What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

Cards with soppy poems or messages (prefer something tasteful, or preferably containing a witty joke).

Sleeping in their arms - impossible.

I also had the guitar playing boyfriend (do they think we are impressed, turned on or what?)- I remember looking at his hands and wishing he was doing sonething else with them....

Being presented with scratchy, crotchless pants - they never saw the light of day again.

Snogging... in the first few months together when you are young and loved up? Sure. But after 10 years of marriage? Yuck!
A lovely quick kiss on the lips way more romantic.
My DH tried to snog me recently... I was honestly like... what was that? We haven’t snogged in over 10 years... let’s keep it that way.

Thought I would add my most cringe moment...
in my 20s ... one night stand... all going really well, enjoying it until he pulled out, came on my stomach (not so bad) ... gross bit... He then licked up his own come while staring me dead in the eyes like I was supposed to find it sexy or something!
Most cringe moment of my 20s. The memory still haunts me.

I think also that a lot of things are only romantic if the right person is doing it. My DP wrote me a poem once. Pure smut but I quite liked it. Other exPs - pissed myself laughing.

With you PPs on punting and small boats generally. Yup. Boring, unless they fall in.

And ‘romantic’ dinners. All dressed up, starter inevitably dripped down best frock, endless casting about for conversation because it’s ‘special’, obligatory eye gazing, trying to eat sexily, tasting each other’s meals even though I really hate his choice. Barf. And I want all of my pudding, thanks mate. Fork off.
Add in foreign language, it’s even more excruciating. First date with DP i was so stressed with trying to be fascinating and dainty I tried to say do you want to taste my fig starter but managed to invite him to go down on me.
He sharply inhaled his Parma ham and with eyes streaming said he’d be delighted but maybe after coffee.

Only surprise romantic weekend I was taken on (Amsterdam), I had an awful period pain for most of it.

Had another (horrendous period pain) on holiday on Paris with a different boyfriend. We booked 10 days - it was about 9 days too long and we didn't have enough money to do much, so spent a lot of time in cafes sitting over a cold coffee. So romantic. I didn't even fancy him so I don't know why he ever was my boyfriend.

It's all about...you had me in stitches...thank you....😂

The picnic ones reminded me of my last romantic picnic. Beautiful location, he'd brought amazing food but half way through he decided, for reasons unknown to me, to athletically swing one foot over my head. Except he misjudged and kicked me very hard in the temple. That I can tell you was not romantic.

Flowers.
I have horrible allergies and having flowers makes my heart sink as I just know I'm in for a bloody miserable week 😂😂
DP doesn't get me them anymore for exactly this reason!

A boyfriend sang and played guitar at me at my 18th birthday party for 6 whole minutes . I just wanted to fucking die. Dumped before the night was through.

People who overtly gush about their partner or overly compliment them in a group in front of partner. It is cringy and sounds so insincere.

So glad it's not just me who cringed at being sung to with the guitar etc.

When I was 17, my boyfriend at the time recorded himself singing and playing the guitar of my favourite song for my birthday, he made a HUGE deal of it.

I couldn't even bring myself to listen to it, the thought of it just made me cringe so bad. Felt terrible because he was so proud of it, but pretended I loved/listened to it and he was none the wiser.

Cuddling in bed. OH snuggles in behind me and I just know he's going to fall asleep like that, on MY side of the bed. His arm is so heavy once he's asleep too, feels like he could crush my ribs!

I agree with sexy underwear. Especially if it’s sweaty scarlet nylon and even more so if it’s a thong. All men should try wearing a thong, so they can understand why many women can’t stand them. Permanent wedgie/bum floss.

Boyfriend ringing unexpectedly to whisper sweet nothings into my ear when I've settled down to watch my series. Go away, now is not the time!

@joystir59

Sex on the beach. Just plain dangerous!

I had amazing sex on the beach once.

Sharing a bath 💯 absolutely awful. I like hot water, he screams like a cat being skinned the second his bollocks hit anything slightly over tepid. The bath is not built to hold two people who enjoy pizza as much as we do, and frankly, I don't want to share my bath.

Rose petals - just a mess to clean up and a waste of a nice floral arrangement.

And lastly - being serenaded. This actually happened to me once, an entertainer bloke on his night off at a holiday village came to my table with a microphone and screeched out stevie wonder - I ran away at the second chorus and avoided him the rest of the week. Terrible.

Years ago, in my early 20s, I agreed to go on a date with a guy who was about ten years older than me.
He ended up terrifying me and yet he genuinely thought he was romantic. His crimes, over a period of about a fortnight, included -

Sending me tape recordings of him crooning love songs, whilst playing his guitar

Sketching Disney characters and actually colouring them in with coloured pencils (they were very good sketches.....my then 5 year old cousin was thrilled with them but I was NOT a five year old girl myself!!) and posting them through the door

When I wasn’t delighted with the above, he changed to calligraphy writing of prayers and psalms, along with tapes of him playing his guitar and singing hymns (because he knew I went to church occasionally)

He also tried his hand at composing me some poetry and writing a love letter or two.

He climbed the fire escape and left flowers on my balcony. Scared the crap out of me because I’d not known it was possible to do that and I never felt safe there after that!

When I was at the point of being seriously terrified of this bloke, he made the mistake of turning up to my workplace with chocolates and more flowers. Proper, huge expensive florist’s display; not your supermarket bunch.

Eventually, I had to speak to his older, pillar of the community brother, who was mortified and the weird stalker behaviour stopped.

I often reflect on that, years down the line and wonder just how out of hand he could have got. My horrid friends were all gutted though, as they’d been thoroughly amused by the tape recordings and calligraphy

I went out for a meal once & he started trying to feed me in the middle of a crowded restaurant. I just wanted to tell him to f*ck off & couldn't wait to get home. Never saw him again.
Another ex used to stare at me when I was sleeping then tell me how beautiful I looked. That was too weird.
And if anyone tries to give me a foot massage they're likely to get kicked! 😂

Long distance ex thought it would be romantic to spring a surprise visit on me late one night. Instead of telling me he was coming and knocking on the front door like a normal human being he decided to just turn up and shin up the drain pipe. I was in my bedroom alone, which I don't think he expected, hence the surprise visit saw a shadow at the window, and screamed blue murder in surprise. I eventually realised it was him, fucking angrily let him in through the window and then had to deal with a police raid 10 minutes later because a neighbour had seen him shin up the drainpipe and heard my screams. Romantic it was not. Stupid twat.

@ItsAllAboutTheParsley - PMSL! Guessing the language was Italian, you saucy Minx!

This thread makes me sad. I love DH so much, and he is so kind. Everything I do, I do for him and I know he tries always to make me happy. We shower together EVERY evening. I cook, he washes dishes. We sit together to watch TV, we sleep together and go to bed together at the same time. He writes beautiful, touching poems for Valentines, and usually makes the card, too. He surprises me with jelly beans. He rubs my feet. Everything he does is romantic to me. If he tried some of the really silly things here, we would share a good laugh, mark it up to experience, but I’d truly appreciate the romantic gesture. I think romance, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I guess it’s because we know and love each other so much, and each of us is so busy trying to make the other happy, we end up happy ourselves.

That’s sweet @MadCattery although I am struggling to understand how one can be surprised with jellybeans more than once. After the first time I would be on my guard for surprise confectionary. Fool me once, shame on me!

@MadCattery

This thread makes me sad. I love DH so much, and he is so kind. Everything I do, I do for him and I know he tries always to make me happy. We shower together EVERY evening. I cook, he washes dishes. We sit together to watch TV, we sleep together and go to bed together at the same time. He writes beautiful, touching poems for Valentines, and usually makes the card, too. He surprises me with jelly beans. He rubs my feet. Everything he does is romantic to me. If he tried some of the really silly things here, we would share a good laugh, mark it up to experience, but I’d truly appreciate the romantic gesture. I think romance, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I guess it’s because we know and love each other so much, and each of us is so busy trying to make the other happy, we end up happy ourselves.

Why does it make you ‘sad’? I can assure you I adore my husband, but I also prefer to shower solo, don’t regard sharing household chores or watching tv together as in any way romantic (isn’t this just normal?), and my insomnia means we sleep separately and at very different hours. If someone showed me a poem they’d written, my sole thought would be whether it was any good. I hate having my feet touched.

And no, I don’t find attempts to ‘be romantic’ touching in themselves just because someone ‘made an effort’. They’re tone deaf and suggest the person hasn’t listened or thinks one size fits all.

2nd sharing a bath: with a guy I was besotted with, he was keen, so in we got, he ‘mega’ splashed me ..like a toddler doing his best tidal waive, my 90s mascara immediately ran down my face so I resembled a reject from a goth looking metal band, I also choked a bit, I got out to wash it out of my eyes & minimise the bloodshot eyeballs, dried my face on the towel by the sink, only unbeknown to me wiped the germs that bring out a tremendous portion impatigo alllll over my face (he was a mechanic, dr said it’d likely be dirt/oil from his hands left on the towel) I was 18 & horrified that my face was peeling off & super painful, then I found out he was shagging an ‘easy’ rough old bint from his work.
I’m So lucky it was just impetigo and bloodshot eyes he gave me
The romantic bath was the single most least romantic thing ever, I’ve recoiled at offers of this delight with relationships since... never again. Ever.

@SquatBetty

Your DH to be asking your parents (or even worse - just your Dad) for their permission/ blessing to allow him to ask you to marry him. That's not romantic - that's the patriarchy in action.

This gives me the biggest eye roll too! Dads don't own their daughters!