What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

*buried not hurried

Once went on a date (well he thought it was one) and he said : 'You know my points card is full? So you can have anything, a latté or whatever, because it's FREE'.

He was so thrilled

@schnubbins

" Tell me what you are thinking" " I love you" after two dates

always made me run for the hills

Yes!!

I had a lame guy ask, “tell me what you’re thinking?” on our first date.

Presumably he was trying to appear deep and sensitive, yet it turned me off & I couldn’t hide my disgust. Instant ick. No second date for him.

This is apt

Sitting opposite someone at the dinner table
Brushing teeth together..,just why
One in the bath the other person on the loo ... ew

Hand holding across a table in a restaurant . Twats.

See also the sound of wine pouring in movies. Instant cringe.

And yes to driving leg touching! It makes my husband's day if I put my hand on his leg while he's driving . I'm not naturally inclined to do such annoying things and have no need for a reciprocated thigh grab.

Audible, repetitive kissing in public, particularly on the tube. I'm not sure if that's meant to be romantic but it gives me instant rage.

A guy who was relentlessly pursuing me in my less assertive youth told me he wanted to take me to the cinema. I didn't want to go with him so told him there's no point as I fall asleep in films. That's ok, he says, "I'll hold you in my big arms"

Playing footsie under the table.

You inevitable misjudge and end up strokimg the table leg.

• stroking

So-called 'romantic' meals. In the early days, when the hormones are buzzing, a cheese sandwich on a park bench is magical. Then when it begins to burn out, you're supposed to go for a posh meal and gaze into each others' eyes and not panic that you can't think of anything to say to each other. And then you're supposed to go home and have sex on a full stomach, with all the fart-peril that entails...

@BalloonSlayer

I like feathery stroking but I think I am the only woman in the universe who does.

DH ordered me some roses to be delivered for our anniversary. Shall we just say they have clearly suffered from being in the box for the delivery process. Every time I walk past one more has died and I have to surreptitiously pluck it out and bin it. I have thought about asking him if it's a metaphor but I don't want to upset him. It would have been much better - and cheaper - if he had just nipped to Sainsburys for some flowers but he was obviously trying to do something a bit special, bless him.

@BalloonSlayer….you are not alone, I love feathery stroking too 😊.

My First DH was in a band which was eventually quite successful but in the early days were playing around pubs and clubs. I was usually there because I was the ‘Tour Manager’ and would mostly be sitting by myself during their set.

They used to do a good cover of Humble Pie’s song Natural Born Bugie (aka Natural Born Woman) and DH would always point me out and dedicate it to me. I used to dread it and cringe inside…..but I also used to love that he did it, especially if there were girls eyeing him up cos he was rather good looking 😊😂

Just thought of another!
Apparently washing his hands when on loud speaker to his DM is romantic?! She rings up and goes on and on and like a dutiful DS, he listens. He gets bored, gets up to scrub his hands (they were filthy) and takes his phone obviously. I follow and get the nail brush out and give them a good going over. When the call ends, he went all soppy, it was the most romantic thing I'd ever done! Me - I was bored too mate and just wanted something to do!.

Anything that requires talking, or moving, as soon as the alarm clock goes off. Unless I've been awake for at least 10 min already, NO.

My brain usually goes into superactive mode internally, but blocks any peripherals (both input and output).

So, no kissing, no loving chat. Maybe a quick good morning and quick kiss. THAT IS IT.

@KurtWilde, dear God!

I like sex, I don't like crap sex. I have mostly had crap sex and any effort to make it more loving/last longer is unwelcome.

Ahhh so happy to be amongst my fellow un-romantics!

Someone posted a “romantic bathroom scene” on FB the other day. My immediate thoughts were:
A) there’s no way me and XXL sized DH would fit it the tub (even if we wanted to)
B) I do not want rose petals up my crevices
C) who’s going to clean up afterwards???

Maybe I’ve been married too long but to me currently the height of romance is DH telling me he’s hung out my laundry for me.

Red Roses - especially on Valentine's Day. They are out of season so wilt quickly and are a total cliche that say 'I've got you a generic thing that I've put no thought into whatsoever.' Plus they cost a bomb.

My DH bought me a bunch of daffs instead last Valentine's Day and I was delighted.

Arranged to meet an ex to break up with him. When I got there, he said he had a surprise to show me - he'd had my name tattooed on his arm the muppet. That was awkward.

Oh my people! Yes to 99% of these! I am surrounded by women who absolutely LOVE all this stuff though including the utterly cringey social media posts so clearly there are people who find it romantic.

DSis's husband hates it all but does it anyway because he knows she loves it and it makes her so happy which I think is sweet. My DH was very worried I expected similar and was quite relieved when I told him that I'd block him if he started writing romantic posts to me on social media.

I came on to say sharing a bath as well 😂😂

Booboobadoo - omg, you've nailed it.
I really want you to have an O while I do xxxx etc. Fuck off.

Sharing a bath! What the fucking hell is that about?

I’m a short chunky monkey and his a lanky giraffe watching us trying to fit into a bath is like watching hippos trying to break out the zoo. Also I’d rather bath myself in dog shit then bath in his toe jam, no thanks.

My ex once decided to have sex by lifting me up onto him and walking across the room to put me on the window sill .
He thought my clinging on to him was a sign of lust but if I was going out the third floor window I was making sure he'd be coming with me.

Brilliant thread!

Uni, many decades ago... A few of us dated the same guy, not at the same time of course! Comparing notes months later it turns out he had used the same cheesy line on us all. It was something along the lines of 'let me look into your eyes and love you forever'.

CRINGE!!! 🤢

An ex I used to live with thought bringing a McDonalds home with him after a night shift, waking me up at 5am with said McDonalds and wanting to eat it in bed with me was romantic.

No. Get your greasy smelly food out of the bedroom so I can go back to sleep!

He seemed to get the idea from his sister who’s husband did the same thing and she loved it. He sulked for ages afterwards 😂

I once dated someone who would gaze adoringly into my eyes while biting his bottom lip - like someone out of an 80s boyband or something Bad enough when a teenage boy does it. Completely unacceptable when it's a tubby, balding fella in his 40s.