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Original poster

What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

880 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 29/04/2021 10:59

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

OP posts:
Lweji · 29/04/2021 15:12

so where does the idea that any of these things are romantic arise from?

Movies made by men? Maybe?

harknesswitch · 29/04/2021 15:15

Massages, it all starts off good and nice, then he gets a boner and all I want to do is sleep, except I can't as I'm covered in baby oil and I'll ruin the sheets Grin then I have to wash my hair as I've got baby oil in that too

Public proposals - cringe

Tambora · 29/04/2021 15:16

Valentine's Day flowers sent to the office can cause all sorts of problems. A couple of years ago someone at work received two - yes, two bunches of flowers, neither labelled with the sender's name.

Trouble was, she didn't know which bunch to take home to DH, as she didn't know which bunch he'd sent, and which were from the guy she was having an affair with. Nor did she know whether her DH suspected something and had sent two bunches to catch her out. So should she take one bunch home or both? Both, and he hadn't sent the second one, he might put two and two together. If only one, it might be the wrong one, or he was expecting her to bring both home and only taking one would make it look like she though they were from someone else. She tried contacting her bf to check but couldn't get hold of him.

Whoops! I don't know what she did in the end, I went home and left her to it.

Thelnebriati · 29/04/2021 15:18

Aaarghh I've just had flashbacks to the 2 foot tall squashy Valentines card in a box. It had bears on it. Or rabbits. Or both, I didn't look closely enough to tell. One of my workmates got it out and it played a fucking tune.
It caused a split in the office with half saying it was luvly and I was a horrible person, and half thinking how awful to get that at work.

StevieNix · 29/04/2021 15:19

Agree with sharing a bath- unless your loaded and have a huge huge bath tub then just no.

JudgeJ · 29/04/2021 15:21

@BashfulClam

The worst public proposal I witnessed was in Asda. Asda of all fucking places, he asked for it to be announced an the tannoy! You couldn’t get less romantic if you bloody tried. I had an ex who used to say ‘you’re a princess and should be treated like one!’ Aye obviously Princess Diana since he was still shagging his ex!
Allegedly Diana's former husband, when he was in the Navy, would sidle up to a girl at the inevitable shore party, put his arm round her waist an say How about being Queen for the night! I emphasise, allegedly!
Pet8 · 29/04/2021 15:23

@RestlessMillennial

Public marriage proposals. Coercive and narcissistic!
I agree. Yuck!
BrightYellowDaffodil · 29/04/2021 15:23

so where does the idea that any of these things are romantic arise from?

Marketing departments.

PlumKetchup · 29/04/2021 15:25

Baby talk in silly voices.
'Snookums' type nicknames for each other.
Being pawed at in public.

No.

Cattenberg · 29/04/2021 15:28

Yes to pet names.

Schmoopie weally wuvs Cugglekins. You used to see a whole page of adverts like this in our local paper on Valentine’s Day.

My friend once saw a public proposal on an EasyJet flight. A young guy walked up to the front of the plane and stood facing everyone. He was holding a single rose and a cuddly toy.

He said, in a loud, wobbly voice, “Laura, will you marry me?”. Laura paused and said...................
“No.” Blush Blush Blush

ForeverAintEnough12 · 29/04/2021 15:28

@Nesski

Kissing in the rain. F you Notebook!
@Nesski This reminds me of an early date with now DH! We were walking home - it started raining, he stopped walking and pulled me to the side of the road, both of us under his umbrella. I was thinking oh how romantic to be kissing in the rain .... when he took out his phone to consult his rainfall radar app. 😂😂 glad to hear it’s not all it’s cracked up to be!
MedusasBadHairDay · 29/04/2021 15:31

@PlumKetchup

Baby talk in silly voices. 'Snookums' type nicknames for each other. Being pawed at in public.

No.

Talking about cutesy nicknames, I once knew a couple where the DW had a cutesy nickname for her DHs penis, and would refer to it in public.
ExJasper · 29/04/2021 15:40

Oh god, this thread has revived some memories I'd rather not have had revived!

I once came home from work to find a little metal plaque on my bed saying "and all because the lady loves ..." and underneath my pillow there was a box of milk tray.

The bloke who'd left them was a friend of my housemate's boyfriend and I was furious that they'd let him into my bedroom. I did eat the milk tray though.

And then there was the one who would insist on helping me to dress. I mean, I know I'm slow and my eyes are shit (and I'm fat so my stomach gets in the way) but I really did not find it romantic having him doing my shoe buckles up. I wanted to kick him out of the way.

I've had poems read to me as well. I appreciate that some effort has gone in to these but really? What are you supposed to do or say when they've finished reading? "That was nice, thanks" seems a bit inadequate.

CleverCatty · 29/04/2021 15:42

@Mwnci123

Agree with lots of these, though I like breakfast in bed and a shag in the shower.

Hard agree on "romantic" gestures with a clear shagging agenda.

Least favourite of all is having underwear bought as a gift. It's not comfortable, it's not to my taste, I already have plenty of pants, it's very obviously for his enjoyment and yet here I am politely saying thank you.
He is otherwise an excellent gift giver- donuts and the latest Private Eye when he's done the shopping. Ideal.

The underwear - it depends - I've never had boyfriends or my ex-DH buy me nice underwear unless its to their taste...

but my ex-DH once bought me a gorgeous cream and black basque and matching knickers from Agent Provocateur and matching stocking which was surprisingly comfy, the right size and made me feel like Dita Von Teese Grin I was loads younger and slimmer though!

I recall hearing a male friend of ours bought his newish GF who was the DSis of a SO of my best friend then, La Perla underwear as a random treat - she was impressed and was approx 6 months after dating - we were all suitably impressed in our 20s at that! Smile

lachy · 29/04/2021 15:48

DH has just come back from a bike ride and bought me a lack of scampi fries.

That's romance!

CleverCatty · 29/04/2021 15:48

Oh god - I recall this happening when I was 18 or so with a guy I was dating. Went to his place for a BBQ - everything going well and until the weather suddenly starts with a summer shower, so we go back into the house and he suddenly picks me up and carries me down to the summer house at the end of the garden - in the pouring rain - where he'd set up a bottle of champagne, rose petals on the table (why??!!), some posh Belgian chocs and a soft sort of love seat chair there too where he proceeded to kiss me... cringe. Everyone was staring at us as he carried me there and I felt so embarrassed and uncomfortable all the looks and nudges and giggles when we came out and no, we didn't last... He was a singer too, semi professional at the time.

lachy · 29/04/2021 15:48

*pack

(although I am now lacking them as I wolfed them down)

theleafandnotthetree · 29/04/2021 15:56

@CleverCatty

Oh god - I recall this happening when I was 18 or so with a guy I was dating. Went to his place for a BBQ - everything going well and until the weather suddenly starts with a summer shower, so we go back into the house and he suddenly picks me up and carries me down to the summer house at the end of the garden - in the pouring rain - where he'd set up a bottle of champagne, rose petals on the table (why??!!), some posh Belgian chocs and a soft sort of love seat chair there too where he proceeded to kiss me... cringe. Everyone was staring at us as he carried me there and I felt so embarrassed and uncomfortable all the looks and nudges and giggles when we came out and no, we didn't last... He was a singer too, semi professional at the time.
Oh my God this story was bad enough until I realised other people were witnessing the sheer hideousness of it.

As an aside, I think in movies this sort of thing inevitably looks and feels not too awful because the soundtrack gives the cue to how you're supposed to feel about it. In reality in this kind of scenario, the only soundtrack is likely to be other people saying WTF, Bob in Number 5 mowing his lawn and a random child at the background announcing they've done a poo. Grim.

knackeredcat · 29/04/2021 15:56

It's more romantic when he brings back something I'd had a random notion for. I'd mentioned Munchies in passing a couple of days ago and he bought me a bag. A couple of weeks ago it was Harrogate Blue. Shows he listens to me. Smile

Whatwouldscullydo · 29/04/2021 16:02

Massages, it all starts off good and nice, then he gets a boner and all I want to do is sleep, except I can't as I'm covered in baby oil and I'll ruin the sheetsthen I have to wash my hair as I've got baby oil in that too

Oh god I hate massages. Your all.oily it's every where, it burns when you have sex as a result, all the fart noises from the oil as you both get covered in it too so you are in hysterics anyway and it totally kills it.

I also used to have boy friend when I was younger too wgod pull over into a layby fir a snog. It was horrible. His tongue took up all my mouth I couldn't get out as I was trapped in the car and I hated it absolutely hated it but I was only 16 and he was 26 and I figured that's what adults did. I had to get my mum to dump him

Francescaisstressed · 29/04/2021 16:03

Sharing a bath or shower
Turning up unexpectedly at work expecting you to drop everything

ghostyslovesheets · 29/04/2021 16:03

Jealousy - my absolute biggest turn off - I know some people thinks it's romantic if a man/woman is jealous of your mates/ex/mum etc but I have never ever been jealous in my life and I hate feeling like I have to face an inquisition every time I am out without them.

I once had a relationship end because I wasn't jealous enough - apparently it showed I didn;t care!

EpicDay · 29/04/2021 16:10

Oh my god I am loving this thread. Laughing so hard at "looking into the eyes of a dog doing a poo". I never knew there were so many people like me. We don't "do" romance in this house and that's the way I like it. I grew up in a family where my stepfather used to write endless flowery love letters to my mum - and then buggered off with a 21 year-old. So I'd rather take the daily respect and kindness than the flowers and cards.

CherryCherries · 29/04/2021 16:11

I went out with a creepy guy who used to write little love notes nearly everyday. Sounds sweet in theory but it became creepy and in the end I didn't read them because it was the same old trite each time. Don't get me wrong, I love some nice thoughtful words in a card every now and then but those notes were just too much and highlighted his possessiveness.

He also thought it was wonderful that he knew what size all your tops/underwear/dresses etc were. It was just creepy!

ArabellaScott · 29/04/2021 16:11

Halfway through; this thread is the best thing I've read in months. Brilliant.

I did once complain to my DP, many years ago, that he never did anything romantic. So the next Valentine's day he did, the full flowers-cooking-dinner-fancy-card-candles. It was cheesy as hell and excruciatingly embarrassing. We spent dinner looking at each other in sheepish horror, got blind drunk to get over the cringe, and, readers, to this day we have never mentioned the R word in each other's presence again.