What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

@BettysCardigan

Ah *@ForwardRanger* it's all flutes and poetry until someone's perineum needs stitching

Yes they were quite bull headed about pursuing their fluttery flute birth. I sort of imagine her yelling and swearing and him soldiering on with a John Legend tune

So I had an ex who used to send me lilies at work with messages like "there are eleven flowers and the twelfth is you" at the same time as he would be unable to put money in the housekeeping. Prick.

This www.google.com/amp/s/www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/heartbroken-man-starts-playing-piano-450378.amp
Eeewwww
DP plays piano and said he would serenade me. Later on in a different convo I said I hate the song Wonderwall by Oasis. Apparently that's the serenade special so it's never happened

Another man split up with a friend of mine then told me he loved me in a club. I said I wasn't interested . He said it was a one time offer and my only chance. Erm still no, creepy weirdo

Any kind of spa day. Sitting in a jaccuzi filled with other peoples' microbes, inhaling the romantic tang of chlorine while listening to the parent and baby swim class taking place 5 metres away. Then having lunch in a scratchy dressing gown. And paying £100+ for the privelidge.

I can eat in my dressing gown at home, and my bath is clean and definitely a solo space.

Just do the dishes, walk the dog and buy DS some new socks, please. That would be more appealing.

I have often thought that those who are best at romantic gestures often just 'walk the walk' and don't talk the talk. Call me cynical.

And what can seem very romantic in the moment may not seem to with hindsight or if done on 'repeat'

You mean bonking for hours where he's impressed he can't come??!! and witholds it? Kundalini or some such shit?

I looked this up too. 4mins max say women. Anything longer is tedious. Gotta improve his technique 🤔
I actually forwarded a partner an article about how to be great in bed. He was a bit miffed but early he read and absorbed the advice!

Ugh, being sung to is so cringey. An ex used to do that and I never knew where to put myself.

Another ex, I'd be sitting there talking and he'd interrupt sometimes with 'Oh, I love you I love you I love you...' or I'd just notice in mid-sentence he was gazing at me with a mawkish expression and when I stopped talking he'd say 'I love you' apropos of nothing... and this used to happen a LOT... if it had happened once or maybe even twice I'd probably have found it romantic, but this was way too frequent and just irritating tbh (especially as I find it really distracting to be interrupted when I'm talking). He was an older man too, behaving in a very teenagerish way. I sound like a cow saying this, and before it happened I'd have thought I'd love that level of adulation, but when it happened I just found it irksome.

Also, those massive padded Valentine cards that were around in the 80s. Those were so horrendous I could almost make my peace at never getting Valentines as a teen, simply because I didn't have to be embarrassed by one of those cards. Ditto all that Andrew Brownsword crap people used to buy back then to be 'romantic'.

However, I do really love flowers, non-cringey greeting cards and being taken for weekends away, so I suppose I'm being a tad hypocritical here.

I've read about the first 5 pages of posts and haven't found a single one I disagree with so far, this is my favourite:

One of his favourites was suddenly speaking in "French," as though this was just romantic by default. Except I couldn't understand a word of it, because it was total gibberish. I never had the heart to tell him I have a degree in French

Just brilliant - how did you not tell him or laugh hysterically?!

I'm with you on shared showers and baths. Just no.

Also surprise trips, or concerts, or whatever. Unless I've been saying I'd love to for ages, and you know I'm free then.

The whole eyes closed to see a surprise, being led by someone else. There's no need for that.

Buying lingerie. Unless you're buying it for yourself to give me a striptease, then better not. The size will probably be wrong anyway.

Valentine's day in general. Too many hearts and flowers. Crowded places. I'd rather go out another day.
I'm up for the chocolate, though. That is ALWAYS romantic. Unless it's Ferrero Rocher crap

Oh, romantic messages through FB. Never had any, but I told DP from very early on that I found them cringe.

The most romantic thing my DH can do for me is bring me back a Portuguese tart from the Co-op!

[quote BalloonSlayer]@Alcemeg was he called Joey Tribbiani?

And people say that episode is when Friends jumped the shark as that would never happen! [/quote]
That's all I could think of too, Joey's attempts at speaking French.
Or Del Boy who liked to throw around a few phrases also.

showers/baths together, i HATE it... much rather have one run for me, left the fuck alone to enjoy it, then dinner/wine for when i get out!!

I like having the back of my hand kissed. My last squeeze used to link his fingers with mine to hold my hand, then when we were sat in the pub having a drink/chatting, would randomly lift my hand to kiss the back and smile at me.. melted me every time.

I hate public gestures, not keen on love letters, but i have a few cards i was given with very meaningful messages in that i kept.

No food related sex.. just yuck. No eye gazing during it either, unless its part of a kink thing where he's demanding it, then its hot, but still not romantic.

Love breakfast in bed, but my proviso is they bring a cuppa/coffee first to wake you up, so you can wake up/nip to the loo before food arrives.

He said it was a one time offer and my only chance.
Ugh. What a prince.

@MaryLennoxsScowl

Going out for dinner supposed to be followed by sex at home - if I’ve just had a 3-course meal with a bottle of wine you’ll be lucky if I don’t fall asleep on the bus home and anyway, last time I feel sexy is when stuffed full!

Oh this! I came on to say this!

I said to dh early on, take me out for dinner. Let's have glorious sex, but they do NOT go together

(but I love flowers. Any flowers, any time, from anyone, bloody love them)

@lazylinguist

I've read about the first 5 pages of posts and haven't found a single one I disagree with so far, this is my favourite:

One of his favourites was suddenly speaking in "French," as though this was just romantic by default. Except I couldn't understand a word of it, because it was total gibberish. I never had the heart to tell him I have a degree in French

Just brilliant - how did you not tell him or laugh hysterically?!

The funny thing is, looking back now, I think I did mention having a degree in French. But I don't think he took it that seriously, in that obviously if I'd managed to study for it, it couldn't be that difficult, and was easily trumped by a couple of months he'd spent bumming round France as a hippie trying to make himself understood when buying sandwiches.

Agree with lots of these, though I like breakfast in bed and a shag in the shower.

Hard agree on "romantic" gestures with a clear shagging agenda.

Least favourite of all is having underwear bought as a gift. It's not comfortable, it's not to my taste, I already have plenty of pants, it's very obviously for his enjoyment and yet here I am politely saying thank you.
He is otherwise an excellent gift giver- donuts and the latest Private Eye when he's done the shopping. Ideal.

Venice.

Being bought red lingerie or jewellery. Never get it right.

Agree with flowers. I prefer a pot plant.

Expensive meals in posh restaurants. Spend £££ for tiny meals and hugely expensive wine only to find yourself in a kebab house on the way home because you're fucking starving.

Eating food off another person's naked body

Just no

most romantic thing
I was in UK pregnant with dd2 (complications) with 2 pre-schoolers in tow. Dh was still overseas in place we had been living in. Bloody long difficult separation.
I looked at earrings on ebay, saved a pair in my watch list.
A few days later they arrived. Dh had gone on to ebay for something and seen that I had saved them and bought them.
I burst into tears. The only problem was they were clip-on. I was watching them because of style and was looking for some pierced earrings that were similar!
But I saved them, still have them. Proper case of the thought that counts

@Beetlewing

Most things. It's all contrived nonsense

Yes, I was going to say that.

If you are trying or planning to do something romantic, the chance are it is not.

I hate all that stuff.

@Allergictoironing

Sex in front of an open fire. One side gets toasted, the other frozen, so you have to keep rotating like a kebab on a skewer to avoid this.

Also with the sex on the beach thing, sand gets everywhere

"like a kebab on a skewer"

I swear, that had me laughing out loud for a good five minutes! Thanks

My 4yo runs after the train waving to her daddy when he goes to work. I find it hilarious and I think I'd cringe myself inside out if he done it to me.

Wedding ceremonies in general. I find the whole need to stand in front of friends and family with a partner and say I weally wuv you then snog each other totally cringe - why does everyone need to witness this? The whole dressing up in white to pretend you're a virgin and have the father 'give you away' as well. It's never appealed to me, sorry!

@BettysCardigan

Ah *@ForwardRanger* it's all flutes and poetry until someone's perineum needs stitching

Wonder if he had a kazoo for this bit? Or a swanee whistle.