Today my teenager was upset because.....

[Positivelypatient]

On the back of the amusing threads about the irrationality of toddlers and their meltdowns, I have this for you.

Today my 17 DD is upset because I suggested booking an expensive (for me as a single parent) spa day for her and her sisters and me that we would go to on her 18th birthday. I hasten to add this is NOT in place of presents, cake and special attention for the birthday girl. Apparently I have made her feel worthless for suggesting she share her special day with her family.

MrsFezziwig what an utterly crass statement. DBro, Dsis and I would never have dreamed of speaking to our parents like many of the kids on this thread, or behaving in the hideous way so many kids seem to. Our parents would no more have violently assaulted us than flown to the moon. Neither did the parents of our friends.

Tbh I'm not sure how they managed to raise decent respectful, considerate offspring, but they did, without resorting to punishment or violent abuse . Perhaps it was because there was an expectation that we would be decent, respectful, considerate. There was no expectation that bad behaviour would be excused by being blamed on 'teenage hormones' or that's just how teenagers are. This thread is depressing tbh, normalising rude, selfish and frankly appalling behaviour.

Thank you @BlueMongoose we have the double whammy of her being autistic AND a teenage girl. It’s not pretty at home at the moment. She just finds him deeply irritating, he can’t say or do the right thing. It got so bad a while back she refused to talk to him at all, asking me to intervene . I don’t do that, I told her if she wants to speak to Dad, she needs to do it.

_Ilovemarmiteandwine
Years ago one Christmas I bought my then DP (now DH!) a mini break for the two of us. The two DCs (then aged 12 and 13) called me “selfish and horrible” for not including them in the arrangements. Their actions reduced me to tears and for me the day was ruined. DP told them he was going to come up with a suitable punishment and they’d have to wait until NEXT Christmas to find out what it was.
The following Christmas morning he sat me at a dining table opposite the back doors, handed the kids hi-vis waterproofs and told them they were going to wash and valet my car to my exact satisfaction while I ate smoked salmon and drank prosecco.
The neighbours came out to watch…the sight of these two grumpy teens washing a car on Xmas morning was quite a sight. Of course they had to do several bits of it again before the car met my exacting standards of inspection.
They are now lovely human beings and have never forgotten that punishment!!!

this is child abuse

Oh do give over to the Pearl clutchers who are putting a downer on the thread & seem to have selective memories over the 60s & 70s🙄

I was a kid in the 60s & a teen in the 70s & you'd just as likely get a clip round the ear from a teacher or local policeman as you would your parents. Well behaved kids didn't often get a slap of course, bar the odd bad tempered & short sighted teacher who always hit tge wrong kid with tge blackboard rubber, but the fear of it was still there.

Plus being a teen was a hell of a lot simpler back then than it is today. Our teens are stressed to hell, especially this last few years, plus their brains are rewiring, hormones agogo & they lash out where they feel safe because they are struggling.

We are not weak parents, we are caring parents who are strong enough to see what's behind the strops 🙄

My exact thoughts!

@Helpmyson

My 16 year old called me a bitch because I have refused to change our flights, back from long awaited holiday, so he can celebrate Halloween with his mates I feel.your pain , why are they so horrid to us ? Will it ever end

It will. Right now, they have all the answers to everything (although they don't know the questions yet), and parents are utterly stupid. You will be surprised at how much smarter you get once they're about 25.

DD15 aka "the hamster" is great, only see her when she comes out of her room for food and go for a wee. I can speak to her friends, the majority of washing ends up in her basket, she will clean her own room and I even get a little wave if I drive past her whilst she is waiting for her school friends (we live really close to the school) She gives me very little trouble, I find it a little unnerving.

DS13 aka "The Beast" he has autism, it is very tough, we can do nothing right, and his reactions are unreal at times. He is currently very unhappy as we have scaffolding up, we couldn't warn him as we didn't actually know they were coming yesterday to do it, today he apparently sat in the garden for 30 minutes after school before coming in. I think his main gripe is that he actually has to look where he is going when he walks out the door.

DD9 aka "Stinky Princess" is more of a teenager than the actual [big] teenager, I am hoping she will get all of her teenage stuff out of her system now, but she has been like this since the day she was born (hence her nickname) so I am not holding my breath.

@beautifullybonkers

My now 25yr old son acted as if I’d banished him from the family when 2 years after him moving out I let his sister swop bedrooms as it seemed ridiculous the largest bedroom in the house was standing empty like a shrine 😂 He last year, having not lived at home for 5 years called me a “selfish b*tch” because on moving 100s of miles and downsizing I refused to move possessions he had not looked at, needed nor even spoke about for those 5 years. He didn’t want them in his house but I was selfish for not wanting them in mine either 🤷‍♀️

I've got to be honest, I'm shocked at his name calling at 24, that's well past the unsettled teenage years. Is he generally this rude?

Tbh, my teens don't call me names (to my face at least) and I won't tolerate it if they ever do. I feel angry on your behalf.

I feel very lucky with our two sons, aged 19 and 17.
They are messy & can be a bit lazy sometimes, but they're kind, polite, decent and would not dream of calling me a bitch.

Tell them all to move to Afghanistan and see if the teens there are happy

I remember being totally distraught when I was 16 that my mum wasn't Jenna Wade from Dallas!

@SherBear1971

I have a friend whose son was mid rant who shouted " why can't we be a normal family and eat ready made lasagne instead of homemade!"

My brother once wailed, ‘why can’t we be like normal families and have a country house in Wiltshire!’

I have the "style stealer" accusation levelled at me too! Until I dragged out some photos that proved that the DM's I was wearing were in fact older than she was. She was absolutely fuming and her final answer was that if I was any kind of decent parent I would have given those Docs to her and accepted that I am too old to wear them gracefully.

I am certain that there is some inner tussle going on in that she doesnt want to wear the same stuff as I have been wearing for years but at the same time, wants to wear the same trends as her friends. :o

I too feel very lucky with my children - dd2 now nearly 26 was a bit of a handful (too much like me!) but I drop no 4 off at school every day and she always tells me she loves me and have a good day when she gets out of the car.

Though dd1 did once say we were dysfunctional...

@beautifullybonkers

My now 25yr old son acted as if I’d banished him from the family when 2 years after him moving out I let his sister swop bedrooms as it seemed ridiculous the largest bedroom in the house was standing empty like a shrine 😂 He last year, having not lived at home for 5 years called me a “selfish b*tch” because on moving 100s of miles and downsizing I refused to move possessions he had not looked at, needed nor even spoke about for those 5 years. He didn’t want them in his house but I was selfish for not wanting them in mine either 🤷‍♀️

At 24? I hope he apologised.

There was no expectation that bad behaviour would be excused by being blamed on 'teenage hormones' or that's just how teenagers are. This thread is depressing tbh, normalising rude, selfish and frankly appalling behaviour.
I totally agree. Somehow my siblings and all of my friends managed not to speak to our parents like that despite hormones. Kids live up to, or down to, expectations.

Ask DD2 (13) to separate tights from pants and put tights the right way round, queue sharp intake of breath, huffing and puffing, eye rolling, what now comment and I'm busy.

Every Sunday DD is LIVID that I have the temerity to serve Roast Dinner which every other member of the family enjoys. Apparently it's not the 'actual foodstuff' she doesn't like, it's the 'format' of the meal.... In other words, she has to sit at the table, engage and eat pudding with everyone else as opposed to trying to scarper upstairs with an apple or a biscuit.

But I am SELFISH because I force her to engage in a ritual that she 'doesn't buy into'.

I am also an actual cow for chatting with her friends when I collect groups of them from anywhere. Apparently, correct form is to nod cooly, check the drop off address and refrain from eye contact thereafter. According to DD NOBODY else feels the need to be chatty and ask questions.

The best/worst one however, was when she asked if she could have a 'gathering' in the garden one night as a kind of 'post lockdown'/missed birthday thing. Yes ok. Up to thirty people, yes to beers, but we only went and ruined it by making the garden look nice, putting some plain cream fabric bunting and fairy lights up along the back wall and a small gazebo and table for drinks. This was all whisked down in a thunderous rage as we were instructed that the garden must look like 'it was a 'spontaneous thing' and not a fairy tea party'. Away with the hurricane lanterns and back went the broken plastic chair.

I'm not sure that being a teenager was actually a lot simpler in the '60s. Depended on your circumstances. I had a pretty soft life but I had to go to work, and learn to cope in an adult world, at the age of 15. Losing 2 close relatives when I was 14 and 2 more by the time I was 21 made me grow up quite a lot.

However, I still remember some epic arguments with my parents, usually about politics but sometimes about going to parties. I thought that they were completely irrational but, looking back, I can admit that I was occasionally a pain in the arse.

The idea that parents in the '60s would react violently to teenage rudeness is pretty weird. Some parents were abusive then, some are now. It was never the way that most people would respond.

[quote EKGEMS]@JudgeJ Wow! So teens wouldn't be this way were it not for American tv programming? [/quote]

My 16 year old had an epic meltdown at the weekend because her hair was tangled. She has mental health issues so I have to tread carefully - I calmly and gently helped her brush it, reassured her, told her it was ok to feel frustrated etc. To which she stopped and glared at me and screamed “why the hell do you have to be so bloody reasonable all the time?! It’s not normal!”

We had a big family reunion trip to England (from Canada, so expensive etc.). Grandson was about 13. He had somehow acquired what were apparently very expensive headphones (the big earmuff type. He considered the headphones some sort of teen status symbol.

We took the train into London as a family group, but he was so embarrassed to be seen with all the adults he put on the headphones, sank down in his seat and would not take them off to chat.

The best part was all of us standing in the crowd at Buckingham Palace watching the changing of the guard. The brass band marched right in front of headphone wearing grandson grooving to his own music.

They really don't get how silly they look sometimes.

Mine is very mild in comparison but has just happened - DS1 (13) has just asked for help with his maths, and, while I was explaining it, told me to "Be quiet please", which resulted in me silently handing it back to him and him flouncing off swearing under his breath.

How on earth he expects me to explain it while also being quiet is kind of beyond me.

@MrsFezziwig

the main reason 60s teens wouldn't have said those things is because of the fear of being on the wrong end of ANOTHER violent assault by one parent or the other.

@LaetitiaASD what nonsense.

What nonsense? You didn't live in my house! The belt came off and it bloody hurt.