Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

[Originalyellowbelly]

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

@Scarby9

Or water the fence.

I came on to say this!!

has anyone said

Don’t cut your grass ever. I had a colleague who suffered terribly with hay fever and asthma. She would get angry to the point of hysteria when people cut their grass. It was an absolute nightmare for her because she really did get very strong reactions to it but she genuinely thought that everyone in the area (terraced houses with back to back gardens and two schools with playing fields across the road) should keep their grass long to accommodate her.

Flags, DO NOT fly a flag

Dry your bin bags on the line

My fence has grown an extra foot, since i started watering it.

You could wee in the garden by moonlight too.

@vodkaredbullgirl

My fence has grown an extra foot, since i started watering it.

Your fence is now illegally high, I'm calling 101.

leaf blowing? I have the loudest leaf blower in the world and I absolutely love using it at the weekend just as the arsehole neighbours fire their BBQ up.

You can never, ever have visitors and certainly not a party of any kind. Nobody should park on the street outside your house so anyone who has to come must walk.

You can't sit and read a book quietly

In case you make other people jealous of your book/education/lady of leisure lifestyle

Don't breath, avert your eyes & probably go live elsewhere .. sheesh!

@Maggiesfarm

You can dance in the nude by moonlight. If the neighbours complained, nobody would believe them anyway.

I'm pretty sure that counts as attention seeking.

Have you seenbird box?

Yeah.. That!

@youshouldbeplotting I will take a chainsaw to it now.

Don't cut the lawn, it's all about the re-wilding now.
(Well that's my excuse).

Don't get pissed and dance naked in the rain (when you are 52 and DH is 60).

@lotstolose1

Flags, DO NOT fly a flag

We fly both the American Stars and Stripes and the Union Jack. Equal opportunity offending, that's what we aim for.

@Originalyellowbelly, you can mutter under your breath while cleaning the cat shit up (as I used to do when I had my old fella - he used to dig a hole and then shit on the pile of dirt - at least it was easier to find)!
As far as the farting goes: I do tend to specialise in the morning just after I've got up. As they say 'where e're you be, let your wind blow free'! 🤣

@Maggiesfarm

You can dance in the nude by moonlight. If the neighbours complained, nobody would believe them anyway.

Growing up, I had a neighbour who did that very thing. And you're right, no one complained. I think the adults just pretended it wasn't happening.

Can one sit in the garden, pondering on what the elderly Korean lady might be doing these days?
Pondering quietly, obviously, with gaze directed at the floor, and breathing only at the point just before one passes out.

Can someone remind me on the rules for conservatory and garden room use?

Do not play audibly with your children while in the garden. This is Performance Parenting of the Common or Garden Variety.

@Originalyellowbelly

I do very musical farts, does that count as two offences?

I need to know because I like sauerkraut and I bend over to pick up weeds often...

Waves very discreetly over the fence @Sweetpea1532>>>>

Absolutely do make sure you go out into your garden when you need to do a loud, rasping fart.

Then hurry inside and take a good look on MN so that you can see the threads that are now being posted about your gaseous emissions.