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Original poster

I farted in my surgeons face today.

370 replies

ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 16:57

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

OP posts:
Bbub · 21/05/2021 22:02

Love the one about the blue face, crying and not wanting to admit that you're a nurse too 😂 thanks all for lots of laughs

Bettyboopawoop · 21/05/2021 22:09

Had my baby went home. Next day I was waiting for midwife visit, needed the loo and you know when you have one of those shits where your neverending wiping your arse? And it doesn't seem to get clean! Well I was in the middle of one of those when the midwife knocked! Wiping my ass as fast as I could ready to have stitches checked,.............well I haven't cleaned it all and she made sure she told me too! She went eewwwweeeee

Gwenhwyfar · 21/05/2021 22:11

"she made sure she told me too! She went eewwwweeeee"

That's really unprofessional.

Fifilafrog · 21/05/2021 22:11

@Octopuscrazy

I once had to have a complex root canal. Dishy dentist. Had my first 3h session and was so bored so came prepared for the next session with an audio book. I thought a chick lit would be perfect - a relaxing listen. So brought my earphones and settled down in the chair. Now at this point my mouth is being held open with a mouth guard, we're about an hour in and I'm listening to the story, being still and quiet. From the outside it looks like I'm asleep. Then a hilarious part of the story and I burst out laughing, proper crying tears laughing except, my mouth is stuck open. I'm making this weird gagging sound and i can barely breathe or swallow. The dentist and the nurse are startled, theyre asking "are you alright, are you alright?" I'm still in the middle of this hilarious part in the story, but now I'm also imagining how I look and their faces and I just laugh harder. Tears are streaming down my face. I rip the earphones out of my ears. I'm trying to explain I'm not crying, I'm laughing but I can't because my mouth is still in the mouth guard and all I can do is make this odd half choked sound like a strangled donkey. I finally get myself under control enough to somehow explain that I'm laughing, not crying interspersed with random fits of giggles for the rest of the session.

The earphones didn't go back in, and stayed home for the next session...

This just about finished me off!! I have tears in my belly button for laughing so hard 😂😂
Epwell · 21/05/2021 22:17

When I was in labour I was drugged up to the eyeballs when the anaesthetist came to see me about an epidural. I decided he was enormously attractive, possibly the most gorgeous specimen of manhood I had ever had the fortune to meet, so I started stroking his arm and telling him how lovely he was, and how much I loved him. My husband, who was sitting at the end of the bed, was slightly surprised but bless him kept quiet and let me carry on! He still tells the story now.

getyourfreakon · 21/05/2021 22:18

Went with Dsis and my niece for a check on her hips at the hospital as she'd failed the GP 6 week check. They manipulated one leg and baby niece let out the most epic fart that echoed and had a squeak at the end. We all fell apart laughing. They turned to check the other side and it happened again. It was a legs giving way absolute fit of the giggles situation for all adults in the room. Baby was just fine Grin

CheeseIsMyJam · 21/05/2021 22:20

Last summer I was being carried down the stairs by 2 paramedics trying to get me into an ambulance. I passed out on the stairs and when I came round I randomly burped right in one of their faces. Classy.

CheeseIsMyJam · 21/05/2021 22:21

Just to add I was not drunk, because that's totally how it sounds now I've read it back Grin

LunaTheCat · 21/05/2021 22:22

Farting is very common with medical procedures -we don’t bat an eyelid - air comes our when speculum revmoved almost always!
Love your stories baby doc
I farted one in from of a very posh women with a child with her - I had bent down to look in said child’s ears and happened when I stood up, The woman with an accent like cut glass made a huge song and dance “ somebodies farted.. who’s farted” . I was junior and said nothing. I was very glad when they left!

Stealhsquirrelnutkin · 21/05/2021 22:23

I said I felt like Sooty

That observation just creased me up. Surely everyone in the room must have been struggling to hang on to their professional demeanour. Then howling with delight once they got into the staff room with the door closed securely behind them.

Triphazards · 21/05/2021 22:23

Better an empty house, than a bad tenant.

LunaTheCat · 21/05/2021 22:24

@Epwell

When I was in labour I was drugged up to the eyeballs when the anaesthetist came to see me about an epidural. I decided he was enormously attractive, possibly the most gorgeous specimen of manhood I had ever had the fortune to meet, so I started stroking his arm and telling him how lovely he was, and how much I loved him. My husband, who was sitting at the end of the bed, was slightly surprised but bless him kept quiet and let me carry on! He still tells the story now.
Oh poor you! I bet the anaesthetist will always remember you! Without the drugs he was probably just an ordinary bloke!
TommyShelby · 21/05/2021 22:34

This thread is hilarious!

‘I feel like Sooty’ and ‘danced into my fart cloud’ are classic!

This should go in Classics actually mumsnet hq!!

Cailleach1 · 21/05/2021 22:44

@ShutUpAlex

I fell over on the bus when I was pregnant with my daughter. It was one of those slow motion falls that took about 10 minutes for me to land on the floor and I emitted a long and loud fart the whole time that continued even after I was lying on the bus floor.
Oh gosh! As farcical as it sounds, I hope you didn't hurt yourself; other than your pride. I imagine the slow motion element involved trying to save yourself on the way down.

I have to admit it sounds comical (I hope you weren't hurt) and the image will stay with me. I think we can all imagine, and dread, this sort of thing happening to us.

Cocolapew · 21/05/2021 22:51

There was nobody else there to admire my comic genius Sad the midwife had stepped out, my mum was there but she just rolled her eyes.
The poor Dr was about 12.

YerAWizardHarry01 · 21/05/2021 22:52

@Triphazards

Better an empty house, than a bad tenant.
I'm not sure how, after all these fantastic stories, that this is the comment that has me absolutely pissing
iminvestedinthis · 21/05/2021 22:54

When I was pregnant and having a few difficulties I asked the doctor who had just done my internal scan if he thought it was OK for us to have sex. I meant me and my husband. The dr clearly thought I meant me and him. He looked mortified.

Coldbit · 21/05/2021 22:56

I was collecting my mail from the communal hallway when I unexpectedly let rip with a bit of a stinker. Luckily I was alone but literally as I was closing the door to my flat I heard voices on the stairwell and the estate agent plus the very posh couple he was showing the upstairs flat to entered the hall. Their eyes must have been watering as they walked through my bum fog but no one said a word and I was in such a hurry to close my door so they wouldn’t see me that I trapped my finger in the doorway and let out an ungodly howl. They decided not to buy the flat, strangely enough.

Hyppogriff · 21/05/2021 23:01

During my first c section I did a fart that lasted about 10 seconds with everyone quiet and listening !

HangingOver · 21/05/2021 23:03

Sooty omg Grin

Cocolapew · 21/05/2021 23:06

@iminvestedinthis

When I was pregnant and having a few difficulties I asked the doctor who had just done my internal scan if he thought it was OK for us to have sex. I meant me and my husband. The dr clearly thought I meant me and him. He looked mortified.
🤣 I had a scan of my womb and the young Dr was in awe at the size of it (thick lining). He told me he'd never seen one that big and I acted like a proud parent. I even thanked him Confused
richtea4 · 21/05/2021 23:20

@Bettyboopawoop had me laughing Grin

Holothane · 21/05/2021 23:29

I’ve come back to finish thread crying here oh this has made my day. Thankyou.

notagainohno · 21/05/2021 23:36

I've laughed at so many of these posts, and having IBS I've had my moments. @Coldbit I nearly woke my husband I was laughing so much at yours.

Shallow07 · 21/05/2021 23:37

The day after I had DD by c-section my in-laws decided to visit us. I spent their entire visit high on morphine so not really knowing what I was saying, with my boobs mostly hanging out of a maternity bra nowhere near man enough for the job and continuously farting for the whole 90 minutes, while we all pretended nothing was happening. Mortifying but funny now. If we have another baby, no visitors until the post section farts have stopped 🤣