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What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

380 replies

lardylegs123 · 27/06/2021 09:23

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying Blush I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail Grin

OP posts:
frg124 · 28/06/2021 15:24

Another one where we went to Bedruthan Steps Hotel in Cornwall for a few years when the kids were younger. They had a lovely kids' entertainer who went round asking the names of the kids - his eyebrows rose higher and higher at the list of Tarquins, Arabellas, Binkys, Laslos etc.

Essentially it was full of identikit families all the same (as we were) and my husband leaned over to wail (in total seriousness) "I thought we were special until today". Nope, we are just like all the other middle class parents paying through the nose as the hotel had a soft play area and baby listening.

Penistoe · 28/06/2021 15:26

School friend did the accent thing but the other way around - came from a naice Home Counties area, went to Newcastle Uni and she came home after the first term sounding like an extra from When the Boat Comes In, "way hay man"! Bonny Lass!

I know lots of people who did this at university. Talk constantly about how poor they were (not). We called them poverty tourists.

yellowsubmarines · 28/06/2021 15:27

iklboo Sun 27-Jun-21 22:48:26 @yellowsubmarines - not that kind of wanky, more 'pretentious'. That was maybe a tiny bit mean, but I can totally understand why. Maybe he didn't turn up either, having met his dream woman on the way to the park when he dropped the picnic basket and she helped him pick everything up. He's now on BlokesNet telling the story about how he stood you up & feels guilty ☺️.

Grin lol That could erase decades of guilt and would actually make me feel so much better! Grin

peaceanddove · 28/06/2021 15:37

Well, I was educated at a Steiner school which is the ultimate in Bohemian wankery. On any given day, I'd be learning to write Sanskrit, singing medieval hunting songs or milking the school's small herd of goats 😊

Twinsmum2003 · 28/06/2021 16:03

@peaceanddove

Well, I was educated at a Steiner school which is the ultimate in Bohemian wankery. On any given day, I'd be learning to write Sanskrit, singing medieval hunting songs or milking the school's small herd of goats 😊
That sounds awesome, I must be an old hippy at heart!
MrsWooster · 28/06/2021 16:04

We bought a set of cordless phones from the Oxfam shop and, when plugged in at home, found that the previous owner had ‘named’ one of them Drawing Room. We promptly named the other three ‘West Wing’, ‘Scullery’ and ‘Orangery’. Visitors look at our (very nice) Yorkshire ex-council house and you can see them wonder…

Twinsmum2003 · 28/06/2021 16:15

@ScrollingLeaves

“Twinsmum2003

madgirlsinging
Signing myself, name, followed by BA(Hons) shortly after getting my degree.......

Putting PhD after your name is the wankiest wankery of all that is wanky.....
A teacher at my kid’s school had a PhD and insisted everyone called her doctor, to the point where all kids and staff had a hoodie with the school badge on the front and their surname on the back and she was the only one that insisted on having Dr written in front of her surname. Caused much sniggering amongst the parents. She was an awful teacher too!”

There is a first rate private school I know of where some of the teachers have PHDs and have the title Dr.

This school is a sort of university for children. I don’t really see why this is wanky.

Sorry I didn’t explain it very well. Pupils and parents called her Dr so and so, but I was on the PTA when we fundraised for all staff and pupils to have a hoodie for off curriculum activity days and she was the only staff member who wanted Dr added to their name on their hoodie, when the other 500 just had surnames, had a bit of a strop about it actually.

This is pretty outing but her son was in the same year of school as mine and she had a two hour full-on meltdown in front of me when my son was awarded the year academic prize and not hers. I was left shaking in shock and I tried to apologise and make her feel better (God knows why). They were 8 years old at the time 😳.

ScrollingLeaves · 28/06/2021 16:23

The “Dr” on the hat when no one else had anything but surnames does seem odd, @Twinsmum2003. Thank you for explaining.

How upsetting about what happened with the boys and DS’s prize. I hope she didn’t show her upset to her 8 year old ds.

Twinsmum2003 · 28/06/2021 16:32

@ScrollingLeaves

The “Dr” on the hat when no one else had anything but surnames does seem odd, *@Twinsmum2003*. Thank you for explaining.

How upsetting about what happened with the boys and DS’s prize. I hope she didn’t show her upset to her 8 year old ds.

Thank you for your reply. I’m sure she showed how upset she was to her son and probably to the teachers at the school in no uncertain terms. I gave her a very wide berth after that though!
bumptobean · 28/06/2021 17:36

I honestly didn’t realise I had done this. I had recently found out I was pregnant and was talking about how shocked I was at it happened literally first try. Two of the girls in the work group had both been trying for IVF as they had been trying to fall pregnant for years with issues. Never realised till a long after - I was young, naive and wanky.

Newmum3200 · 28/06/2021 17:42

Crunchymum this is interesting! I’ve always assumed it was subconscious inverted snobbery on my part, as my (very northern) accent seems to get stronger and deeper whenever i’m in the company of a (presumed) snob or anyone that’s clearly up their own arse.

DouzePoints · 28/06/2021 17:46

My family definitely think I am wanky. They hate the fact that my accent and vocabulary has changed. It genuinely hasn't been a conscious choice or affectation though and the interesting thing is that, at work, people seem to think I'm as rough as they come and I've been on the end of behaviour which is seriously dipping into bullying territory due to my apparent working class roots. So in reality I'm stuck in a middle ground - too posh for my family and too common for my colleagues. In reality, everything I say, and the way I say it, just comes naturally to me. Forcing the balance in either direction would be an affectation.

I was obsessed and hell-bent on studying and working with foreign languages since I was very young. I was extremely lucky and grateful to my parents for letting me go on an exchange trip to Spain at age 13 and because I got on so well with my exchange family and loved immersing myself in their life and language, I went to stay with them again several summers in a row. This was late 80s/early 90s and right from my first visit, I discovered an amazing Spanish foodstuff. I couldn't get enough of it and because I was learning the language and had no frame of reference for this food existing anywhere outside of Madrid, I learnt the Spanish pronunciation, "choreetho". Genuinely, chorizo was not available in the UK, or at east my part of the UK at that point. I took packs of it back for my mum and dad and they also loved it and learned the name choreetho from me (to be fair, they usually called it "that Spanish salami stuff" ) and for years I had no other frame of reference. Then chorizo exploded onto UK shores and everyone started pronouncing it choritso and other variations. For over 20 years, I've had people calling me wanky, waiters smirking and friends asking "do you have to?" whenever I say the word but genuinely, the Spanish pronunciation is hard-wired into my brain and coms out without thinking. I can switch between pie-ella and pie-eyuh easily but that's because I had an anglicised frame of reference before learning the Spanish (even if that frame of reference was Vesta) but chorizo had only one pronunciation for me for about 15 years before I ever heard it differently.

I'll admit to other wankiness though. I decided to carry and use a briefcase at University. Thankfully this was before the Inbetweeners. I must have looked like such a pretentious twat.

I remember telling my childhood best friend, in the late 90s, that it would be difficult to keep in touch with her as I only communicate by email now (thankfully, she forgave my wankiness and we are heading towards 50 years of friendship now).

And the worst. Mentioned my favourite author to MiL and her sister. The sister said she had tried reading one of the author's books but found it confusing. "Yes", I said "It's probably not for you. It's quite highbrow". In my defence, I was 21, straight out of Uni and thought I was far more intelligent than those old women. I cringe myself inside out thinking about it now.

Bertiebiscuit · 28/06/2021 17:47

Joining Mumsnet

iklboo · 28/06/2021 17:49

We very much tongue in cheek call the shit tip cupboard under the stairs The Pantry. Said in a posh Downtown accent. DS's poor friend was a bit baffled when we said he could put his overnight bag in there, he opened the door and was faced with an outreach branch of Steptoes' yard Grin.

tillytoodles1 · 28/06/2021 17:55

I totally embarrassed myself yesterday. We went out for lunch, so I went to sit outside while they were choosing desert. As I was walking back I passed a woman whod just come out. She was holding her stomach and grinning at me so I said I'm stuffed. She replied in a very Northern accent saying ooh it were nice though, I replied in the same accent, yeah, it were lovely weren't it. I hurried back in laughing to myself as I have Liverpool accent and had no idea why I'd spoken like that.

KisstheTeapot14 · 28/06/2021 17:58

At a rave - danced up to some 'old folks' and said (possibly with tinkly laugh) 'What do you think of all this then?'

They growled at me and said 'We were doing this before you were born.'

I danced off - mortified to the core.

tommyhoundmum · 28/06/2021 17:58

My 18 year old speaks in different accents on different days. When I complain, she says she can't help it. We are South Londoners.

adagiok5 · 28/06/2021 18:04

When I was about 20 I worked on the chemist counter of a well known chemist chain . It was a time when you could only buy Durex from the chemist . One day to my horror a senior colleague of my soon to be husband came in to buy some durex . I had to serve him . I was so embarrassed when he said hello . I blurted out “ weekend off ? “ To which he replied ‘ no I am on nights ‘

PacifyLulu · 28/06/2021 18:11

@Iamaperiwinkle

Eldest daughter complained in Tesco that there were 'not enough servants around' lots of raised eyebrows etc at said 3 year old whilst I hissed servers not servants. Felt very very wanky.

Youngest is called by a family name eg fitzwilliam on birth certificate but is just known as will by us. He was playing with some of his friends from school and one of the mum called all 4 boys over - we were having a cuppa whilst they were at a farm park with ' come along rufus, Montague, fitzwilliam and hugo, you dont want to make us late for xxx' we all 3 of us looked at each other in horror and wanted to die. The names all sounded so pretentious together the reality was they were called roof, goose, will and hugs Smile I dont know what possessed her to call them by their full names that we never use

No, I think the wankiest thing you’ve ever done is believe that “Roof, Goose, Will and Hugs” does not sound pretentious Grin
Bleachmycloths · 28/06/2021 18:12

To little blackcat22

MotherS-in-law, not mother-in- lawS
Poor grammar much more irritating than regional accents.

Mamanyt · 28/06/2021 18:21

Wankiest....probably the time that my ex and I were taking the boys to an amusement park and I faked a sick headache, but insisted that he not disappoint the boys. I didn't have a headache, I was just desperate for two hours on my own. The boys were 8 and 9, and he was well-able to watch them, but had I been there, I'd have been doing it all.

iklboo · 28/06/2021 18:24

MotherS-in-law, not mother-in- lawS
Poor grammar much more irritating than regional accents.

Now this is wanky.

KisstheTeapot14 · 28/06/2021 18:31

@adagiok5

This kind of conversation is an occupational hazard of working in a chemist's shop.

I worked in one when I was about 14 or 15 (long time ago now).

It was mortifying when people came to buy durex - plus we had a till like the one in 'open all hours' that winded you when the drawer shot out.

My sister told me I'd have to have Northern Elecution lessons when I came back from Uni in case I got beaten up at local pubs....

looptheloopinahulahoop · 28/06/2021 18:41

Then chorizo exploded onto UK shores and everyone started pronouncing it choritso and other variations. For over 20 years, I've had people calling me wanky, waiters smirking and friends asking "do you have to

I have this with Lidl. I first came across it in Germany and it is pronounced Leedl, not Liddle. My mu pronounces it Leedl too and has a German neighbour who comments on the fact she is the only person she knows who pronounces it correctly.

We appear to be able to pronounce Aldi correctly though. Or do people say aldi to rhyme with all as opposed to aldi to rhyme with Sal and I've just not noticed?

But I grew up with a Braun hairdryer so say Brawn the English way rather than Brown.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 28/06/2021 18:46

When I was a pre-teen I started to draw little hearts or circles above my i’s instead of a dot thinking this made me look really cool, I have managed to train myself out of the hearts but cannot seem to break the circles

I did that too with the circles. I can't remember when, or why, I stopped doing it.