What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

Having a bath together is a farce. Get completely wedged in, squeaking around trying to squeeze yourself round the bathtub. Water constantly going cold so whichever poor sod is sitting next to it has to try and dodge the hot tap. You've either got your knees wedged up to your chin or someone's feet in your armpits. I don't know how cramming 2 people in a small box of dirty water ever got to be considered romantic.

Also, totally agree with the guitar playing serenading. So bloody awkward, trying to maintain an enthralled facial expression while wondering how bloody long it's going to continue. Unfortunately I kept going for these types when I was younger, it was a bit of a habit and even now, my friends will make sure to point out every long haired man carrying a guitar and ask if I want to marry him.

Ah you are hilarious (and I agree) especially the mud spa @Hoppinggreen, I'm still laughing.

DD had the guitar playing, songwriting boyfriend. He seranated her with a song written to/about his mummy 😂.

I've got another one, every chef on telly talking about sexy food, unless it's your bf/dh's cock and balls served suggestingly it's not sexy 🙄.

@ForwardRanger

The ones about guitar strumming Romeos reminds me of a couple I used to know. He played the flute while she gave birth. Can you imagine? They broke up soon after.

Can't think why they broke up ...

Writing you poetry. Then reading it to you.

They just had to lie in a semi-dark room in dressing gowns while some local loon dinged bowls to make sounds

That's made my lockdown belly fat shake with laughter.

Oh God the running after the train has won, I would honestly want to die of shame sitting down after it had pulled out of the stop 😑😑

@ForwardRanger

The ones about guitar strumming Romeos reminds me of a couple I used to know. He played the flute while she gave birth. Can you imagine? They broke up soon after.

I'm surprised he survived.

Sex in front of an open fire. One side gets toasted, the other frozen, so you have to keep rotating like a kebab on a skewer to avoid this.

Also with the sex on the beach thing, sand gets everywhere

Oh my word - I’ve never found anyone else like me. I can‘t watch anyone’s first dance! I find it excruciating!
I’m not into the romantic stuff at all. An ex of mine liked to go to posh hotels and stuff but it wasn’t my for me. However, he did once meet me after lectures, holding a polystyrene burger box thing. Thought that was sweet, then I opened it up and there was no burger but a pair of socks with the road runner on them, with the caption “dynamite on the ball” (football) and a pair of little earrings stuck in them (accessorize type, not expensive). To me that was more romantic than any big gesture - I hate football, he was football mad and we’d been playing the night before with another couple - just silly kicking the ball around, but I scored while putting my hair into a ponytail. So it was meaningful, a bit weird and silly.

@Yorkshireteaalwayswins

I was just about to say sharing a bath! Unless you have a massive tub, its just cramped and uncomfortable

even in a big tub it doesnt work, we tried on our honeymoon and neither where happy.

I was freezing because he kept adding cold and he was complaining he was boiling alive (god only knows how it was about as tepid as a toddlers bath).

I do like a good joint shower. It's good to laugh at the awkward bits.

Pretty much everything that is meant to be "romantic" I find utterly cringemaking and off-turning.

I'm a pretty prosaic person and don't "get" romance.
The only thing I would possibly like would be a surprise picnic with all my favourite foods - in a place where there were no fecking wasps, ants or other bastard insects. That would be nice.

This thread should be compulsory reading for every man on the planet.

And yes, we absolutely know when you're doing it 'for us', that it's totallyyy for you.

Go downstairs and make me a cup of tea instead, and while you're down there put the dishwasher on and let the dog out.

Me too. I even find the couple’s first dance at weddings a bit cringy to be honest

You beat me to it, that was the first thing I thought of. It wasn't a thing when I got married, thank goodness. Have been to a few in recent years and can't understand how they don't want the floor to swallow them up! It's truly cringey.

I don't know how cramming 2 people in a small box of dirty water ever got to be considered romantic.

🤣

Fingering by my first boyfriend when I was a teenager. It really did nothing for me.

I am so uncomfortable reading this thread. The cringe factor is so strong in here.

I caught DS singing and playing guitar over a facetime to his gf a few months ago. I almost died. He has Aspergers though so I couldn't burst his bubble and tell him how cringe this was as he had never played in front of her before so it took a lot for him to do that, and she had asked him to do it so I suppose that's not as bad. First relationship, didn't last long. I think I need to have a word with him....

Have enjoyed sharing a bath with DH in the past - a long time ago. We had a very large, deep cast iron bath then.

But was just thinking if we tried to share a bath now, at our slightly higher bodyweights and with our average sized bath, one or both of us would get wedged in and we'd probably end up coming through the kitchen ceiling what with the flood that surely would be caused.

Imagine that home insurance claim

@ForwardRanger

The ones about guitar strumming Romeos reminds me of a couple I used to know. He played the flute while she gave birth. Can you imagine? They broke up soon after.

I would have rammed that flute somewhere!

The worst public proposal I witnessed was in Asda. Asda of all fucking places, he asked for it to be announced an the tannoy! You couldn’t get less romantic if you bloody tried. I had an ex who used to say ‘you’re a princess and should be treated like one!’ Aye obviously Princess Diana since he was still shagging his ex!

@Pedalpushers

I don't mind baths but showering together is the worst. Someone is always out of the water and cold, it's slippy, I've got water in my eyes, am I supposed to be washing myself? Ugh.

Slow dancing or just dancing together in general. Let my limbs be free!

Not 'romantic' but supposedly passionate - kisses with tongue. So gross.

Yes, are you actually washing yourself - including putting your hand down to give your bits a good old scrub, not to mention your pits and feet - or just pissing around getting wet for nothing. If the former it is far from sexy, if thd latter what's the point when there's a perfectly good bed or floor or chair or wall (see, Im not too square).

@DinosaurDiana

Fingering by my first boyfriend when I was a teenager. It really did nothing for me.

Hear hear. I've had more romantic smear tests.

We did the shower once - never again.
And, when I was younger and slimmer, sex up against the wall - no thanks.

Feeding each other

Nope, just nope

Hear hear. I've had more romantic smear tests.