What's the most PFB embarrassing moment you've had?

[Giantwaterbottle]

I remember mine and physically cringe. DS1 is very bright, learned to walk and talk early and had a good vocabulary. So bright and developmentally at the top end (younger DS slower on all counts but both totally normal) but not exceptional.

Being shown round a lovely nursery and I said on more than one occasion how he was "really very smart" and that the doctor had said how clever he was (local GP had said she's very good speech wise and health visitor had said similar.

I cringe so hard every time I think about it. He goes to that nursery and whenever I see the head who showed us around I just think about how much of a wanker I must have seemed 😭😫😆

Wow, apologies for the typos there 🙄

I set up an email address for my PFB and sent them an email every day for over a year, detailing what we had done alongside a picture. I encouraged friends and family to do the same.

I also boasted to my doctor that I would pick ds's nose and wipe it on my nipple to encourage my boobs to produce their magic. I was expressing so there was some logic, but mostly, I was just batshit.

@Noshowwithoutpunch

I wouldn't allow anyone in the same room as ds while he was feeding as a baby or even when he was weaning in his highchair as a 6/7month old. Guests were allowed to wait in the hallway as long as they didn't speak as ds would hear them and be distracted. I also forced encouraged my DD at 2.5yo to receit a poem at the manager of a nursery we were hoping to attend while I stood doing the actions.

Oh my god haven't you posted about the poem and the actions before? I laughed so hard when I read about it last time.

Total cringe! 😂

@MamaRaisingBoys

I still cringe whenever my family brings this up (frequently)

When PFB was 6 months old he toppled backwards from sitting and hit his head on the caravan floor. I got down on the floor and hit my own head trying to replicate the sound so I could guess how hard he might have hit it and decide if I needed to take him somewhere to get checked out 🥴 I don’t know what I was thinking! 😂

Ahhh this has made me laugh and I needed it after a crappy day

We had people doing gas work on our road outside our house. I asked if the could avoid any loud work between 11-1 as ds would be napping.

PFB: exclusively breastfed, dressed up like a Turkey at Christmas in a new outfit everyday, only ate anything organic and puréed by me until fully weaned, never saw a TV screen or tablet until she was about 18 months old... and that was because my mum had just died and my dad insisted while I got myself together. Third baby: raised on chupa chips and lived in PJ's until aged 1. Their personalities reflect this...

*chupa chups!! Damn autocorrect!

I set up an email address for my PFB and sent them an email every day for over a year, detailing what we had done alongside a picture. I encouraged friends and family to do the same.

I actually think that’s a lovely idea!

My Mum very kindly came to stay for the first few weeks of life with DS1 to help (we live overseas) and I remember insisting for the first three weeks that the baby must always have one of us (me, DH or DM) awake and watching him at any given moment. So we literally spent almost a month doing shifts of people just watching DS sleep. None of us ever saw each other because we were on this constant rotating cycle of shifts. DS2 came along and I absolutely could not be faffed with that idea and realized how ridiculous I had been the first time around

My first born was born in the middle of winter and I was convinced he would die of cold. One particular cold night when he was about two weeks old, I had him bundled up like he was about to go off on an arctic expedition, complete with the gas fire and central heating on full.
He screamed the house down, was beetroot red and couldn't be pacified.
I phoned an ambulance, convinced that he was dying, I was hysterical on the phone.
The paramedics removed my PFB clothing down to his nappy and vest, turned the gas fire off and opened the window.
Problem solved 😳

My pfb had just learnt to sit up and we were sat on the floor playing.
She fell to the side and bumped her face on the floor and when I picked her up there was a bit of blood. I started freaking out and screaming at DH (who's a medica professional) to phone an ambulance and he said "pass her to me so I can look at her, go into a different room and calm down"

She'd slightly grazed her lip on her tooth

Thankfully he never did ring for an ambulance 😂

This will always make me cringe, don’t know what I was thinking at the time, but told DH to ask the icecream van man to either start coming at a different time or turn the volume down as it was DS nap time. He actually did as well, so don’t know what he was thinking either and the icecream man actually said ok, (probably gobsmacked).

@firstimemamma

I was determined to establish breastfeeding and read somewhere that it's a good idea to log feeds. I took this to the extreme and for about 6 weeks I kept a note of literally every single feed (EBF) he had - even if he was cluster feeding and having 20 feeds a day. Every feed was logged down to the exact minute e.g left boob 3:19-3:37pm. The breastfeeding counsellor at my local support group thought I was mental and told me I didn't need to do it but I didn't listen. I think around the 6-8 week mark it gradually stopped.

I did this until pfb was 8 months also with nappies and baths.

Dd2 I did it for about an hour and gave up 😂

@OhGiveUp

My first born was born in the middle of winter and I was convinced he would die of cold. One particular cold night when he was about two weeks old, I had him bundled up like he was about to go off on an arctic expedition, complete with the gas fire and central heating on full. He screamed the house down, was beetroot red and couldn't be pacified. I phoned an ambulance, convinced that he was dying, I was hysterical on the phone. The paramedics removed my PFB clothing down to his nappy and vest, turned the gas fire off and opened the window. Problem solved 😳

I was the opposite and obsessed with not overheating DS. When the health visitor came I said he never seemed to go to sleep unless we were cuddling him. She swaddled him and he was asleep in minutes.

I took weaning very seriously. So seriously that I baked my own beans lest a stray grain of sugar sully the perfect guts of my perfect baby. I only found out that was ridiculous when I was introduced to a friend of a friend as 'my bean baking pal'

I also phoned the HV when he had his first 'non meconium' poo because it looked so wrong...

I still warm DS's jammies on the radiator in winter though. He's only 16 right enough.

But my favourite, favourite PFB story is the legendary MNer who rubbed Johnsons 'No more tears' baby shampoo into her own eyes. Just to check it did what it said on the bottle...

Mother in law popped up for a visit but kept coughing (6 years ago) she has a wheezy type cough anyway. I removed child from her arms walked away and wiped his face (tried out if sight but she saw me) with the water wet wipes. Must have thought she brought the plague with her and the magical wet wipes can clean anything!!

I've remembered another!
I was so worried about dd1 getting a flat head that I rarely put her down when she was tiny and had her on me about 90% of the time.
Tbf my aunt did comment that she had a lovely shaped head 😂

So I have no excuse for this, because I am a paediatric nurse who has dealt with a lot of PFB mum's in their moment of need. But, I took PFB to the GP at 2 weeks old because I had never seen one of her toes wiggle, but I'd seen the others move.. it was her little toe, that has no joint to allow for wiggling. Something I learnt early on in university.

I cried the first time dd1 watched (5 mins of) tv because I felt like a terrible mother and thought I was ruining her.
Dc are 2 and 3 now and I can't remember the last time the tv was off while we were in the house.

My hospital checked carseat before we were allowed to leave the hospital. I was terrified on the way home in case another car might hit us, or we went around the corner too fast. I made me husband drive 10-20 kms under the speed limit (50kms) to ensure we were safe.

if we had not lived 20kms from the hospital, I would have walked, C scar and all.

Convinced my husband that buying our 2 year old (but almost 3 year old) an iMac was a good idea because ‘everyone else in her nursery will know how to use one and she won’t’ . Nobody at nursery had an iMac. We are not iMac people, and husband and I still can’t use it properly after 8 years although PFB is pretty good on it. Husband once referred to it at work when she was 2 as ‘oh yes PFB has an iMac’ and his colleagues were all shocked so he quickly corrected it to ‘we have an iMac’!

Oh god I’ve done so many of these things. Definitely believed my child was the most advanced the world has ever seen, did quite a bit of logging and was militant about nap timings. Also once told a bus driver to close the doors or stop the engine in traffic as the fumes were blowing in and all over my baby.

I went through a phase with my pfb of wanting /needing to know how much he was feeding. As he was ebf I used to count how many gulps he would take from each side & how many minutes he would feed for & record it. Not sure what I thought I was going to do with this info.
I also wasn’t sure once, or maybe twice, whether he was breathing. After putting my head near his face to try & check I stripped him down to his nappy. Lo & behold he had just been in a lovely, deep sleep & then took forever to get back to sleep again.

Tbf when I had DD I was given a chart in the hospital to track her nappies and feeds, which side & how long, they never told me when to stop so I kept it up for 4 months

Please keep these coming, they’re so entertaining. I’m pregnant with my first, so I’m also taking notes of things not to do/panic over 🤣