD 3. I get yelled at for everything from asking her to unload a dishwasher to peeling a banana and everything in between

maddiemookins16mum · 20/10/2021 06:45

My 17 year old DD is 98% perfect, rarely get any of the stuff mentioned on this thread (pure luck I hasten to add). However, we once got upgraded on a flight back from Salzburg (3 or 4 years ago). DD refused to move from economy as ‘people would stare’ and think she was ‘above herself’ and it wasn’t right as ‘we hadn’t paid for Business seats. It was BA, a 3 hour flight and the plane was only 2/3 full.

SunshineCake1 · 20/10/2021 07:14

@PyongyangKipperbang

And further.....maybe it is why later generations have been so disrespectful because we as parents remember what we had as kids and never ever wanted to do that to our children.

I have never raised a hand to my kids.

My abusive childhood definitely informed my parenting but thankfully the difficult stuff didn't last too long and if asked DD only says she wasn't allowed to go to a party at nine and DS2 talks about me throwing away at weenie spoon as he and his sister were arguing about it. I didn't follow through very often, should have more, so these are remembered. And I got assaulted very seriously as a teenager. Way beyond the acceptable punishment for what I had done and said. I still know that not everyone's carers treated their charges like this.

cricketmum84 · 20/10/2021 07:15

@Frenchfancy

Anyone who thinks teenagers being forced to wash a car on Christmas morning is child abuse clearly has no understanding of what child abuse means.

Child abuse isn't always physical.

Don't you think you would have to be a particularly cruel person to hold the threat of punishment over 2 children for an entire year. Making them dread Christmas Day?? That's a spectacularly nasty thing to do.

LynetteScavo · 20/10/2021 07:26

@Ilovemarmiteandwine

Years ago one Christmas I bought my then DP (now DH!) a mini break for the two of us. The two DCs (then aged 12 and 13) called me “selfish and horrible” for not including them in the arrangements. Their actions reduced me to tears and for me the day was ruined. DP told them he was going to come up with a suitable punishment and they’d have to wait until NEXT Christmas to find out what it was. The following Christmas morning he sat me at a dining table opposite the back doors, handed the kids hi-vis waterproofs and told them they were going to wash and valet my car to my exact satisfaction while I ate smoked salmon and drank prosecco. The neighbours came out to watch…the sight of these two grumpy teens washing a car on Xmas morning was quite a sight. Of course they had to do several bits of it again before the car met my exacting standards of inspection. They are now lovely human beings and have never forgotten that punishment!!!

That's actually quite messed up. Waiting a year to punish teens?

And yes teens did grumble about the most unreasonable things in days gone by - I was a horrendously ungrateful teenager, and my parents were very old school no nonsense. This thread was great to start with - teens are very funny when it's not your teen being super unreasonable.

2anddone · 20/10/2021 07:28

I have just woken my dd, made her bed, made her breakfast and done her hair before I start work at 7.30 her response......why do you have to be so weird and helpful 🤣
To be fair she is human 99% of the time just not a morning person!!

Burnshersmurfs · 20/10/2021 07:34

It doesn’t strike me at all as ‘spectacularly nasty’. The punishment was, after all, just a car wash. There’s no reason to believe that the children thought they were facing some terrible fate. There is a lot to be said for this kind of restorative action- they ruined Christmas for their mother, so the next Christmas they are told to do something for their mother that reminds them and her that she deserves to be treated well. I imagine it probably made them feel a bit better about the whole thing.
I’m finding all this shock and outrage at examples of teenage behaviour and parents’ responses a bit uncomfortable. People all over the world, every second (especially teens) say and do things in the heat of the moment that don’t define them- and certainly aren’t a damning indictment of their parents. Those who think they spent their childhoods being polite and respectful at all times likely just have very selective memories.
As for accusations of stealth boasting because people mention they’ve been on holiday…..

Alwaysonthegoslow · 20/10/2021 07:49

This is just horrible.

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 20/10/2021 07:49

Loads of Buzz Killingtons on this light hearted post judging the parents…teenage brains are literally programmed to do this. There’s neural pruning going on which makes them prone to outbursts and emotional disregulation, (same as happens for 2-3 year olds) their ‘thinking’ logical brain isn’t fully on line yet so they mainly use their ‘emotion’ brain and also it’s evolution…teenagers are designed to pull away from their family to prevent inbreeding and widen the gene pool. Let parents of teens come on here to vent and seek validation and a bit of a laugh. God knows they need it

cricketmum84 · 20/10/2021 07:53

@Burnshersmurfs so you think it's normal to punish someone for something they did a year ago? Don't you think kids should be excited on Christmas Eve and looking forward to the big day rather than worrying about what their punishment is?

Agree that they behaved awfully but it should have been dealt with at the time rather than this ridiculous drawn out punishment.

They can be a bit like dogs 😂 they don't link the punishment to the crime unless it's immediate 😂

Alwaysonthegoslow · 20/10/2021 07:55

@Alwaysonthegoslow

This is just horrible.

Quote fail, this was in regards to delayedxmas punishment

Burnshersmurfs · 20/10/2021 08:01

Your inference that they spent the year worrying about it is just an inference, though. Neither of us know how this event was framed- it might have been a positive experience of re-writing Christmas to erase the events of last year, or it might have made them a bit sad. Using a whole raft of highly emotive phrases: ‘child abuse’ , ‘particularly cruel’, ‘holding over their heads’ and ‘spectacularly nasty’ in your response looked more to me that you were taking the opportunity to make the parent feel terrible (why?) rather than making a reasonable evaluation of the likely impact on these children.

PanicBuyingSprouts · 20/10/2021 08:07

Well this thread has taken a bit of a turn hasn't it? Hoovers bing thrown down the stairs. Adult children throwing entitled strops and punishing children on Christmas Day for something they did a year ago.

Not the light hearted and supportive thread I was hoping for...

Hardbackwriter · 20/10/2021 08:22

Love the idea that teenagers were all perfectly behaved in the 1960s - it's famous as a decade where there was a huge moral panic/outrage at the disgraceful behaviour of the youth!

Sunset999 · 20/10/2021 08:58

Yep apparently teens are so awful now, they were model citizens of course years ago............

Flip

1 2 ··· 21 22 23 ··· 34 35