What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

Being called "my lady".

A love poem written in calligraphy. Actually most things that guy did. I suppressed my embarrassment at the time.

I just realized- weddings! Other people's are bad enough. The thought of walking down the aisle with everyone staring, dancing, speeches, etc. Makes me want to die. I've been married twice and managed to avoid all of that. Very small legal ceremony followed by a meal for people we actually knew and liked. Nice dress, not some frilly horror. No family of mine there either.

Oh my god I am so glad it's not just me HATES all these things!!! With my ex any thing he felt was a romantic gesture was a very basic request that I "reward" him with sex 🙄nothing sexier or more romantic than coming home to a clean house, walked dog, and dinner on the go. That is 100% the way to my heart/knickers ♥️😂😂

Defo agree with not sharing a bath! Luckily DH is a Shower man anyway.Just not enough room and wrong on all levels !

@GrapefruitTsunami

I once dated someone who would gaze adoringly into my eyes while biting his bottom lip - like someone out of an 80s boyband or something Bad enough when a teenage boy does it. Completely unacceptable when it's a tubby, balding fella in his 40s.

OMG. That's so horrible and hysterically funny at the same time!

Ha ha ha ha

My ex used to announce (on the very rare occasion that he lifted a finger to do anything) that he had done the dishes for ME. And people say chivalry is dead... Obviously the poor thing was starved while I ate up a feast by myself.

Things that aren’t

• massage. I fall asleep every single time so...

actually if I get a massage with the caveat I’m welcome to snore my head off for a couple of hours after with zero expectations. Fantastic. Slightly romantic, perhaps as I struggle to sleep well and that could be the nicest thing someone could do for me.

• shared baths. I need to scrub my toes and my crack not have yours shoved in my face as you truly Aqua Tetris with body parts. Then joining me in the bathroom (not to take a shite. God my ex always did that) to talk or just spend some 1-2-1 time without any distractions is pretty lovely though especially if they bring a mug of tea up.

• flowers. I buy my own. Nice if I get them but as it’s something I do for myself often it doesn’t really have a shine. Buying me a thought out pot plant though like my mate that got me a plant with ‘hobbit’ in the name because I love lord of the rings, yes. In the fluffy category.

-chocolate. Last time I ate chocolate came up in spots everywhere and those big boxes are just too over indulgent and will lead to a sugar rush and headache. Not for me ta.

• rose petals and candles everywhere. This could potentially be pushed to ‘romantic’ if the tosser that thinks is romantic shuffles around the house dead quiet post coitus cleaning them all up and doesn’t set off the smoke alarms. Ok still not romantic but he had better get it clean.

Things are that I’ve noticed recently with a specific chap. Due to different countries and unable to read/access some articles he reads them to me. And I do for him. Weird yes but it always sparks a discussion and ideas which is pretty bloody hot in my book.

Not romantic (I think?) but certainly designed to get me in the mood for lurrrve- 1st XH performed a striptease for me.

Which he'd rehearsed.

I have literally never been so simultaneously shocked, horrified and embarrassed in my life. Watching him wriggle and writhe around while trying to shed clothing was, hands down, the cringiest thing I've ever witnessed.

And he didn't bother to have a wash first either. His feet stank.

@Cocolapew

My ex once decided to have sex by lifting me up onto him and walking across the room to put me on the window sill . He thought my clinging on to him was a sign of lust but if I was going out the third floor window I was making sure he'd be coming with me.

Three Times a Lady.
Quite possibly the most cringeworthy song ever written.

It's a toss-up between Lady in Red and Wonderful Tonight for second place.

@EvelynSalt

Extensive eye contact during sex, particularly missionary. In the films it looks romantic and passionate. In reality I end up trying to make banal conversation ("all good? What's up?" being common) because I feel weird just staring quietly at each other. Awkward!

I have been wheezing, literally wheezing, reading this. I can picture it so clearly!

Definitely showering together. One person is always not under the shower and therefore cold. With the added thrill of wondering whether one of you is going to slip and break something

@RampantIvy

Paris

Absolutely! I've lived there sometime and it's by far the least romantic place I've been to.

It stinks of piss due to french men pissing on very corner, the streets are covered in dog shit, tourists everywhere, men who do not understand private space, serious depravity in some areas, sellers forcing their tacky souvenirs on you, waiters who hate tourists, overpriced everything... I could go on!

yy bad love poetry from the wrong person is terrible, WTF do you say to them, aagh

@ForeverAintEnough12 as if the spontaneous thing isn't cringe enough

Very close to your post Op....an ex thought drumming combined with wailing and chanting was enjoyable for me . After many long and never-ending sessions one ended abruptly when I finally found my voice and said 'shut the fuck up' the look on his face was a picture and still makes me laugh to this day. I am astonished at the patience I exhibited back then it would have got short shrift these days!

And the showering thing, tried it and there was no position we could do without one of us drowning.

Rose petals in the bath. They just go manky and stick to your boobs.

The first wedding dance
Valentine's day
Hot tubs
Strawberries dipped in chocolate
Petals strewn around
Being serenaded
Being bought sexy underwear

Going out for a 'romantic meal' (back when we could). Does anyone feel like having sexy times on a full stomach?

This thread is brilliant I’ve laughed all day today I too hate love songs, poems. I enjoy flowers nothing expensive just some we both saw in the co op they look nice so came home, now what is romantic is dh putting a chocolate trifle in trolley knowing full well I’ll be scoffing watching films.

@Kapalika I’m dying laughing at this

Feeding each other
Eating or licking food off another body
Chocolate body paint

Does anyone feel like having sexy times on a full stomach?

This always pisses me off about movies. The hero and heroine gaze soulfully at each other over a candlelit, four course meal and then go straight back home/to the hotel and start rolling around under the magic sheet.

No thank you. After a four course meal all I want to do is take off my 'good clothes', put on some stretchy pjs and caress my over-full stomach, whilst genteelly emitting a few burps.

Yeah especially if you have trapped wind from holding it all evening and being ever so ladylike!

BettysCardigan
"My friend's husband surprised her with a couples' trip to a sound bath?!

They just had to lie in a semi-dark room in dressing gowns while some local loon dinged bowls to make sounds.

I'd have slid off the bean bag with laughter. Then swiftly divorced him.*"
*
I cannot stop laughing oh the tears