Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 25/04/2021 09:43

If you'd been invited and not received a drink then that would be rude.
But you weren't invited and the lack of drink was clearly a passive aggressive cue for you and dh to leave. It's bad enough that he turned up but he also brought you who drank 2 glasses of what might have been champagne that the guest had brought. Why on earth would you both show up Confused?

The only big that might redeem you is the lack of invitation part. If SIL is the golden child who is always being favoured over your h then that's obviously unfair and FIL ibu. If FIL picked SIL over your h because she's the better dinner companion because she doesn't drink the expensive alcohol then FIL is right to pick who he wants. SIL left straight after dinner so I'm guessing that FIL was hoping to finally chat with his friend on his own and wouldn't have served her champagne either or she'd have known to decline so FIL wasn't panicked

CervixHaver · 25/04/2021 09:44

@LemonRoses

You popped in and expected to guzzle the bottle he was sharing with friends?
Hahahah what a ridiculous twist of OP's words! That's hilarious
RisingSunn · 25/04/2021 09:47

YABU you gatecrashed!

Tambora · 25/04/2021 09:48

My parents would never have excluded me and my DH in the first place

What - even though inviting you would mean they would be breaking Covid rules by having more than the 6 people currently allowed at such gatherings?

LadyGAgain · 25/04/2021 09:48

@mikejardine

What in God's name is wrong with people on here? It's like upside down land sometimes.

It is insanely rude. Your FIL is insanely rude.No one in the real world would shrug and think this is okay or normal. It's weird and petty.

This is exactly what i thought when i read this thread this morning!

This.

So many responses on here are batshit. Your PIL's are batshit. And very rude.

CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2021 09:49

@Ilovedthe70s

Apologies if this has been explained and I missed it, I am fairly new here so don’t know if it is a regular phrase, what is a”biblical back story “ please
I’m thinking The prodigal son one, only on this occasion the father was reluctant to kill the fatted calf!
LadyGAgain · 25/04/2021 09:50

@ForThePurposeOfTheTape

If you'd been invited and not received a drink then that would be rude. But you weren't invited and the lack of drink was clearly a passive aggressive cue for you and dh to leave. It's bad enough that he turned up but he also brought you who drank 2 glasses of what might have been champagne that the guest had brought. Why on earth would you both show up Confused?

The only big that might redeem you is the lack of invitation part. If SIL is the golden child who is always being favoured over your h then that's obviously unfair and FIL ibu. If FIL picked SIL over your h because she's the better dinner companion because she doesn't drink the expensive alcohol then FIL is right to pick who he wants. SIL left straight after dinner so I'm guessing that FIL was hoping to finally chat with his friend on his own and wouldn't have served her champagne either or she'd have known to decline so FIL wasn't panicked

See. Batshit.

I honestly have to laugh at such utter nonsense. And to think that you people mingle in the world thinking that this sort of behaviour is normal.

CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2021 09:51

@Myhairnightmare

Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?

This part of the OPs post struck me. 'Coming back' would suggest the OP loves with them? Or at least on their land? Which could explain why OP later stated she couldn't provide details of why it wasn't 'just showing up'.

But she also mentioned that her DH was driving.
BadMotherLover · 25/04/2021 09:52

Will you Covid Police get over yourselves. Everyone was breaking lock down rules. Get over it. Move on. FFS!

aquamarine1 · 25/04/2021 09:53

Rude to exclude you and appalling rude with the champagne. FIL has no manners whatsoever.

slashlover · 25/04/2021 09:54

See. Batshit.

I honestly have to laugh at such utter nonsense. And to think that you people mingle in the world thinking that this sort of behaviour is normal.

So you think it's fine that OP appeared at her PILs when she was clearly not invited or wanted?

lottiegarbanzo · 25/04/2021 09:55

So OP, your PIL are not exactly the same as your parents. You like your parents better and would like to emulate them when older. Got it.

LadyGAgain · 25/04/2021 09:56

@slashlover

See. Batshit.

I honestly have to laugh at such utter nonsense. And to think that you people mingle in the world thinking that this sort of behaviour is normal.

So you think it's fine that OP appeared at her PILs when she was clearly not invited or wanted?

Yes. Because in a FAMILY people can just pop in and say hi, share a drink and leave. And anything to the contrary reeks of batshit behaviour.
Talkingmouse · 25/04/2021 09:57

Sounds like the pair of you are BU.

You weren’t invited. You shouldn’t have gone. Full stop.

Your fil should however, by his age, be mature enough to take your appearance with good grace and be a welcome host. Eg if necessary, have the social skills to steer you guys onto chatting with mil and some cheap plonk in another room, and take his bff into a corner with his precious champagne.

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 09:57

@aquamarine1

Rude to exclude you and appalling rude with the champagne. FIL has no manners whatsoever.
Why! You’ve no knowledge what so ever about why the in laws didn’t want them there, the op and her husband are not entitled. There could be any number of valid reasons they didn’t want them there that the op isn’t keen to articulate.
denverRegina · 25/04/2021 10:01

What time was it? Sounds like they'd finished for the evening and you barged in making eyes at the booze.

FIL was having a nightcap with his mate, SIL had long gone home, one of them had even gone up to bed!

You weren't expected or invited and they didn't want you to get settled in for the evening. Learn to read the room.

Notonthestairs · 25/04/2021 10:01

Neither of you come across well.

It was rude to turn up when you already knew that you were not welcome. Whatever the relationship between your husband and his family (something to be dealt with separately) you were not wanted there.

But it was bad manners to not offer you a drink and to make a point of the value of the drink.

I'm wondering what on earth their guests made of it all.

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 10:01

@Tambora

My parents would never have excluded me and my DH in the first place

What - even though inviting you would mean they would be breaking Covid rules by having more than the 6 people currently allowed at such gatherings?

My god. Pathetic.
slashlover · 25/04/2021 10:03

Yes. Because in a FAMILY people can just pop in and say hi, share a drink and leave. And anything to the contrary reeks of batshit behaviour.

So you're having a drink at home with your mates, one of them is upset and talking about her horrible marriage, then it's fine if your FIL appears and completely changes everything?

You're way is the only way apparently.

slashlover · 25/04/2021 10:03

*Your

denverRegina · 25/04/2021 10:04

"Yes. Because in a FAMILY people can just pop in and say hi, share a drink and leave. And anything to the contrary reeks of batshit behaviour."

Ok, so you've got your friends round and you're finishing off the evening. Some are in bed, you're having a private conversation over a drink.

It's ok for your FIL to just walk in, ignore your obvious signals that he isn't welcome, grab himself a glass and pour himself a couple of glasses of the champagne your friend had brought for the two of you to share is it? No, it wouldn't be.

Springchickpea · 25/04/2021 10:05

What am I reading?! Since when do you need an invitation to your own parents’ home? Even my PIL who I would personally hate to turn up uninvited here don’t need an invite and we damn sure don’t need one to theirs.

And then if someone does drop in, entirely reasonably, it’s polite to share. It’s so odd that you wouldn’t share something like that with family.

YANBU.

thebellsofsaintclements · 25/04/2021 10:07

@BusLaneLady

This is so weird. What happened to our values of whoever turns up unannounced we feed them and give them something to drink because they become guests and we are talking about family members. This is how family values break and how when you get old, you end up in the care home fiddling your thumb waiting for a Xmas visit. This is shit. You don't treat people like that who come to your home let alone family. So so weird. Op, yanbu. I would have felt the same. A glass of champagne shouldn't be more valuable than any human that walks into your home.
Agreed! I wouldn't give them the time of day after this. What crappy behaviour. If my kids ever waited for a formal invitation before visiting me at home (their childhood home?) I would feel like I failed as a parent.
daisypond · 25/04/2021 10:08

Yes. Because in a FAMILY people can just pop in and say hi, share a drink and leave. And anything to the contrary reeks of batshit behaviour.

No, I completely disagree. None of my family or DH’s would dream of just popping in to see family. And we are all very, very close.

Maggiesfarm · 25/04/2021 10:10

Your father is definitely lacking in etiquette.