What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

We had a double bath once in a hotel by the Niagara Falls, lots of room for two. That was lovely!

Shaving their first initial into your pubes. Especially for the first date.

Learnt that one the hard way.

Strawberries. Most overrated fruit.

@Shodan

Does anyone feel like having sexy times on a full stomach?

This always pisses me off about movies. The hero and heroine gaze soulfully at each other over a candlelit, four course meal and then go straight back home/to the hotel and start rolling around under the magic sheet.

No thank you. After a four course meal all I want to do is take off my 'good clothes', put on some stretchy pjs and caress my over-full stomach, whilst genteelly emitting a few burps.

This may have solved a mystery.......

You know when you go out to dinner with a new man and you order steak, chips and a chocolate pudding.
And then the man says something like "ooo, I like a woman who likes food. My previous GF only had soup or a salad"
I always thought this was some shit compliment.

BUT, what if all along, the previous GF just wanted sex after dinner, so didn't want a full stomach
Whereas I would prefer to stuff my face, than have sex

Mystery solved

Offering to shave your legs

I don't really know what is romantic. I don't like eye contact because I'm autistic so gazing lovingly into each other's eyes isn't going to happen.

Baths together wouldn't work because I'm short and fat and he's tall and we'd be scrunched up uncomfortably in a bath together. Showers also, one of us would get cold.

I usually buy my own flowers, when they're reduced in Tesco, because I feel sorry for them. I wouldn't mind if I got bought them but I wouldn't think it was some big romantic gesture.

I just like being with him. Cuddles are the best, I like holding hands but not for too long. A simple touch of my hand or whatever is wonderful. A message sent during the working day which means he's thinking of me is good.

Anything in front of an audience would be hugely cringey.

My ex whispered in my ear that he wanted to "make love to me all night".

Oh. Please don't. Sounds very boring. A nice quick, hard banging will be just fine.

My ex used to call me Pumpkin.............

minou123 - just chocked! Pmsl.

Their mouth near my ears.
And then when when kiss over my ear and I’m left with the ringing sound of the after kiss for hours after after.

Restaurants. I told DH he must NOT propose to me in a restaurant.

Slow dancing too. Just no.

Sex on a Beach, not only does the sand get into the most uncomfortable of places, but the wildlife such as the Seaguls that either crap on you, or insects that bite and sting you in the most delicate of places!
Then there's the local Yobs who turn up.out of nowhere to use the beach and dunes as a motocross track with powerful headlights after dark!

My DH committed two of these sins early on in our relationship; a surprise weekend....to Paris .
Unfortunately my period started about an hour before he picked me up from work so I felt shit the whole time we were there but his thoughtfulness was what I loved more than the gesture of the trip: he'd packed two suitcases so that I had practically ALL the clothes I owned with me as he didn't know what I'd want to wear, and even better when we arrived he got them to change our room to a kind of self-catering apartment within the hotel so he could make me tea, toast and hot water bottles to help my period pain all weekend!

@Sunson

My ex thought it would be romantic for me to take out his contact lenses for him. Eugh

What? That’s so messed up. What other red flags were there (or did you never find out about the basement)?

@BettysCardigan
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why do men think that it's romantic to 'cuddle' you in bed? I hate anyone or anything touching me when I am trying to sleep, and even if you can tolerate it for a few minutes, they inevitably fall asleep and start snoring in your ear!

I can't think of much worse than sharing a bath or shower with your beloved! Surely the point of said bath/shower is to clean yourself - why would you want to wallow in dirty water with anyone else??

Hilarious thread. Should be in Classics

Being touched while I'm asleep. I loathe it and my husband does it. You would think after nearly 20 years he would have got the message.

A foot massage - gross either giving or receiving!

Oh and sucking fingers and toes - gross!

I have a friend who is trying his damndest to - in his words - 'melt the heart of the ice Queen..' Which is basically code for he fancies his chances. If that type of ridiculous talk isn't bad enough he calls me m'lady all the time and all I can think of when he does is the Amy Schumer skit. He also says things like 'I wish I could share your bath..' which I mentioned up thread is a major no for me.

In short, he has no chance

A couples massage. Like, what's the point, you are both face down on separate tables being massaged by different people, you cant talk to each other or anything?

I have never done it (let's just say it's not DH's sort of thing!) but I have never thought it would be romantic.

Actually anything that is described as “romantic”.

Romantic surprise
Romantic dinner
Romantic walk

The horror

I saw footage of an amazing woman who had been doing an endurance race and beaten all the competition (male and female). An absolutely astonishing performance. And what did her partner do? Proposed as she crossed the line. YOU COULDN'T LET HER HAVE JUST THIS ONE THING, COULD YOU?

@CruCru

Actually anything that is described as “romantic”.

Romantic surprise
Romantic dinner
Romantic walk

The horror

A friend of mine regularly posts on Facebook about romantic walks with her partner and their dogs. I know we're all different, but I don't think I could ever think of something as romantic if it involved the possibility I may have to carry a bag of faeces at some point.