What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

[lardylegs123]

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail

When I was travelling I worked in a restaurant as a waitress. My bosses took me to a wine tasting and then out to dinner. The portions were small and fancy which I'd never seen before.
Very well lubricated after lots of wine I went to the kitchen and told the chef that I was in the business and that the portions were not filling enough and that's not how we did things where I worked .
I dread to think what that said about me afterwards and my bosses were really embarrassed.
I still think of it occasionally over 25 years later and am mortified. I was a twat when I was younger

@FlorencenotRatchet

When I was travelling I worked in a restaurant as a waitress. My bosses took me to a wine tasting and then out to dinner. The portions were small and fancy which I'd never seen before. Very well lubricated after lots of wine I went to the kitchen and told the chef that I was in the business and that the portions were not filling enough and that's not how we did things where I worked . I dread to think what that said about me afterwards and my bosses were really embarrassed. I still think of it occasionally over 25 years later and am mortified. I was a twat when I was younger

I think that's being young, drunk and a bit obnoxious. It isn't being wanky; wanky is pretentious restaurants which charge way more than a normal restaurant for way less food and think that if the food looks good, the restaurant has a fistful of stars and the customers feel lucky to eat there then they won't mind going home hungry.

I think that's being young, drunk and a bit obnoxious. It isn't being wanky; wanky is pretentious restaurants which charge way more than a normal restaurant for way less food and think that if the food looks good, the restaurant has a fistful of stars and the customers feel lucky to eat there then they won't mind going home hungry.*

Indeed. The Emperor's New Restaurant.

Oh and... as a teenager I went on a family holiday and took a book of Shakespeare's complete works (sonnets and all) to read around the pool. What a wanker!

When I was young I had a colleague with a geordie accent and I loved it. So much so that I took to using it. For some reason I thought this would go unnoticed. It didn't, he asked me in front of others why I was speaking in his accent. I said "I'm not" and then just stopped doing it. Not sure if that's wanky or actually just a little weird.

I once told my colleague (I was living alone, in my early twenties, he was ten years older and with three children and a mortgage - we earnt the same, same job) that he would be far better off replacing his hole ridden Freeman Hardy Willis work shoes with a pair from Church’s or Loake, as they are so much more cost effective. I mean, they are. But he had children to feed. Twat. Me not him.

@ohthatbloodycat

My kids are a bit unintentionally wanky whenever we take the train from Edinburgh to Glasgow (we have to cross Glasgow city centre, as there are two train stations a 5 min walk apart).

• 'Mum, why do so many people smoke here?'
• 'Mum, what's Paddy Power?'
• 'Mum, can we just go back to Edinburgh?'

Did they also happen to see the award winning galleries/ amazing street art/ very high end shops on their way from Queen Street to Central Station? Perhaps if they converse with the people they look down upon they'll find warmth they'll rarely find in the Morningside 'You'll have had your tea, then?' brigade.

My mam moved to Morningside with 2 young children, husband away in the navy, and not ONE neighbour said hello never mind made her feel welcome. Now that's wanky- but she was far too well brought up to say so.

I have a colleague who only ever has French butter.

To be clear, he does eat other foods, but when he has butter it MUST be French.

…to be fair, I do like the ones with the little salt crystals in.

@Puffalicious

Oh, lighten up! They just prefer their home city, that's all.
I myself am very au fait with Glasgow, as I'm from out that way originally. Went to uni there, and lived there for years. It is such a friendly city, but the city centre itself is more gritty and less refined than Edinburgh.

ohthatbloodycat I just dislike the painting of the old stereotype of Glasgow as gritty/ unrefined/ Paddy Power / poverty when it's nothing like that at all. Edinburgh has plenty of that, as I'm sure you know, but it does like to portray itself in a wanky manner. The residents of Bearsden/Milngavie/ Newton Mearns/ the West End wouldn't thank you for describing their million pound house areas as gritty and unrefined.

I like Edinburgh and I've lived there, but I'm a bit meh about it to be honest. My eldest doesn't fancy going to uni there as there's no clubs left: and he's right, there aren't!

I personally think it's a parent's responsibility to prevent their children being wanky...

The residents of Bearsden/Milngavie/ Newton Mearns/ the West End wouldn't thank you for describing their million pound house areas as gritty and unrefined.

PP's children are unlikely to see those on a hoof between stations, but agree the children could be told about the inarguably very lovely parts of Glasgow and its very rich history.

@ohthatbloodycat

My kids are a bit unintentionally wanky whenever we take the train from Edinburgh to Glasgow (we have to cross Glasgow city centre, as there are two train stations a 5 min walk apart).

• 'Mum, why do so many people smoke here?'
• 'Mum, what's Paddy Power?'
• 'Mum, can we just go back to Edinburgh?'

This wins wankiest post on the wanky thread

Got a new one from DS! He went to scouts tonight and they were using different stoves to boil water so needed something to eat or drink that used hot water. I sent him with a pot noodle, on account of being classy like that, and I’ve just swung past him in the car park and he glared at me and shouted “mum, this ramen is DISGUSTING!”

The child is a changeling.

Bearsden and Milngave are not in Glasgow. Imagine kidding yourself on your from Glasgow when you’re from there lol

During the late 1980s/early 90s, I did Music as one of my A Levels in a school not too far from London. The Royal Opera House, then (and possibly now?) did some performances at agreatly reduced cost (always matinee). It was my turn to choose which one we should go to that term. "Oh right - it's got to be "Peter Grimes" - such an immensely tragic tale of isolation and prejudice ..... blah blah...... yah yah" (I droned, or words to that effect).

When we got there and the music started, it was (to me) absolutely dreadful, on the whole. I know there are some beautiful parts (I had heard them - that's why it was my idea!) but it was so unrelenting. Everyone hated it and I couldn't even pretend to be enjoying it. To top it off, when the end finally came, a huge, long, "PETER GRIIIIIIIIIIIMES!" I clapped. Loudly. It wasn't finished though and there was at least one more, "PETER GRIIIIIIIIIIIIIMES!"

@Lemonwoe

Bearsden and Milngave are not in Glasgow. Imagine kidding yourself on your from Glasgow when you’re from there lol

They're just outside! Widely regarded as part of Greater Glasgow. I've given a good few mates a total ribbing for moving there . They're lost their urban coolness big style

*They've

I knew a man whose father ran several successful shops. At first, he hammed up his "working class roots", but latterly, focused on "business empire" and bought a cravat

@DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat

I once told my colleague (I was living alone, in my early twenties, he was ten years older and with three children and a mortgage - we earnt the same, same job) that he would be far better off replacing his hole ridden Freeman Hardy Willis work shoes with a pair from Church’s or Loake, as they are so much more cost effective. I mean, they are. But he had children to feed. Twat. Me not him.

Ah, the Sam Vimes theory of economic injustice wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Sam_Vimes_Theory_of_Economic_Injustice

Not sure if this counts as wanky but when I was pregnant with my first born I spent a considerable amount of time debating whether I’d prefer to have my baby sleep 7-7 or 8-8
Still makes me laugh now remembering the pros and cons of each 12 hour time frame.

Groan, it was a small thing but really wanky.
In 6th Form classical music must have come up as a topic, god knows how as it wasn’t that sort of school, and a friend said she like the 1812 Overture, I helpfully observed that I knew a lot of people think it is hackneyed but that I liked it too!
It came across as so pompous and patronising because it was. Someone flashed me a look and o realised and went bright red, I was mortified.

As a teenager I pretended to like Opera and Perrier water. My friends Mum's would buy perrier for me when I stayed over or went for tea. I actually hated it. What a knob.

Not done but spotted online:

metro.co.uk/2021/07/03/hundreds-of-swingers-attend-four-day-festival-despite-covid-concerns-14869103/

Hundreds of swingers attend four-day sex festival despite Covid concerns

As a teenager I got jealous when my (then) best friend got into the school long jump team. I secretly practised until I was better than her and took her place. I was a bad person.

Hundreds of swingers attend four-day sex festival despite Covid concerns

Again, not that kind of wanky. Does every single bloody thread have to somehow link to sodding Covid now?