What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

[lardylegs123]

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail

Getting out of a cab in Glasgow city centre (on night out with DH) got approached for money by a very drunk beggar. Out of my mouth came “My husband will attend to you” 😱 Even the beggar looked shocked!!
Where on Earth those words spoken in ‘Margo, Good Life’ accent came from, I’ll never know!!!

Someone I know has a phone accent, very much different from normal speaking voice, much posher. It makes me laugh!

*DouzePoints8

I used to share an office with (this is going to sound wanky or the start of 70s joke) with a mexican, a Syrian, a Malasian and a Brazilian.

On Fridays we brought in 'breakfast' and the Mexican guy brought in the most amazing Guacamole, we we all pronounced as he did.

It's stuck with me, so now I sound wanky and like I'm talking about a fairground game.

"When I was a pre-teen I started to draw little hearts or circles above my i’s instead of a dot thinking this made me look really cool, I have managed to train myself out of the hearts but cannot seem to break the circles."*
*
I did this too billyismybilly I went even further down the path of wankery, I decided to change the spelling of my name from ending in y to ending in ie so that I could use my circle dot even more often -13 year old me also thought it looked more exotic- until one of my teachers loudly asked me in class whether I was changing my name spelling officially because if so, I'd need to get my parents to do it at the school office.
I went back to the y.

Some people really are accent sponges though!

That’s me. I was a holiday rep a looong time ago. I lived with a Scottish guy and a northern girl and when I came home after 6 months (I’m from the south) my accent was quite bizarre 😂

I’ve got friends who moved to New Zealand about 8 years ago. Their kids have kiwi accents despite being older when they moved there.

@contrary13

In senior school, Yr 10 (as it is now, back then we were still in Yr 4...), reading 'The Lord of The Flies' aloud in English - that horrible thing where teachers make everyone in the class read "just a page or more...". I pronounced the name "Maurice" as "Mor-rhys" rather than "Morris". Much to the amusement of everyone else when our (usually quite nice) teacher rapped her chalk on the desk and corrected me rather snootily. That was over 30 years ago and I still cringe - but also feel quite cross. My argument is that given the era in which Golding was writing, and the social class of the boys marooned on the island... the name probably was meant to be "Mor-rhys", rather than bog-standard ol' "Morris"...

Then again, I'm also an Army Brat and somewhat prone to absorbing accents without realising I'm doing it. And given that I tend to speak without an accent, only to lapse into broad Welsh when tired or cross (most of my family is Welsh, both parents being born in/around there, although I was born in the Home Counties), my parents have a vague notion that I subconsciously mask my "real" accent and it only comes out when I'm trying to stay awake/not shout. It is possible. My mother also deliberately lost her accent due to being an Army Wife and having to attend lots of Mess dinners and the like - but gets to a certain part of the journey back to where she grew up... and her birth accent reappears.

I was a collage doing a levels and a similar thing occurred. There was a character in the book called Bernard, most of us pronounced it ber-nud but one guy pronounced it Ben-nard. He kept apologising then the teacher stopped him and used it as an example of how no two people ever read the same book, we all read the words and project our own life experience on to what's written to fill in the detail that's not there. I often think of that when I get bogged down in thinking I'm right about something. Am I only seeing ber-nud and not considering that Ben-nard is also correct

@LaurieFairyCake

My Liberty points card has my title as Dr

The reason this is wanky is not only because I'm NOT a doctor but is because I didn't like any of the titles on the drop down list

I nearly went for Brigadier grin

I accidentally ticked brigadier when ordering online. Hobbycraft orders always come to Brigadier Guido now.

Oh, I've just remembered one recent one that didn't seem wanky to me but probably sounded it to the people I was with!!

We were doing something that needed a bain-marie (electric one) and as I'm British, I pronounced it as the French would (never heard it pronounced differently in the UK). Except I'm in Australia, and here, it's mostly pronounced "bayn mareee" - so the next few minutes were spent with the Aussies taking the piss that I pronounced it "properly" instead of in an ocker Aussie accent!

@peaceanddove

My daughter starts at one after the summer break!! 😬

Missing the thread about spending nearly £5K a month before it got pulled is top of my list at the minute

I can’t decide if this is wanky or genius but…

My (Irish) Visa card is black. Standard account and that just happens to be the colour card my bank has used for the last number of years.

In the States a good few years ago, I used my card to when checking into our hotel and the woman at reception took it then called her colleague over and they both kind of whispered about it. I thought they were checking if it was fake because it looks different to American cards.

Turns out there’s a black visa credit card in the States that has a huge credit limit and is only issued to very high worth individuals, by invite. I actually think it’s issued by Mastercard or AmEx and not Visa, but not entirely sure.

Online info-
A black card is a type of extremely exclusive credit card that is almost solely reserved for the ultrawealthy. Typically, the cards are available on an invitation-only basis
www.bankrate.com/finance/credit-cards/black-card-offer/

Anyway, the two women fawned over the card and me, and gave me a very nice room upgrade. I left, feeling confused, had a Google and realised that they assumed I was massively wealthy/famous.

After that, anytime I was asked for a card on the holiday, I did a kind of-
“Yes, I do have a card. Do you accept these?” as I pulled it out of my wallet. Very wanky.

The amount of upgrades and freebies and fawning I got that week made it worth it, though.

@OffRampHilton

I can’t decide if this is wanky or genius but…

My (Irish) Visa card is black. Standard account and that just happens to be the colour card my bank has used for the last number of years.

In the States a good few years ago, I used my card to when checking into our hotel and the woman at reception took it then called her colleague over and they both kind of whispered about it. I thought they were checking if it was fake because it looks different to American cards.

Turns out there’s a black visa credit card in the States that has a huge credit limit and is only issued to very high worth individuals, by invite. I actually think it’s issued by Mastercard or AmEx and not Visa, but not entirely sure.

Online info-
A black card is a type of extremely exclusive credit card that is almost solely reserved for the ultrawealthy. Typically, the cards are available on an invitation-only basis
www.bankrate.com/finance/credit-cards/black-card-offer/

Anyway, the two women fawned over the card and me, and gave me a very nice room upgrade. I left, feeling confused, had a Google and realised that they assumed I was massively wealthy/famous.

After that, anytime I was asked for a card on the holiday, I did a kind of-
“Yes, I do have a card. Do you accept these?” as I pulled it out of my wallet. Very wanky.

The amount of upgrades and freebies and fawning I got that week made it worth it, though.

That's not wanky, that's just genius!

This horror just came to me this morning -

when my dcs started school I met a mum with an unusual double barrelled name, whilst struggling to make conversation with her one day I asked her the origins of her name thinking ancestral families etc and she just looked at me and said “well it’s my surname and my dcs dads surname just joined together isn’t it”

Prize winning wankery!! I felt very stupid.

@Menora

My dad started speaking geordie x Yorkshire accent after he moved from south to north. It’s so cringe

I once was sitting in a meeting and a medical condition no one had ever heard of was discussed. I was only taking minutes but immediately said I KNOW WHAT IT IS and everyone stopped still and looked at me. I didn’t know what it was though so I just stared at my piece of paper

This is brilliant! I hope you minuted yourself

When I was 14 a friend told me she fancied this boy at school, and I said I would talk to him for her and ask him if he liked her / try to get him to go out with her. I ended up speaking to him on msn for a few hours, and then later that week he asked me out. I dated him for 2 months and I felt guilty about it ever since (I'm 30 now!).

I used to tell my parents to walk behind me because I didn't want to be seen with them (aged approx 12-15)

I told someone that their music taste was "dad rock" and really offended them (a 40 yr old woman).

@OffRampHilton

I can’t decide if this is wanky or genius but…

My (Irish) Visa card is black. Standard account and that just happens to be the colour card my bank has used for the last number of years.

In the States a good few years ago, I used my card to when checking into our hotel and the woman at reception took it then called her colleague over and they both kind of whispered about it. I thought they were checking if it was fake because it looks different to American cards.

Turns out there’s a black visa credit card in the States that has a huge credit limit and is only issued to very high worth individuals, by invite. I actually think it’s issued by Mastercard or AmEx and not Visa, but not entirely sure.

Online info-
A black card is a type of extremely exclusive credit card that is almost solely reserved for the ultrawealthy. Typically, the cards are available on an invitation-only basis
www.bankrate.com/finance/credit-cards/black-card-offer/

Anyway, the two women fawned over the card and me, and gave me a very nice room upgrade. I left, feeling confused, had a Google and realised that they assumed I was massively wealthy/famous.

After that, anytime I was asked for a card on the holiday, I did a kind of-
“Yes, I do have a card. Do you accept these?” as I pulled it out of my wallet. Very wanky.

The amount of upgrades and freebies and fawning I got that week made it worth it, though.

This is excellent and now im on the hunt for black credit cards from ordinary banks. I am very much not ultrawealthy. I typing this with my fingers covered in wallpaper glue.

The amount of upgrades and freebies and fawning I got that week made it worth it, though.

The world is bonkers isn’t it - accidentally make people think you’re v wealthy and they... give you free stuff!! Hope you had a great time though!

@OffRampHilton

I can’t decide if this is wanky or genius but…

My (Irish) Visa card is black. Standard account and that just happens to be the colour card my bank has used for the last number of years.

In the States a good few years ago, I used my card to when checking into our hotel and the woman at reception took it then called her colleague over and they both kind of whispered about it. I thought they were checking if it was fake because it looks different to American cards.

Turns out there’s a black visa credit card in the States that has a huge credit limit and is only issued to very high worth individuals, by invite. I actually think it’s issued by Mastercard or AmEx and not Visa, but not entirely sure.

Online info-
A black card is a type of extremely exclusive credit card that is almost solely reserved for the ultrawealthy. Typically, the cards are available on an invitation-only basis
www.bankrate.com/finance/credit-cards/black-card-offer/

Anyway, the two women fawned over the card and me, and gave me a very nice room upgrade. I left, feeling confused, had a Google and realised that they assumed I was massively wealthy/famous.

After that, anytime I was asked for a card on the holiday, I did a kind of-
“Yes, I do have a card. Do you accept these?” as I pulled it out of my wallet. Very wanky.

The amount of upgrades and freebies and fawning I got that week made it worth it, though.

The black Amex was a myth until the early noughties when they decided to have a test launch in the UK and cash in on it. They decided to launch it in secret by sending the new black card to a few thousand select customers of high net worth who used the card regularly in glamorous places so there would be sightings of the "mythical" card. Except the only way they could identify which customers might be wealthy and lead glittering lifestyles was by their current spending habits on their Amex card.

Which is how I ended up with one despite leading a rather mundane, suburban life and not being rich I just happened to have recently used my card to pay for a deposit on a car (I wanted the air miles), bought some very fancy jewellery (we'd been burgled and I blew the payout on just one expensive piece and a watch from 2 high end stores), unusually had had a batch of work events in some posh restaurants and private members' clubs in London and New York, and had just got married and been on honeymoon to an exotic location.

Eventually they took it away when they realised I mostly used it in Sainsburys It was fun while it lasted though.

Love that story, @chesirecat99

I absolutely would not qualify for one (just looked at my credit card account online and last time I used it was some time in November 2020) but was interesting the see the fawning.

Did you get to keep it for long? Are there other perks?

I peaked recently.

Ordered a new washing machine from John Lewis because it was the same price as everywhere else, and free delivery more quickly than anywhere else.

Anyway they called me 20 minutes after the end of the delivery window and said they couldn’t deliver that night as they’d run out of time. I sighed heavily, and said OUT LOUD “well this really isn’t the standard of customer service I expect from John Lewis, you know”.

What a wanker.

A friend of mine went to Uni, working class lad. ordinary family from central Scotland, he came home after three months for Christmas with this ridiculous Scottish/RP hybrid accent insisting that he still sounded exactly the same. He comes back for Summer going on and on and on and fucking on about the fact that he has opened a Lloyds Bank account and getting genuinely angry when us Plebs couldn't get our tiny brains how important this was and how much better it made him than us. Forward to after he starts working and comes back for Christmas after getting a promotion at work, telling absolutely EVERYONE he meets when asked how he is doing "I'm in a higher tax bracket now" without the slightest hint of humour or irony. I could go on about his wankiness over the years, from his ludicrous snobbery to downright cruelty towards people.

I managed to hang on to it for over decade @OffRampHilton! Then they reviewed their policy and put the membership fee up to something like £5k so I would have handed it back anyway.

The perks weren't much better than the current perks you get with the platinum card. There was a concierge service for making bookings/ recommendations that could also get you into private members clubs or on the guest list at nightclubs like Boujis, various inclusive insurances (before that became commonplace on bank accounts), free companion flights on business/first class bookings, airport lounge access, sometimes there were discounts at hotels/shops, priority booking for some events like concerts, lots of "private events" like product launches/private shopping evenings for luxury goods, room upgrades or flowers and champagne in your hotel room.

There was lots of fawning. I once had to go to Tiffanys at Christmas to pick up some gifts for work. It was crazy, the silver room was jam packed and it was taking an hour to be served, then an hour to pay and get the items from the stockroom. When I handed over my card to pay, the assistant escorted me to the (empty) room where they keep the expensive jewellery, then brought me a seat and a glass of champagne while I waited for them to bring my shopping.

He comes back for Summer going on and on and on and fucking on about the fact that he has opened a Lloyds Bank account and getting genuinely angry when us Plebs couldn't get our tiny brains how important this was and how much better it made him than us.

Any bugger could open a Lloyds bank account - my mum & dad had one. Unless he thought or wanted you to believe it was Lloyd's of London. What a tool he was!

A while ago we had a very nice BMW company car, and my brother taught my then 3 yr old DS to say "Daddy, are we going to take the BMW?" whenever we left the house. I'm sure sounded very wanky if anyone overheard, and totally his intention!

DS did a class one a few years ago.

In Sainsbury's, I asked if he wanted some cherries.

'No thanks, mum. They just don't taste the same as when I'm on the Rialto Bridge in Venice' - complete with wistful sigh.