What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

I think some of these are partly how often they do them. A once off may be romantic if you like that kind of thing but if it's often it's really just overkill or a performance.

Personally It's not one specific thing I don't find romantic it's when I'm told how romantic something is.

I somehow survived a few months with a total tosser who was full of grand romantic gestures, as long as they didn't cost him anything.

One of his favourites was suddenly speaking in "French," as though this was just romantic by default. Except I couldn't understand a word of it, because it was total gibberish. I never had the heart to tell him I have a degree in French 🤣

Another thing he used to do was when we were out with other people, he'd suddenly seize my hand and raise it to his lips in silence, staring into my eyes with a super-intense gaze.

What's weird is that I wanted to vomit whenever he did these things, and he wasn't a very nice person, yet I still persuaded myself to stick with the relationship for some time!!!!!!!!!!!! 🤐

Sharing a bath
Venice (full of pigeons and smells bad)
I’ve never enjoyed receiving flowers, why do people display their affection for each other with decaying plant matter?

Effing breakfast in bed.

Hated Paris went on a school trip dirty overpriced crowded,

Sex on the beach. Just plain dangerous!

@Zalto

Requests on the radio, especially when the presenter reads them out in a very serious voice.

I’m looking at you, Steve Wright.

“Our next letter is from Fernando in Fulchester who wants us to know how much his wife, Espadrille, means to him. Espadrille, Fernando can’t believe that you’ve been married for 36 years now. Apart from your shared love of caravanning and ferrets, you also share three wonderful children who are all delighted to be with you on your special day.
Fernando tells us that you’ve had your ups and downs, but you’ve made it through with lots of love and laughter.
Espadrille, the next song is for you, from Fernando...”

fades to Caravan of Love

laughed so hard at that DH came in from the office to see what was happening

I have to post here if only so I can come back to it later.

Sharing a bath definite no. Massage, God no.
Don’t like having flowers.
The more public a proposal/grand romantic gesture is the less time the relationship will survive IMO.

This thread has really brightened my morning, funny comments and knowing I’m not a stone cold unromantic cringer all alone

Public, long gushing declarations of love for partner's birthday on Instagram.
Then the partner responds with something just as long.
Talk about a performance! Are they sitting next to each other in the same room when they're writing this drivel?

Oh all of these! Also, surprise overnight trips. Erm, did it not occur to you that I might want to input on where we go, might want to have all my toiletries and nice clothes, might have plans??

Paris 🤮

my theory is that (this may be terribly sexist so forgive me if you think so) most men just are not naturally romantic full stop.

Assuming most are not romantic you then boil it down to

• those who can be arsed to try to be romantic; and
• those who really cannot be arsed at all (in which case you might get a bit of an effort at the start of the relationship but it is short lived...)

out of the first above category i think they all get their "ideas" of what is romantic from either seeing something similar elsewhere or which happened in past relationships but that is no telling as to whether it is indeed romantic nor whether they can carry it off.
and then you just get those who somehow decide that their own unique sexual fantasy is what in fact counts as "romantic"....

@BettysCardigan

I love the flute thing: what did he think that was going to add to the experience?!

They had this idea that birth was going to be a fluttery romantic picnic. She had written a poem citing her wishes and he had packed his flute 🎶

@Embracingthechaos

I wouldn't want my husband to wash my hair. Not because I'd find it degrading or creepy, but just because I am certain he wouldn't do it right. I have a lot of hair and it's curly, so it takes an experienced person to handle it and I can only wash it once in a week so if he stuffed it up I'd be stuck with it for ages (the other curly haired women reading this will know what I'm talking about)

No romance involved, I'd been injured and couldn't wash my long, wavy hair for 15 months. It was dreadful - DH never once did an adequate job or avoid blinding me or rinse it out properly.

As I later discovered, his combing skills left me with a couple of dreadlocks on the underside of my hair.

He complained very time I suggested we should just cut my hair for convenience. I should have just done it because it was unsalvageable.

@lurkingfromhome

I agree with every single one of these. Urgh, they're all total cringe.

Proper romance is getting an unexpected cup of tea brought to you, or a surprise jam doughnut/nice bar of chocolate brought home from the shops, IMHO.

Totally agree with you.

My DH works in a small local hospital once a week and sometimes brings me a pork pie from the local butchers if he can. It's the "sometimes" that makes it special because I know he's put the effort in and thought about it rather than it becoming a weekly routine. Also, he's not fussed for a pork pie so he really does go out of his way to pick me one up!

And that is romance after 25 years

@35andThriving

Sharing a bath.

sharing a shower - when I've done it a few times either means I've slipped over - did this once and bashed my head on the shower screen door! or means you both get one half of the jet of shower water but one of you gets less so you get cold!

@Alcemeg was he called Joey Tribbiani?

And people say that episode is when Friends jumped the shark as that would never happen!

Ah @ForwardRanger it's all flutes and poetry until someone's perineum needs stitching

@AgathaAllAlong

Oh all of these! Also, surprise overnight trips. Erm, did it not occur to you that I might want to input on where we go, might want to have all my toiletries and nice clothes, might have plans??

ahahaha! when i was married my DH used to do these but after a while got used to what I packed so on the whole he used to pack the perfect small travel case with me and on the whole got everything right - one time he mistook my hair removal cream for my special toothpaste

luckily I just borrowed his toothpaste.

Bonking for hours. Just get the fuck on with it, I'm bored now and want to go to sleep. And I don't want to be sore tomorrow

My ex used to write me poetry. The first few were nice, but then it all got a bit tedious. It stopped eventually, and then he started writing them to someone else. Thank fuck
There were others, the ones that give flowers, the the PDA enthusiasts, the constant hand holders, the smugglers.
I need space, alone time, and a good row

@OnlyInYourDreams

I have to post here if only so I can come back to it later.

Sharing a bath definite no. Massage, God no.
Don’t like having flowers.
The more public a proposal/grand romantic gesture is the less time the relationship will survive IMO.

OMG yes re public proposals and romantic gestures. cringe

I was proposed to on yes a gondola in Venice - lovely but I was worried about getting sunburned, I was on a heavy period at the time and worried it would show throw my stupid white long dress I was wearing and just felt shit on that day! He must've known I was on my period as I wore pads!

@PopperUppleton

Bonking for hours. Just get the fuck on with it, I'm bored now and want to go to sleep. And I don't want to be sore tomorrow

You mean bonking for hours where he's impressed he can't come??!! and witholds it? Kundalini or some such shit?

I always was the same - hurry up so I can get to sleep... I didn't want hours long Tantric sex like Sting and Trudy Styler have

Kissing I hate it. I can't stand having something up in my face like that. It never feels good, so I'm acutely conscious of the wet, hot bleurgh of it all. It's one step away from just licking someone's face, I don't get the appeal.
It's not partner's technique either - I've kissed quite a few chaps, and its always been awful.