What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

My STBXH used to hold my arm at the elbow & wrist to help me down steps if we were out, and sometimes if we were crossing the road. all the while looking into my eyes with a soppy look on his face

It was in case I fell over, apparently, what with me being clumsy & all (I'm not in the slightest bit clumsy)

It was fucking horrendous & made me feel like a doddery geriatric

Current DP does it occasionally to wind me up

@BettysCardigan

I love the flute thing: what did he think that was going to add to the experience?!

Shakespeare, perhaps:

And others, when the bagpipe sings i' the nose, cannot contain their urine.

Sharing a bath
Being fed is a complete cringe. I'm perfectly capable of feeding myself and have been since I was 2
Cuddling naked. It's alright to start with and it's a good lead up to sex but afterwards it's just sticky and uncomfortable. I can only manage to cuddle for around 10 minutes before I want them to fuck off to their own side of the bed.
Sex that's only for my pleasure and it goes on and on and on..no thanks

Twee toe-curlingly soppy poems read out by either bride or groom (or worst of all, both) during their wedding ceremony.

I like feathery stroking but I think I am the only woman in the universe who does.

DH ordered me some roses to be delivered for our anniversary. Shall we just say they have clearly suffered from being in the box for the delivery process. Every time I walk past one more has died and I have to surreptitiously pluck it out and bin it. I have thought about asking him if it's a metaphor but I don't want to upset him. It would have been much better - and cheaper - if he had just nipped to Sainsburys for some flowers but he was obviously trying to do something a bit special, bless him.

@DinosaurDiana

Fingering by my first boyfriend when I was a teenager. It really did nothing for me.

I'm not sure you would classify that as a romantic gesture Dinosaur, but yes eeewwww yuk yuk yuk

I agree with literally every single one of these, but then again, so does every woman I know -- so where does the idea that any of these things are romantic arise from?

I went on a second-date-dinner once where he bought me a rose from some bloke with a bucket of them in the restaurant then tried to keep holding my hand over the table.

Next!

These are great!

Definitely the falling asleep in each other's arms one...

I had an ex who liked to do this but her arm always seemed to crook at the elbow so that her hand was dangling over my head...and then when she drifted off and she used to do that 'jolt' thing and it was like The Claw from Toy Story descending upon me. Really not helpful for trying to fall asleep.

Requests on the radio, especially when the presenter reads them out in a very serious voice.

I’m looking at you, Steve Wright.

“Our next letter is from Fernando in Fulchester who wants us to know how much his wife, Espadrille, means to him. Espadrille, Fernando can’t believe that you’ve been married for 36 years now. Apart from your shared love of caravanning and ferrets, you also share three wonderful children who are all delighted to be with you on your special day.
Fernando tells us that you’ve had your ups and downs, but you’ve made it through with lots of love and laughter.
Espadrille, the next song is for you, from Fernando...”

fades to Caravan of Love

ditto Mycatismadeofstringcheese on the flotation pool - any tiny cut feels like it is on fire. My mum has psoriasis and was told it would help but poor thing she couldn't bear even a minute in it. And you keep colliding with the other people in the pool like glacial dodgems.

I haven't RTFT but I second public proposals but raise you public proposals in the form of a flash mob involving friends and family.

Also flash mob style wedding song and dances where everyone joins in down the aisle.

Note to engaged couples - very very few of your loved ones can dance, far less hold a tune in a bucket.

Any kind of surprise. I need to know what to take, what to wear, who is having the dog, etc. Being whisked away would completely stress me out!

Sex in the shower. It's basically taking turns to be cold. We tried it on holiday once and DH slipped and took us both out, it was a disaster

Rose petals on the bed - it stains!

Sharing a bath/shower.

@CruCru

Sex in “difficult” places - in water, standing up, on a beach, in front of an open fire. No. Beds exist for good, sensible reasons.

Wanting to hold hands a lot. In particular not letting go when it’s clear that the other person has had enough.

I used to go out with someone who would go on about how much he didn’t fancy other women. That was just strange and creepy.

He would take me to the train (okay) and then bloody run after it as it set off. I was meant to wave madly and find it romantic. Ugh

My ex did the train thing too! Always made me cringe as it was usually the last train of the night (packed). I'm cringing like mad

rampant snagging

@35andThriving

Sharing a bath.

My PILs call this 'sitting froggy-legged'. Somehow I always used to end up at the tap end - totally rubbish!

@Amdone123

I used to work in a school and every year 1 of the teaching assistants would get a massive bouquet on Valentine's Day, sent to school.

She used to look smug about it, but everyone else just thought it so pretentious. They lived together so why send them to a workplace?

I agree about the cups of tea. My OH brings me one most mornings ; it's so nice.

I remember a woman I worked with, parading the office floor, one Valentines Day, with the roses her husband had left in the car for her. Why, why leave them in the car?

She thought it was sweet, I presume. The rest of us, not so much.

I feel profoundly meh about the receipt of flowers. I mean, they're OK once in a while, but they just die. I'd rather have an actual plant.

Most textbook "romantic" gestures really mean "I think you're hot but have no idea who you really are". The most genuinely romantic things my DH have done for me would mean nothing to anyone else. Stuff like, "I chose this flavour of ice cream during the weekly shop at Aldi because I know it's you're favourite" or "I cleaned the kitchen bin because I knew it was bothering you".

The allegedly romantic gesture that most makes me want to scream like a howler monkey is when husbands buy hugely expensive presents like diamonds or a car for their wife as a surprise with what is effectively joint money. "You spent HOW much of OUR money on something we hadn't even agreed we needed?!??!" Especially if they have agreed to tighten their belts lately or are saving up for a deposit/special holiday/whatever. I would CRY if my husband did that, and NOT in the good way.

I detest romantic songs, novels and films, so any partner foisting these on me has clearly not been paying attention. I’d rather watch Terminator and listen to Rammstein.

I do love flowers though. Anyone is welcome to give me flowers any time. And good wine.

This thread is total comedy gold. I'm loving every post

I wouldn't want my husband to wash my hair. Not because I'd find it degrading or creepy, but just because I am certain he wouldn't do it right. I have a lot of hair and it's curly, so it takes an experienced person to handle it and I can only wash it once in a week so if he stuffed it up I'd be stuck with it for ages (the other curly haired women reading this will know what I'm talking about)

@Zalto

Requests on the radio, especially when the presenter reads them out in a very serious voice.

I’m looking at you, Steve Wright.

“Our next letter is from Fernando in Fulchester who wants us to know how much his wife, Espadrille, means to him. Espadrille, Fernando can’t believe that you’ve been married for 36 years now. Apart from your shared love of caravanning and ferrets, you also share three wonderful children who are all delighted to be with you on your special day.
Fernando tells us that you’ve had your ups and downs, but you’ve made it through with lots of love and laughter.
Espadrille, the next song is for you, from Fernando...”

fades to Caravan of Love

You have won the Internet

Oh my word, pre-covid DP and I were in a big public park, absolutely packed in the summer. A couple were sitting under a tree and he was playing his guitar, serenading her 😑 the second hand embarrassment I felt has never been surpassed.

I was on a plane on Valentine’s Day a couple of years ago and a woman proposed to her boyfriend. I shrivelled into my seat.

I have a guitar-playing songwriting husband. Fortunately, he is one of the least romantic people I know.

Being greeted at the train station with flowers. I had a boyfriend that tried that. Lovely for about 8 seconds then I had to carry the increasingly knackered and wilting bunch of vegetation around with me for the next 3 hours. Think it through man!

And looking up from what I am doing and finding him gazing “lovingly” at me and trying to hold my rapt gaze. It’s much the same as when I accidentally catch the cat’s eye when she is crapping in the litter tray.

And if you want a shag and think fizzy wine is the route up my dress, at least splash out for something decent. I slosh down cheap Prosecco when I’m slumped in front of the telly in my dressing gown and it makes me belch. Is that really going to the prelude to a long night of passion?