Things I've done wrong according to teen DD

[GreenHairThingy]

Have enjoyed the various "toddler meltdown" threads over the years - you know the ones where the sandwich was cut the wrong way or the sky was the wrong shade of blue

Well this morning my only interaction with my 17 year old DD had her complaining that:

(super whingey tone) "this isn't fair! My arms just aren't strong enough for this!!! You know I've no upper arm strength" as i callously showed her how to empty and clean the tumble dryer filter so she could dry HER clothes. Take away is: I'm to blame for her lack of upper arm strength: Noted.

5 minutes later she is making herself a sandwich. I've bought a Warburtons loaf this morning.

(totally exasperated tone) "Mum, can you PLEASE stop buying bread that's about to go out of date!"

Confused, I check the date of the bread. It says the 15th March. She continues "exactly! The last loaf ran out on the 13th!!" (the loaf we finished yesterday, on the 11th)

When I politely and calmly suggested she call the team at Warburtons to complain, as i can only purchase the bread that is available with the dates that are offered, she rolled her eyes and said" it's really not ok"

I long for toddler tantrums. They were so much more reasonable.

My 16 year old DS simultaneously tells me off for treating him like a child and that a proper mum would iron his school uniform and lay it out on his bed ready for the morning

I feel so much for those of you still in this hell. Yes, it was hell!

For DD, it started at 13 and went until 17. Then abruptly stopped. But man, it was truly hellacious. I did not think I would survive. Literally, someone was not making it out alive. Every single action/breath/blink was 'mortifying' and could not be borne. She was sweetness and light personified to all but we, her parents.

I finally snapped, and fought back. In a visit to a mall - which she begged and pleaded was critical to her continued wellbeing - she was so horrid. So horrid. SO I went and bough a mop, mop bucket, and big rubber gloves. Donned the gloves, and walked behind her mopping the floor with bucket over my arm. Surprisingly, it only took her about 5 minutes to no longer have any reason to be shopping. That gave me about 3 days of relief. It then ramped up to hyper-horror again, so I waited til we were in the next shop together and picked up a pair of big pants - big ones - held them aloft and shouted across the store to her 'DD, are these the ones you want?' We did not do much shopping together for quite some time after that.

Oh. I'm shivering a bit remembering, and this is decades ago.

Mine has often surveyed the cupboards in these house with disdain, saying

‘There’s no food in this house, only ingredients.’

I've also got one at university. He's 22 so no longer a teen but is stuck at the teen stage he was in when he went at 19.

He, of course, knows everything. His dad and I, despite being graduates, despite having post grad qualifications and despite being intelligent human beings are little more than closed minded, knuckle dragging Neanderthals in his mind.

He only left home a couple of weeks ago and I've just told him there are certains topics I'm not prepared to discuss with him until he's grown up a bit and has experienced a bit of life beyond the MC leafy suburb he was raised in...

'There’s no food in this house, only ingredients.’

🤣 I've heard the exact same words from mine!

@2018SoFarSoGreat

I feel so much for those of you still in this hell. Yes, it was hell!

For DD, it started at 13 and went until 17. Then abruptly stopped. But man, it was truly hellacious. I did not think I would survive. Literally, someone was not making it out alive. Every single action/breath/blink was 'mortifying' and could not be borne. She was sweetness and light personified to all but we, her parents.

I finally snapped, and fought back. In a visit to a mall - which she begged and pleaded was critical to her continued wellbeing - she was so horrid. So horrid. SO I went and bough a mop, mop bucket, and big rubber gloves. Donned the gloves, and walked behind her mopping the floor with bucket over my arm. Surprisingly, it only took her about 5 minutes to no longer have any reason to be shopping. That gave me about 3 days of relief. It then ramped up to hyper-horror again, so I waited til we were in the next shop together and picked up a pair of big pants - big ones - held them aloft and shouted across the store to her 'DD, are these the ones you want?' We did not do much shopping together for quite some time after that.

Oh. I'm shivering a bit remembering, and this is decades ago.

This has made me laugh so much, I can just imagine the scene.

University worked wonders on my eldest, I'm not entirely convinced they didn't do an experimental brain transplant on her. There's a modern family bit they do where they say it's like sending a shuttle to the moon, and one day they come round from the dark side and it feels like they're back.

@EveningsInTheSummerhouse

'There’s no food in this house, only ingredients.’

🤣 I've heard the exact same words from mine!

Mine too Maybe they have a TeensNet hive mind where they share tips and tricks on how to be the most outrageously ostentatious and unreasonable human beings on the planet.

‘Mother’

I raise you ‘Mother dear’

Said in a Norther accent as in Muthur🤬

I know you're trying to be light hearted

But what happened to teens wanting to be independent?

At 17, you're only supposed to notice parents when you are sneaking a fag out the window at 2am, at which point you have to check what level of sleep they're at.

And you cook your own dinner and do own laundry and you're so relieved not to do family shit any more, but especially to be away from family dinners!

And you work out so your parents seem positively puny. Many friends were waitressing at that age, I wasn't allowed. But as soon as I turned 18, I was getting my job money!

I bet they won't live in flatshares either.

Okay, sorry, as you were...

There’s no food in this house, only ingredients

Yeah, I’m sure it’s some secret teen thing. Maybe Tiktok? I dunno😂 bloody teens.

And l just would like to add mine secretes socks like little discarded shrouds EVERYWHERE. Dh says she’s marking her territory!

My 17 yr old DD claims that I am simultaneously neglectful (because I expect her to do things like get the bus rather than me chauffeur her around, and cook for herself if she doesn't like the perfectly normal meal I'm planning) yet also over-protective (because I do strange things like ask for the address of her new boyfriend who she is going to stay with, or want to know what bus she will be coming home on)

I cannot win, it seems.

I sympathise op. Sometimes the toddler ones do seem a bit more reasonable - or failing that it was cute!

@Bumpsadaisie

I was so pompous, I used to come home from uni and tell my parents they really were very insular and they should get out more and try to develop more as people, that they really were in a rut and there was a whole world out there ...

They smiled and said well thank you Bumps, for your advice (then ignored me and doubtless laughed together about it!)

I laughed so much at this, my dd currently at uni, says quite similar things to me

i make a casserole and cook it for 5 hours, however the veggie 23 year old is very upset that i dont cook something for her that takes 5 hours,

lentils will not do

@Springersrock I always serve it far too late (I finish work at 5:30pm and dinner is around 6:30pm)

Oh she’d hate me. I eat around 7:30-8pm at university, sometimes I’d eat even later! I’m skinny so eating after 6 didn’t make me put on weight haha.

This thread has given me a much needed chuckle today! Thank you! My younger daughter rolls her eyes at her older sibling and says ‘I’ll never be like that Mummy’!!! Can’t wait to have two who can never find anything!!!

Could l just share the hell of clothes shopping with my dd. ( pre lockdown)

So I’m not allowed to suggest anything or pull it off a rack to show her. I just have to look alert and interested at all times. If l don’t, I get accused of ‘just standing there’. So l have to maintain this rictus smile whilst wanting to scream all the time. And look involved but not being allowed to do anything.

I don’t go with her anymore.

This is where I confess that I am grateful to have only managed one child, thankfully male. I am (now) eternally in debt to my mum, with whom, despite everything, I am still on speaking terms (most days), and now we are 64 and 86, AFTER A YEAR OF LOCKDOWN, I am desperate to see and hug. I'm even fond of my mother-in-law after months of social distance!

@EveningsInTheSummerhouse

'There’s no food in this house, only ingredients.’

🤣 I've heard the exact same words from mine!

And mine. This thread is very, very funny, in a rather desperate 'nodding with recognition' kind of way.

Proves my theory that teenagers are actually large toddlers.

I had the temerity to suggest that I may be able to help her with budgeting as she's on a student budget. How stupid of me, don't I know she is supposed to suffer through starvation to achieve self actualisation?

I also do the laundry all wrong

Ahh we had THAT discussion when she was about 12! Tipping point being when I had apparently laundered the "wrong" jumper for school (which was identical to the other 2!) Result?

She was taught how to use the washing machine, how to interpret care labels, separate loads, use detergent, stain remover and colour catcher and how to hang clothes to dry quickest and neatest that weekend and told to crack on doing her own laundry from now on. To her credit she did exactly that (with the occasional moan). I've been accused of all sorts on here due to this anecdote!

Oh dear god the teen tantrum a last till 17??

Mine is 20!! Sorry 

Mine is no longer a teen but my goodness the drama is still there.

See?

with the exception of the Uni stuff because I'm pretending you're all lying and at 18/19 they all become more reasonable.... I mean, it must be true

Again, sorry...

schrodinger's mother omg that's exactly it! Not embarrassingly present or "interfering" but somehow always at their beck and call too!

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

Just thought of another ….. our house is always freezing apparently … this has nothing to do with the fact that she's swanning about in shorts and a crop top.

Omg I thought this was just my dd! At times I capitulated but often I did just say "it's January! Put some bloody winter clothes on!"

And she knows Everything , but actually Knows Fuck All. yes!

Next exciting instalment - how to put them in the dryer, or on the washing line, when the cycle ends. . .

God yes everything is a saga isn't it?

I've also worked with commercial chefs and they are a sight to behold!

Maybe they have a TeensNet hive mind oh dear god don't give em ideas!

@Graphista, they don't really reach the age of reasonable until they are past 21, and have worked (properly) for at least a year.

I'm not generally an advocate of abuse, but every stroppy teenager needs a non-family boss who feels at liberty to explain precisely what is expected of them at work, and to tell them forcefully when and where they are falling short of expectations, and to do so loudly and publicly. This is where our children grow up. It's a sudden shock.

I was told in no uncertain terms by mine that I wasn't standing at a bus stop the right way recently!

I said "it's one thing being open minded, it's another being so open minded that your brain falls out your head"
I paraphrased something I read on FB.
OK, I might have asked for the door slamming.

There would be no AIBU on Teensnet, it would be TASU (They Are So Unreasonable) as it's obviously everyone else's fault.

Mine is 12, he got some work given to him this week, a project on teaching minecraft to beginners or something. I asked him why he was playing, I'm bloody researching it. He got off once I'd threatened to shut off the wifi.