Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

[Originalyellowbelly]

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

Contrary to popular belief... children mustn’t be seen or heard.

If you break the no children rule, at least have the decency to keep them indoors 365 days of the year. Whilst inside they must be completely silent, no screens, no toys and certainly no laughter.

Lastly, please don’t bring them up to be rude hooligans that actually say hello to people when they see them. If you’re going to be that bad of a parent, you may as well have them taken into care.

Have I missed a farting in the garden thread? I’m kind of worried that it’s me

sixthtimelucky oh, thank you, I love them! My hoards of cats will love them too

@ZZTopGuitarSolo
Au contraire, there will be no raking of leaves! Too much scritch scritch scritching from the rake...you absolutely must pick up every fallen leaf by hand..and magic it away..no bin bags allowed since plastic is very very bad for the environment 🤨

I second @AlCalavicci post that no chalk is allowed to be used by your DC or anyone else for that matter.
Has anyone mentioned the prohibition of roller skates, skateboards and building of ramps? Nothing quite annoying as those roller wheels.

How about drones?! Definitely out as they are very annoying with their "bees on steroids" buzzing.

I break a lot of rules

So do I. I have a very small wind chime hanging from a window and I occasionally play jazz music quietly.

I await the firing squad.

Well I did wonder why the OP felt the need to start this thread but I went back to AIBU and there must be a dozen threads complaining about other people daring to use their own gardens so that's probably it.

BBQs, fucking BBQs, scooters, sociable children, fence disputes etc etc, it's all there.

Perhaps we need a sub AIBU 'neighbourly disputes'.

astly, please don’t bring them up to be rude hooligans that actually say hello to people when they see them. If you’re going to be that bad of a parent, you may as well have them taken into care

Oh god we have a pool, climbing frame and a tree house 🤣
A dog to.
Love a BBQ !

mineofuselessinformation the only cats that shit in my garden are my own, can I complain to myself?

I love a good garden fart myself

You must also always have an immediate list of numbers to call and report your neighbours to for infringing any of these rules. Police, council, environmental, they must be on speed dial. If at any stage they look to be enjoying their garden a bit too much. Then you need to report them.

You also need to post on mumsent, and use a lot of exaggeration to big up the issue. Any bonfire needs to be an inferno. Any bbq needs to be filling your house with acrid smoke. Your washing needs to be protected at all costs. Any noise must be so so loud that it stops you sleeping and render you unable to function.. Any parties must be every weekend and into the wee small hours. Any drinking must be reported as drunken denauchery. Any children’s laughter needs to be detailed as excessive screaming.

Hyperbole is your friend. You must never admit the mundane truth of it.

I love my wind chimes and have multiple sets, have dogs of a barky breed, and don't always pull the weeds or mow the lawn in a timely fashion. Fortunately there are no neighbours near enough to care. Well, there are some who can hear the dogs, I'm sure, but I can hear their dogs, music, and screaming children from a distance, too, so it's not a problem.

You may aswell just lock the door and close the curtains incase you upset anyone

You're not allowed to do that. And for fuck sake don't leave your washing out.
Also your bins should be bough in no more than 12 minutes after it's been emptied. Do you even care about the elderly and disabled?
Imagine having to push a buggy past a bin in 2021.

I do very musical farts, does that count as two offences?

@vodkaredbullgirl

Breathe loudly

Or at all 😂

Bluntness Sooooo true

Don’t look at the neighbours bathroom window ever. Pervert.

@Bagelsandbrie

Don’t feed the birds, you’ll encourage them to poo everywhere.

But don't not feed the birds in case your neighbours think you're bird-hating cat-lover. It's a minefield.

You can’t have trees that block anyone’s light, but you must have trees which give them privacy.

Oh, I know! Don’t have anything for your children that the neighbours haven’t already got for their children, because it might upset them.

Eating outside in my very own garden- it encourages birds...

And eating outside is slovenly. According to my neighbour. Opinionated much.

Don’t plant any lavender anywhere. You’ll only attract all the bees.

Naked sunbathe…

You can dance in the nude by moonlight. If the neighbours complained, nobody would believe them anyway.