Things I've done wrong according to teen DD

[GreenHairThingy]

Have enjoyed the various "toddler meltdown" threads over the years - you know the ones where the sandwich was cut the wrong way or the sky was the wrong shade of blue

Well this morning my only interaction with my 17 year old DD had her complaining that:

(super whingey tone) "this isn't fair! My arms just aren't strong enough for this!!! You know I've no upper arm strength" as i callously showed her how to empty and clean the tumble dryer filter so she could dry HER clothes. Take away is: I'm to blame for her lack of upper arm strength: Noted.

5 minutes later she is making herself a sandwich. I've bought a Warburtons loaf this morning.

(totally exasperated tone) "Mum, can you PLEASE stop buying bread that's about to go out of date!"

Confused, I check the date of the bread. It says the 15th March. She continues "exactly! The last loaf ran out on the 13th!!" (the loaf we finished yesterday, on the 11th)

When I politely and calmly suggested she call the team at Warburtons to complain, as i can only purchase the bread that is available with the dates that are offered, she rolled her eyes and said" it's really not ok"

I long for toddler tantrums. They were so much more reasonable.

@Okbussitout

Ok so I think another thing you need to think about is why they find being so rude acceptable. I would never have got away with this and I wasn't from a violent household.

It’s so obvious you haven’t experienced parenting a teen

Me: For god's sake, your hair is terrible! If you'd wanted it dyed I would've paid a hairdresser to do it
Her: I don't need a hairdresser. Friend is very experienced, you know
Me: Who is this friend?
Her: Silence
Me: Where did you meet her?
Her: At the bus stop
Me: How old is she?
Her: (reluctantly) Twelve

@Scorpio75kaz

I have one of these too. However, I thought I’d got away with - then she reached her 20’s and BAM there it was. She’s 23 now and no better

I feel you (as they say). Mine is 38 and still in it! 😢

@Okbussitout

You did have them knowing they would be teenagers. I'm sure as adults none of you ever behave like twats?

I'm all honesty I think there's a huge lack of empathy here. No wonder so many adults don't have good relationships with their parents. As a teen you are forced to live under the control of parents who often have very different opinions and outlooks.

I know this thread is supposed to be lighthearted but it just seems like there's a lack of respect for them as people.

I hope you slammed a door after pressing post.

@IHaveBrilloHair

Because they are your child and you love them fiercely, you adore them, and in between the horrid, they are fun and kind, generous, intelligent, sarcastic and very much a wee part of you, and as hard as it is, you love being their Mum.

This ^

I love the bones of them and wouldn’t swap them for all the cute babies in the world

We talk, have a laugh together, take the piss and argue about all manner of shite around the dinner table. They may collect dirty plates in their rooms, leave make up all over the bathroom and empty wrappers all over the bloody place, and be the cause of the vast amount of grey hairs I have, but they’re the most loving, lovely, kind, funny, smart and generous girls.

DH and I used to foster teens - now they truly came from toxic and abusive families.

Just placemarking as this is one of the best threads I've read in ages. I have an early teen DS who is currently lovely and very easy going but forewarned is forearmed and all that ...

Dd sorted out the music on my phone today, she deserves a gold star for not clubbing me round the head with the phone but she had so much patience whilst still sighing at me
She knows I'm having a hard time and genuinely wants to help.
We also had lots of amusing conversations, with serious stuff interspersed.
Teenagers are exasperating, but they can be lovely too, and lots of fun.

Tbf, she'll be 20 this year, when she was 14 she'd likely punch me if I looked at her, or didn't look at her

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Could l just share the hell of clothes shopping with my dd. ( pre lockdown)

So I’m not allowed to suggest anything or pull it off a rack to show her. I just have to look alert and interested at all times. If l don’t, I get accused of ‘just standing there’. So l have to maintain this rictus smile whilst wanting to scream all the time. And look involved but not being allowed to do anything.

I don’t go with her anymore.

Love this! This is me shopping with my DD. Anything I like or suggest is instantaneously deemed “hideous”, so I shouldn’t suggest or point out anything, but equally I am not allowed to find a quiet corner in the shop and browse Mumsnet. Good to know I am not alone :)

This is a brilliant thread. Thank you, OP, and all the amusing contributors.

I used to describe parenting Dd at her most hideous as being like a Children's TV presenter.
You must smile and be happy at all times, otherwise you hate them.
I'd get face ache from the fake smile.

I believe the answer to this is to start them young!

At 3, my son was dusting, bringing his washing downstairs and putting it in the washer, then taking it back upstairs once I'd washed/dried it.
At 5 or 6 he was actually vacuuming the whole house (apart from the stairs), filling the dishwasher, putting the tablet in the machine and switching it on and doing the same with the washing machine and tumble dryer (I took things out of the machines and put the crocks away/folded the washing etc, but he helped with cutlery and taking his clothes back upstairs).
By 8 he was making simple food like toast or sandwiches and he loved baking!
By the time he was 10 he was capable of cooking a full dinner and regularly helped me with practically all the household chores. He was even taking charge of things like grocery shopping, he would write the list, I'd drive us to the supermarket and we'd trundle round and he would know exactly which items to buy, he knew how to pack the bags at the checkout and knew my debit card pin so he could help with paying too.

Now, some may say that he was treated like some kind of slave but he most certainly wasn't, he enjoyed helping with all these things and got a very generous allowance/pocket money. I will add that I'm disabled and do struggle with these things which was my initial reason for 'training' him to be able to help me but it's paid dividends as he's grown up because he left home a few years ago, went to uni, moved in with a partner (who is totally useless around their home!) and knows how to use all the household appliances, cooks, can budget his money really well etc.
He's now almost 25 and regularly sees his partner's attempts at doing a little housework and comes telling me how poor the results are and thanks me for having taught him so well.

I know this has been a pretty long post but I believe that with a little training from an early age, you can create a young adult who you'll know is capable of being let out into the world and who you can be proud of because even though there was a "need" for me to teach my son these skills from an early age because I needed the help, he did them without complaint and I know they will serve him well as he goes through life. I truly am so very proud of the young man he's become.

Excellent.
The rest of us didn't even think to do this.

He's now almost 25 and regularly sees his partner's attempts at doing a little housework and comes telling me how poor the results are and thanks me for having taught him so well.

So he runs to his mum to moan and bitch about his partner and criticise them for helping in the house.

Are you sure you're the perfect parent you painted yourself to be

@IHaveBrilloHair my teenagers have not been young carers like yours has but they do a lot of chores, we all take turns washing up and taking the rubbish out and I've always been in charge rather than the other way round. I have one almost perfect dd (15) and one ds (13) who has to be nagged to finish a job and get in the shower and be woken up. Parenting, boundaries and creating independence plays a part but teenager brains are wired completely different and they are meant to rebel and be knobs. Your ds being a young carer didn't get to do that because of his responsibilities and I'm glad he's doing well in life now he's grown up. He might end up going completely wild in his 30s due to not being able to do that as a teen

I don't have a DS and she certainly did go wild in her teen years.
No idea why you thought otherwise, or got her mixed up with a male
She can go as wild as she wants now too she has her own home with her BF of 4 years.

On friday evening DD brought all her laundry down after I had put the wash load on before I went to bed, despite several reminders earlier on that evening. Then proceeds to tell me that she needs grey sports bra for college on Monday. I asked her to remind me over the weekend to put another load on with sports bra in it as I tend to wash on Mondays as weekends are busy with work etc. so to give me a reminder to put another load on at some point over the weekend.
She asked me for the sports bra this morning which is still in the dirty laundry, I pointed out that she was supposed to remind me to put on the extra washload. Cue tantrum, I should have reminded her to remind me to put the washload on!! No logic to that, if I had remembered, I would have just put the load on.

I used to describe parenting my dd as taming a Tasmanian Devil😖

My 11 yr old DS is like this already!
Hope he grows out of it bc you would think I was running a workhouse the way he goes on when I ask him to put his washing in the laundry bin!

God this thread has really tickled me. Mine aren't there yet my eldest is 8 (though you'd think she was a teenager the way she flings herself about the house saying she ALWAYS LOOKS AFTER HER LITTLE BROTHER - meaning she plays with him).

Gonna send this to my sister who is having a hard time with her 17yo DD. dSis had another baby when DNiece was 12. At the time, I remember well, how DNiece wasn't happy about it at all, her nose was very much put out of joint and my poor sister who suffered from PND, was getting 3 hours sleep a night would go out of her way to bend to her DD's every whim and tried to cultivate a relationship with her and the new baby. She poured so much time and energy into her DD and at the time DNiece wasn't especially grateful, she just had loads of brewing envy and didn't want to know the baby at all - fair enough. But now aged 17 all she bangs on about is how "why didn't you let me help you when Brother was born, I'd have done night feeds and babysitting I felt like you kept him from me" She also has ridiculously expensive taste - will only wear Calvin Klein underwear and tops with labels.My sister obliges, and she puts up with having Primark leggings with holes in because all her money goes on the kids. But she's a TERRIBLE mother because she won't buy a blue Nike hoodie for £90 that her DD already has in 2 other colours.

Then again I once gently suggested to DSis that she should maybe refuse to buy designer clothes and she practically recoiled in horror so my sympathy is slightly limited

Oh and DNiece will NOT get the bus because "it's for poor people" my sister absolutely did not raise her like that. When she was a very young single mum and didn't have enough money to get a full shop let alone run a car, they used to go EVERYWHERE on the bus together. Now she's 17 she's far too good for the bus my sister worked her backside off to build up a successful business and is now well off but she often says she thinks her DD would be more rounded if they were still skint and catching the bus everywhere. I'll give sister this - she refused to buy her a car for learning to drive in until DNiece saved £500 from her fast food job to contribute (would take 2 months or so), and DSis would give her another £1,500 towards one. Something I'm sure most of us would have loved when we were that aged.

But not DNiece, oh no. DNiece is so very special and unique that her mum apparently should be honoured to spend £10k on a car. When DSis suggested this very fair and reasonable offer, DNiece threw things across the room and raged that she didn't want a 'shit cheap car'.

Funnily enough she is still car-less.

@NoAuthorityAtAll

This a funny thread, but blimey - why on earth are you cooking for teens who whinge and moan about what you’re serving?

I once complained aged 16 (after weeks of being ungrateful for her cooking) that my mum's risotto was "fucking gross". Literally never cooked for me again while I still lived at home. Of course this was basically abuse to me looking back I really admire her conviction on following through and have told her as much since

My DD1 told me I had "ruined her life" when I gave her a little fork with a giraffe on it instead of the one with a lion on. She was 3.

I love reading all the posts! I’ve also one with a teen DD who thinks money grows on trees. I explain budgeting and the family finances to her, but it doesn’t seem to go in.

She keeps mentioning wanting to buy a 4x4 when she gets her driving licence. I point out that they probably cost £25k, and even if she got a part time job it would be hard to save up that amount, and that my car cost £7k. But it doesn’t register with her.

@NoAuthorityAtAll
We carry on cooking for them because we want them to have decent meals.
They're teens, left to their own devices they'll eat utter shit which generally the parents will be paying for anyway.
They'll moan, whine, tell you it's crap but eat it anyway.
They're like larger toddlers, except the toddlers really won't eat it and you wouldn't stuff them full of pot noodles, sausage rolls and cornflakes right?
Underneath all the horrid, they just really want Mum/Dad to care.

For everyone who has loved this thread, please Report it to MNHQ to ask for it to go into Classics or it will be lost in a few weeks! Chat threads only last 30 days, and I'd hate to lose this one

Also sniggered at "Old People Snacks" - luckily my DS1 (13) quite likes "old people snacks" still, but is also not averse to "kiddy snacks" - he'll take whatever he can get his hands on!