Today my teenager was upset because.....

[Positivelypatient]

On the back of the amusing threads about the irrationality of toddlers and their meltdowns, I have this for you.

Today my 17 DD is upset because I suggested booking an expensive (for me as a single parent) spa day for her and her sisters and me that we would go to on her 18th birthday. I hasten to add this is NOT in place of presents, cake and special attention for the birthday girl. Apparently I have made her feel worthless for suggesting she share her special day with her family.

@Sidge

My 15 year old recently told me she was embarrassed by me as I was nice to her friends when they came round.

Mortified apparently because I SPOKE to them, and was friendly. In my very own house.

The sheer audacity eh.

Haha I feel your pain.

DS(14) always tells me not to speak to his friends as I'm soooo embarrassing. I just ask them how they are!!! 😂😂

@JudgeJ We were no doubt difficult as teens in the 60s but I don't think anyone I knew would have spoken to their parents as these seem to, they seem to have learned to parrot all the terminology straight from US teen programmes. Their sense of entitlement shines through maybe they should have heard the words 'No you can't' more often rather than been negotiated with.

I have sympathy with your view, but let's be honest - the main reason 60s teens wouldn't have said those things is because of the fear of being on the wrong end of ANOTHER violent assault by one parent or the other.

Because I dare complain that she didn't tell me she was putting a wash on, when I was clearly sorting out my own washing that I needed washed & dried by tonight & despite her seeing me do this, I got to the washing machine to find it already on 😏

I'm a selfish control freak for daring to say anything 🙄

The thread is filling me with horror of things to come, and yet relief that it will be normal and will pass (Hopefully).

Do parents ever get to stop consoling themselves that “it’s just a phase”!

@beigebrownblue I too have a late summer born to look forward too but have my response already planned - you were due on the 1st September, not my fault you decided to come early 😂

@Justgivemewine

The thread is filling me with horror of things to come, and yet relief that it will be normal and will pass (Hopefully).

Do parents ever get to stop consoling themselves that “it’s just a phase”!

My oldest is 37 and has two kids, now I just watch them and laugh….and laugh….and laugh. She was a terrible teen (although could have been far worse and grew up to be brilliant) and I can’t wait to see her parent a mini version of herself 😈😈😈

😆😆 @ineedsun

For a daughter of 17 I wouldn't do 'surprises'. Teenagers, like many adults in fact, don't often like things being arranged for them without being asked if that's something they want. They are at an age where they need to be able to control things a bit more than a little kid expects to.

Also day at a spa in a family group isn't a present for her, it's one for all of you including you, regardless of whose birthday it is. That's really not a present for her at all, even if she likes you all a lot.

Teenagers also often feel embarrassed to be out with family as if they were a little kid, it's not that they hate you, or are ashamed of you, they just want to make their own lives without feeling people are judging them by their parents. That's healthy and normal.

She may be into spas, but still not with a herd of family. At her age you'd have had to pay me to go to one. In fact, you still would.

DS absolutely can't stand surprises, although he's always been abit like that...it's just worse now.

DD (16) is more flexible, she wouldn't mind a family spa day, although she prefer if I just paid for her and friends to go.

I’ve learnt so much from this thread. Only old people eat cheese, NO ONE eats casserole and that somewhere a lad has acquired a lifelong nickname of Pumpkin.

@CatWarbler

I am enjoying these! My (then) 16 year old was very annoyed with me as I couldn't come up with anything that he could do that would make me 'kick him out'. Apparently several friends had been kicked out for misdemeanours such as eyebrow piercings or coming home drunk from a party. I said I'd prefer him not to do those things, and if he did we'd have a bit to talk about but I wasn't planning to kick him out anytime soon. At 17 he got a tattoo, I had a bit of a shout, so he took off to a friend's house and I had to go and get him as he told his friend's parents he was homeless. I'm told teenagers have to be foul in order to detach then reattach to their parents as adults. He's in his 20s now and we still laugh about it!

When I was a kid my parents were so sensible and reasonable about things, and always willing to negotiate and discuss things if there was any issue, that I was more than once driven to get REALLY angry because I had nothing to rebel against without being unreasonable- and I'd been brought up not to be unreasonable.

@Fluffycloudland77. Didn't you know that teenagers physically CAN'T eat casserole, even if it contains everything they like?! My two suddenly decided they couldn't eat any casseroles, after having them for years!

I took DS 17 to a university open day. Knowing my status as an embarrassing parent, I said I'll wait over here while you ask your questions. Much sighing, could I not see that nobody else's parents are hanging around, they're all in the queue too?

@Cantstopthewaves

Bought ds (12) a new winter coat. The coat he had been going on about and desperately wanted. It was expensive and I'd saved for it. It had been delivered but I'd only just remembered about it the next morning so when ds got up and dressed for school I presented him with this much wanted coat thinking he'd be joyous. Apparently I had ruined the day as he wasn't expecting it.

Ah. My son chose a coat from eBay from some Co in China. So I never expected it to arrive, yet alone be any good. It did & it was. He lost it on the beach first day he had it. I ordered another (he has Autism, it was £25, some slack was given)

He was then upset when it arrived as 'it may not be as good as the 1st one'. It was identical. I pointed that out. Then he said: 'yes, but with the 1st one I'd not had it long enough to find out what was wrong with it, now I will, and I'll just be disappointed'.

Sigh...

My 16 year old is upset because I keep infantilising him by asking him to please give me the manky load of costumes he has worn to several rehearsals now so that I can wash and dry them (without a tumble dryer as we don't have one) in time for the dress run on Friday. Apparently I am neurotic, anxious and over-invested and HE will sort out his costumes. There is a suitcase full of them, I have limited space to dry clothes on airers and radiators and I would like to help him be ready by cracking on, but this apparently totally annoying and unnecessary of me and I need to butt out. So now I shall! And he can wear sweaty, balled up, unwashed costumes on Friday and get told off! Because no way if he going to even think about those costumes before about 5pm on Friday evening...

I haven't read all the thread yet but if you have Insta or FB I'd recommend following
teenagerprotips
for more of the same. People submit photos of food left in random places and (white, must be white) trainers in doorways.

I have also used the screens to order a McDonalds in Paris/Barcelona/anywhere, just set the screen to your language and you're away!

@Biffatcrafts

Not a mum myself, but sympathise so much with all of you.

My BFF, who is a mum, asked for my help arranging a surprise for her DD(17) who had had a pretty rough time during lockdown etc.. I love her DD very much so said yes immediately. Between us my BFF and I arranged a surprise sightseeing flight in a private plane belonging to a friend of mine, to be followed with a girls lunch and shopping trip.

We both thought she'd love it. Hmmm... come the morning of the treat day, I went to my BFFs house for breakfast and to reveal the surprise to DD. I was also acting as chauffeur for the day as my BFF doesn't have a car during the daytime as her husband uses theirs to go to work.

We both were so excited to tell DD of the plan for the day. On hearing it all she just looked at us both and yelled that she was sick and tired of people going behind her back, she had no intention of "doing what you want me to do" and she was going back to bed. So off she stomped. BFF and I were totally gobsmacked and just silent for ages after her outburst.

The only thing we could do was to take her DD at her word, so we went and did the flight ourselves, had a great lunch and a pretty successful shopping trip by ourselves.

Got back to BFFs house later in the day and DD was there. Her only comment was "typical, you two went and had fun all day and left me out again."

There really is no winning sometimes

Clearly not had her tantrums and demands taken at face value before.

DD went into full teenage mode at 11 and didn't come out of it until 19. I remember her being outraged that DH and I were happily married. Apparently, we were the 'only parents' in the school to still be together and it was embarrassing her! I think what was really bothering her was that a couple of her friends were getting double the gifts at birthdays, Christmas, etc and she didn't.

Once, before DD flounced out of the room, she said to me "when you get old, I'm putting you in a home!" I still remind her of that...now that I am old!

I am pregnant with my first and I should NOT be reading this 😬 (though it is amusing!)

[quote Cameleongirl]@Fluffycloudland77. Didn't you know that teenagers physically CAN'T eat casserole, even if it contains everything they like?! My two suddenly decided they couldn't eat any casseroles, after having them for years![/quote]
My teen keeps Mc Donalds in business....

@hellswelshy

Gosh this is meant to be a light hearted thread, I think some people who have posted need to get a sense of humour....you really need one with teenagers

Absolutely! Back then, DH and I would regularly meet up with my DB and DSIL to exchange 'war stories' about our respective teenagers. We always ended up laughing so hard over what had been said.

School bag she bought broke.
Found a replacement on line, but it's out of stock.
Apparently NON of the shops we've looked at back home, or here on holiday, have ANYTHING remotely acceptable.

At this rate she'll be going back to school with a plastic bag.

To.those of our that reminded me to stand up.to.my son when he called me a bitch thankyou I do.have a history of being a people pleasing doormat I have dealt with it, thankyou . If it happens againI will turn off Internet access on his phone for 24 hours. Having boundaries whilst being compassionate and understanding for the transition they are going through is so hard.
Although i am heartbroken the amusing posts are really helping me at the moment .

@Helpmyson

My 16 year old called me a bitch because I have refused to change our flights, back from long awaited holiday, so he can celebrate Halloween with his mates I feel.your pain , why are they so horrid to us ? Will it ever end

Loving this thread (not quite read the whole thing yet) but I'm sorry @Helpmyson, this is just awful.

It's not funny and it's not 'horrid', it's abusive and disrespectful. My (now lovely) son was an absolute PITA from 16 to 18, and we often had terrible disagreements, but if he'd ever spoken to me like that he'd have had his arse handed to him.

If he thinks it's fine to speak to his mother like that at 16, what kind of man is he going to be to any future women in his life? I hope he was grounded for long enough to have a good think about it.

My mum still likes to remind me of my 18th birthday. She wanted me to have a house party and invite all the extended family and some of her friends. I wanted to go out with my friends. I hate being the centre of attention and really really didn’t want a party What eventually happened was that the party happened mid afternoon to early evening and then I would go out with my friends.

I’d asked her if she would shorten my new cream jeans for me (once a shortie, always a shortie) - this was the early 90s, forgive me - and she said she would.

We had the party. It wasn’t what I wanted, but hey, no big deal. I went to put my jeans and they weren’t shortened so I had to wear something else. I was quietly gutted. Didn’t make a fuss. My grandma asked me if I was upset and I told her what was wrong. She then, loudly and in front of everyone, said how ungrateful I was. All the guests heard and it was awful. I wouldn’t have wanted them to feel unwelcome or to be ungrateful. Obviously could r say in front of them that the party wasn’t my idea. They’d brought presents and we’re having a nice time. It was really nice, but it was my mum who was the centre of it and not me.

Just awful.