What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

@PussGirl, that made me cry laughing. I knew someone like this. Everything was a countdown, then they got a divorce and it was, its been 3 months, 6 months , 2 years since the divorce. FFS! Move on, already !!

This thread needs to go in Classics immediately.

Agree with pretty much everything said so far.

One ex, when I was 17, shushed everyone at a house party so he could announce he was playing a song he'd written about me, and loudly dedicated it to "my love for Espirito". I cringed so hard I'm amazed I could ever stand upright again. He then proceeded to put some of the host's left over chilli con carne in a plastic bag 🤮to eat whilst walking me home. He didn't get the chance. I dumped him on the spot. He was fit as fuck, but I couldn't be doing with that nonsense.

Also what is with the notion that all women require hours of cuddling after sex and that's the romantic ideal? When I come I'm done. Gerrof and roll over please pet, because it's time for kip.

Flowers/balloons etc delivered to your workplace. Why would anyone want that? As well as the cringe factor it means you have to leave what you're doing to collect them from reception, find somewhere to store them (particularly difficult if it's flowers) then lug them home. As well as the flowers I've witnessed people being sent huge bunches of balloons and cuddly toys (both on one occasion).

Paris.

Why do people put all those " loving " messages on Facebook, you are sitting next to each other on the sofa?

I can‘t watch anyone’s first dance! I find it excruciating!

^^
Absolutely! Especially if they have rehearsed it!

@JaneJeffer

Spooning in bed. Stop breathing in my ear and fuck off to your own side.

This^^ I cannot sleep with any part of anyone’s anatomy anywhere near me unless you’re aged 3 or under.

Kissing in the rain. F you Notebook!

Absolutely agree with no feeding each other. Absolutely no one puts food in my mouth. I couldn’t even stand it when my kids wanted to do this as toddlers. Just no.

@CaMePlaitPas

My thoughts exactly. I hate sand, not overly fond of beaches more generally

I once had a mixed from a guy recording himself singing and when he gave it me. He asked me to open it straight away so he could then listen to it in his car with me...I had no ride home so had no choice...it was so cringe especially as he kept checking of I was enjoying it. I wasn't but tried my best to pretend as I didn't want to offend and needed to get home. My home was about a 40min drive away to!

Yes they were quite bull headed about pursuing their fluttery flute birth. I sort of imagine her yelling and swearing and him soldiering on with a John Legend tune

I'd gone with Jethro Tull.

A fixed tape I should of said

That song 'The lady in red' 🤢

Mixed!

@MedusasBadHairDay

Can I add dancing together? I don't mean in situations where both people can actually dance, that I imagine is quite enjoyable, but I had one ex whose dancing consisted of gyrating against me like a randy dog.

That's me done for the day 😁😁😁

@justasking111

Sex in the shower unless you have multiple heads, no thanks, shared baths are for talking and relaxing, ditto a massage. Romantic dinners are lovely but let me sleep and snore afterwards.

OH does now and again bring me a bunch of flowers, daffodils in the spring, sweet william because they smell nice. That is thoughtful of him I like that. He knows I like flowers though I treat myself to a bunch now and again.

🤣🤣I had a vision there for a minute of you with 2 heads😯

When I was online dating I had a guy like two messages in say "how would you like it if I came over and flew you off to New York and then run you a bath with candles and rose petals while I softly rub your back"?

Um, not much to be honest chuck. Better luck with the next burd

@SquatBetty

Your DH to be asking your parents (or even worse - just your Dad) for their permission/ blessing to allow him to ask you to marry him. That's not romantic - that's the patriarchy in action.

DH, when still DP, was very very clear that a proposal that came via my dad was an automatic NO from me.

Agree with many off these

Sharing a bath...the bath is the one time u get to relax by myself I Don't want to scrunch up and share.

Flowers. Great now I have to find a vase and watch them die and pretend to be grateful. No thanks.

Cuddling in bed. It's too hot I don't want to make small talk while your skin sticks to mine. Either roll over or go and sleep on the sofa.

Sex in the shower. One person always gets cold.

Hand holding. I'm not a lamppost I don't need metaphorically pissing up against plus its just selfish cos we take up to much space on the path others may need to pass.

Manhandling. Just leave me alone..I'm.not a dog I dont want stroking have you heard of personal space.

Gazing..do I have food on my face? Is jy hair OK? How am i supposed to react to this . Stop staring its rude.

Valentines day cards. No you can't be a dick.all year round then give me a card ajd expect me to be happy you did something nice. Its a bit of card that goes onto the recycling bin and congrats you can write your name like any other 5 year old its no big deal. I'd rather you hoovered.

I dont dance either.

@Christinayangtwistedsister

Why do people put all those " loving " messages on Facebook, you are sitting next to each other on the sofa?

I wonder that too. I'm on a local Facebook page where one couple tag one another, and get into discussion, in comments.

Do they not talk to one another!

@Yorkshireteaalwayswins

I was just about to say sharing a bath! Unless you have a massive tub, its just cramped and uncomfortable

The one saving grace of our previous house was its massive corner bath, say no more! Glad there isn't one here though, we're on a water meter.

@Wabe

I agree with literally every single one of these, but then again, so does every woman I know -- so where does the idea that any of these things are romantic arise from?

Richard Gere/Julia Roberts have a lot to answer for re baths!

You are my people.

Valentine’s Day. Crock of shit.
Proposing on the recipient’s birthday or NYE, Xmas day, etc. Why do you need an ‘occasion’ day to propose?

Had an interesting convo with someone who’s a relationship therapist about what ‘romance’ means. Ultimately it’s really about showing the other person you are thinking of them, care about them, etc. And as PPs have pointed out ‘big gestures’ are usually not about that, but about the performance of romance.

My husband is having to have a sit down and a cup of tea now while he calms down after dashing in from the garden because he thought I was crying hysterically.

I was. With laughter at this thread!

I couldn't breathe to get the words out to tell him that nothing awful had happened!