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Original poster

What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

880 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 29/04/2021 10:59

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 30/04/2021 19:35

@fucksat50

Sex in the shower - can't be done IMO
Oh, god. I picked up this chap in a bar once. Took him home. We were both really drunk and decided to go for it in the shower. We had this idea that he'd stand up and hold my legs round his waist whilst I held onto the shower rod.

You can guess what happened. We both wound up in an ambulance. The back of his head had struck the tiles on the way down, causing a skull fracture (and damage to the bathroom in my rented flat). I fell forward and broke my elbow and gashed my forearm so badly on something I need 22 stitches. The rod was ripped out of the wall.

Not to mention, we were soaking wet and bloody and I had to let the paramedics in.

Susannahmoody · 30/04/2021 19:43

We had this idea that he'd stand up and hold my legs round his waist whilst I held onto the shower rod.
^

Hells bells

BlowDryRat · 30/04/2021 19:44

@osbertthesyrianhamster that is exactly how I imagine stand up shower sex. That sounds horrific! Did you get a second date? Grin

osbertthesyrianhamster · 30/04/2021 19:50

@Susannahmoody

We had this idea that he'd stand up and hold my legs round his waist whilst I held onto the shower rod. ^

Hells bells

We were very drunk Grin.
bigmumsymcgraw · 30/04/2021 19:50

This is the funniest thread 😂😂😂😂

osbertthesyrianhamster · 30/04/2021 19:51

[quote BlowDryRat]@osbertthesyrianhamster that is exactly how I imagine stand up shower sex. That sounds horrific! Did you get a second date? Grin[/quote]
Erm, no. Grin I lost my deposit on the flat, too.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 30/04/2021 19:52

@SimonJT

Chocolate body paint, also, why chocolate flavour? It just looks like you’ve smeared each other in shit.

Personalised gifts with photos on.

Watching the sun rise/set, you just sit there absolutely freezing.

I just thought of this straight away!

DoveOfPiss · 30/04/2021 19:54

Oysters 🤢🤮

JudgeJ · 30/04/2021 19:56

@MrsRagnarLothbrok

cuddling or spooning after sex, pull my nightie down when you have finished and fuck off to your own side of the bed!!!

staged romantic events, meals, picnics, declarations of love, proposals just stop it we are not in a film

cant think why I'm single

The other side of the bed was always mine, it was dry!
osbertthesyrianhamster · 30/04/2021 20:01

Oh, god, that was another one, food! Remember that film 9 1/2 Weeks? My boyfriend and I at the time got this idea to smear food all over each other and lick it off. I really don't recommend ice cream.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 30/04/2021 20:09

@Amdone123

I used to work in a school and every year 1 of the teaching assistants would get a massive bouquet on Valentine's Day, sent to school.

She used to look smug about it, but everyone else just thought it so pretentious. They lived together so why send them to a workplace?

I agree about the cups of tea. My OH brings me one most mornings ; it's so nice.

Many moons ago, my mum worked in an office with about 10 people.

There was a woman, let's call her Sheila, who had an enormous bouquet of flowers delivered to the office for her birthday.

'How puzzling?' thought my mum, until another member of staff told her that the flowers were from Sheila's bit on the side.

exexpat · 30/04/2021 20:10

Did anyone else see a romcom a year or two back where the man invites the woman to a romantic lunch in a private dining room, and a dove (or doves?) gets released and is swooping around and it is a total disaster? I can't for the life of me remember what it was called, but it totally summed up what I think of self-consciously romantic meals and gestures.

I have been proposed to in public/semi-public twice (two different people), and both times wished they hadn't.

VerbenaGirl · 30/04/2021 20:10

Picnics. If you saw Claudia Winkleman on Graham Norton recently, she expressed it perfectly.

Maddox33 · 30/04/2021 20:13

I had a horrific surprise proposal - he got down on one knee, produced a ring box and asked me to marry him, in front of loads of our friends and his bloody parents. Shock

We had been dating for less than a month and I was still trying to decide if I actually wanted to carry on seeing him.The proposal gave me a shock, a proper physical reaction like being electrocuted, or punched in the stomach, and I mumbled something about needing some air.

I walked out of the pub and ran all the way home. My dad initially thought he'd assaulted me, I was so upset. He was relieved to discover it was a marriage proposal and nothing else.

It still makes me shudder to this day. Poor bloke.

roxanne119 · 30/04/2021 20:17

Valentine’s Day Valentine’s Day meals with everybody crammed into a restaurant with a cheap flower and poor food .

DagenhamRoundhouse · 30/04/2021 20:24

Cheap nylon lingerie, usually red.

olbndanszombie · 30/04/2021 20:29

Satin fucking sheets don’t stay on the bed, head slips off the pillows just no.

At my 40th many moons ago a friend singing wild thing to her exh 🤢

SewVeryLazy · 30/04/2021 20:32

On films it seems to be a romantic gesture to book out a whole restaurant so the couple cam dine alone.
On the evening after we got engaged, we went for dinner (hadn't booked anything), a restaurant we stumbled across spent about 10 minutes checking and then decided they could squeeze us in. We were the only people in the whole place (it wasn't small) until we were eating our desserts, and we got there after 7pm. Empty restaurants are not romantic, they are weird and boring.

5adayincludeswine · 30/04/2021 20:33

Any type of stroking - just itchy and annoying. Also cuddling in bed, we have a super king for a reason - I DONT LIKE TOUCHING!!!!

DazedWifelet · 30/04/2021 20:37

DH nibbling my earlobe/putting tongue in ear. What the fuck are you doing? He tried that shit at the start of our relationship and I told him if he ever did that again I would head-butt him! Loathe it! 🤮🤮

CounsellorTroi · 30/04/2021 20:37

@SewVeryLazy

On films it seems to be a romantic gesture to book out a whole restaurant so the couple cam dine alone. On the evening after we got engaged, we went for dinner (hadn't booked anything), a restaurant we stumbled across spent about 10 minutes checking and then decided they could squeeze us in. We were the only people in the whole place (it wasn't small) until we were eating our desserts, and we got there after 7pm. Empty restaurants are not romantic, they are weird and boring.
OTOH having a cinema to yourselves is rather nice.
KisstheTeapot14 · 30/04/2021 20:39

Valentine's Cards.

Remember sending on as a teenager...it said all this guff about 'I love you more than...(extensive list) chocolate biscuits, sunshine, breathing etc' I looked at it as I was putting it in the envelope and thought 'No I bloody don't - I like all those things better than you! Also its not really a competition is it? I can like several things ALL AT ONCE.

I only send Valentine's cards now to very long standing friends as a friendship thing (I make them rather than buy the saccarine coated ones from shop). If you get a card from me it because I have known you for 20 years and still bloody love you.

NoraEphronsNeck · 30/04/2021 20:40

@Pet8

I've just laughed, groaned and nodded to the whole thread but surprised no one has said... nibbling and licking ears. Just. No. So grim having a tongue poking your waxy earlobe.
The absolute worst Confused
Harls1969 · 30/04/2021 20:42

Most traditionally romantic stuff makes my toes curl (and not in a good way). Flowers and chocolates occasionally is fine but I would die if DH (or anyone) had ever written me a poem, song or love letter and it would get right on my tits if my he wanted cuddles and kisses all the time. Most romantic stuff is a bit shit

KisstheTeapot14 · 30/04/2021 20:44

Love this thread - has cheered me up no end.

We rebel against conventionally defined romanticism!

A hot cup of tea in bed beats cheap flowers/guitar/singing any day of the month!