What my DD told nursery - make me feel better please

[Retrovibe89]

This is probably going to be such a non issue but this is my first child so the first time I’ve encountered this. DD is almost 2 and apparently told one of the staff at nursery today “mummy naughty. Mummy shouting. Daddy crying” so they have just been on the phone and I think they think I abuse my husband please make me feel better that this is just toddler rambling!!!!

I used to fit car seats. A little boy poked my bum whilst I was bent over. I made a joke and said 'ooh did you just poke my bottom?'
He said 'no it was my daddy!' The dad went bright red as people walking past had heard. I thought it was hilarious

What??! @LisaLemon I was enjoying this thread and found it mostly funny until I got to your comment. What on earth is wrong with displaying healthy emotions in front of your children? Please, feel free to elaborate.

So many stories i could share. When one of our daughters was around that age banged her head we think in nursery. Bruse developed during the day, staff asked her how she did it and she happily told them daddy did it. Inevitably and correctly they asked me when I collected if it was possible. Luckily it was easy ax my husband was away for work so wasy to prove it couldn't have been him.

Mine said my husband sliced him 🤣🤣🤣

He fell on his plane toy

@dontdribble

That's amazing 🤣🤣🤣

There was a young girl about 19 called Louise, working at my son's after school club when he was about 4 or 5. She was his favourite keyworker and I said in the car on the way home one night that she seemed lovely and I'm glad he liked her.

Next day, apparantly he shouted to her across the whole room that my daddy told me last night that he's in love with Louise!!

She never ever spoke to me again in the next 5 years he went there - apparantly all the other staff took the piss out of her - I was old enough to be her dad!! but I couldn't explain it without making it sound worse!

DD told her teacher she had pot noodle everyday for dinner as we had no more food.

These are fantastic. Thank you for making me laugh after today! I suppose I should be glad my nursery are close to these things

At a story telling session, the story teller asked my son if the man sitting next to me was his dad.
He replied in an outdoor voice 'he's not my dad, I don't have a dad (he does) then even louder and SHE'S NOT MARRIED

He was about 5 at the time.

My brother told school that daddy kills people, takes off their skins and puts them in the freezer

We had the police / forensics / social workers the whole nine yards.

He thought rabbits were people too. Dad did a spot of shooting in the farmers field for extra cash and split half the kill with the farmer

I used to get a school bus to and from primary as it was in a rural area.

In about year 1 we had been learning about stranger danger. My uncle who doesn't often visit came to meet me off the bus, I shouted "stranger, stranger! i don't know you!"

Point blank refused to go with him. My horrified neighbours took me home until my (raging) parents come to collect me a little while later!

Mine tells them that I don’t make him wash his hands or brush his teeth when he’s at home

@thistimelastweek

When he was about six, my brother told the teacher he hadn't learned his spellings because he'd been left alone all weekend during which time he lived off jam sandwiches.

Oh I love that one. Wish I'd thought of it.

My mum had to go into my school when I was around 9. We had recently got a kitten which had instantly bonded with me and used to suckle on my next at night which 9 year old me thought was wonderful. My mum basically had to explain to the head that my love bites were from a cat and nothing else.

My mum always tells the story when I was younger we had a house full of fireman for some reason I’m thinking gas leak maybe I know it wasn’t a fire and I went put my arms up to be picked up to every fireman and called them daddy I was about 2 she had never got over it

*neck

My Mum likes to frequently remind me of the time I didn’t want to make a Father’s day craft.

I said I couldn’t, when pressed why I simply responded ‘Daddy’s dead’. He wasn’t and apparently it was a very awkward conversation for all when they called to double check.

I work with kids. I have heard so many of these.

However, I was talking animatedly to my friend on day when her daughter ran over to me for a hug. Unfortunately this was just at the moment I throw my hand out in an expansive gesture. There was hand - face contact.

24hrs later friend's daughter had a cracking black eye and took great delight in telling everyone (teachers/ bus drivers/ their next door neighbour) that "opinionated hit me".

Fortunately her mother had pre-empted this by calling the school and explaining what had happened and said that it was a clearly witnessed incident and she had no concerns...

Oh and my sister told her teacher that she had to sleep in a cupboard.

SS referral made. My mother gleefully showed the SW the small double bedroom that was my sister's. Forever afterwards known as the cupboard. To the great confusion of guests who had been told they were "sleeping in the cupboard" and were then shown to a proper bedroom.

@thenightsky

On her first day at nursery, DD (aged around 3) told staff at nap time that she 'needed a sherry to get off to sleep properly'.

These stories are making me laugh but this one has absolutely finished me

In the 1970’s I told my teacher that my mum was a prostitute, that my dad had changed her, but my granny still a prostitute. She was a Protestant who converted to Catholicism.
My sister said my mum was lazy and always sitting down. She had just had a hysterectomy.
My brother said she was always getting in police cars and being taken to the police station. She worked in the police canteen and would often be given a lift to work.
How she showed her face at the school I will never know.

I don't remember this well, but as a young child whenever someone visited the house mum would make them a cup of tea/coffee. At about four I started saying 'and she didn't put any poison in I promise you.'

There were many cups of tea left to go cold and the piano tuner pretended he had retired rather than come back after I followed him to the piano and prattled on about how he was definitely too nice to poison and bury in the garden.

DD1 told her reception teacher that Daddy likes to go into her bedroom at night!

Yeah, to read her a story. She missed that bit off

@MrsIronfoundersson

My nephew (aged 4 and a holy terror) once escaped from our family group at Mass (Irish Catholic) and ran up the aisle to the altar. I was sent up to retrieve him and when I got there, he cowered and shouted 'don't hit me ... again!' The child had never been hit or smacked in his life!

50 years ago my older brother wouldn't stop shouting during Mass so my mother picked him up and headed out with him kicking and screaming, just as they got to the door he roared 'I won't fucking do it again, I fucking promise', now my parents were pretty easy going but this was 1970's catholic Ireland so when they seen the priest arrive to the house later that day they were dreading what he'd say, he told them it was the best laugh he'd had in church for years, that watching the old biddies bless themselves as my brother cursed made him struggle to stay straight faced and that they weren't to worry about it. He then sat playing cars with my brother and kindly explained that bad words should be said really quietly. Thankfully we've been fortunate with the priests we've had in the parish, everyone of them had a sense of humour and was easygoing.