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My husband is tired. I thought I’d better tell you all

394 replies

FlamingoAndJohn · 10/07/2020 17:22

There has been so much huffing and puffing around the house about how tired he is that I think he wants everyone to know.

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 10/07/2020 23:07

I remember coming home after a day of work where he'd hoovered 'for me'...

@Weetabixandcrumpets. What a lovely thought! How sweet of him to give you such a treat. At least you know what he'd like for his next birthday.

"Darling, I was going to organise a nice day out or a lovely dinner, but actually I've topped it all this year. I have hoovered the house FOR YOU! Don't you love your nice clean carpets? Isn't it fantastic?"

Annasgirl · 10/07/2020 23:16

This was me last night - why oh why is their tiredness so important.

Thanks for sharing though OP - it's good we all know now and can feel his pain - and yours 😂😂😂

Weenurse · 10/07/2020 23:23

@Cocolapew get him a Garmin, it measures sleep cycles so will tell him how much deep sleep and light sleep he has.
Mine is work from home for 3 months now. Up at the first crack of lunch time, my DC tell me ( as I work more than full time out of the house).
Woke me at 3am coming to bed.
Does not tell me he is tired, but did get a bit stroppy when I suggested he cook during the week while he is home. Apparently I am lazy for not wanting to cook after a 10 hour day at work!
Did see the error of his ways and is now going to cook during the week.

CaptainNelson · 10/07/2020 23:25

The best I remember came after years of him walking round the house saying just in my earshot 'so tired' - not so he could actually be accused of moaning to me about how tired he was, but obviously so I would know. One day, I heard him in the kitchen - he was doing the washing up thing which always results in water all over the bloody place and a mysterious 1/3 of the dirty dishes left for the House Fairy to finish off. It started with him going, so tired, so tired, so tired, then morphed into, I'm not tired! I'm not tired! I'm not tired! But said in such a way that he was clearly under the impression that he would somehow convince me? himself? the House Fairy? that he was really really really tired and had done far more than his fair share of the day's chores. And undoubtedly had earned several hours in front of the tv, motionless

MrsSnitchnose · 10/07/2020 23:25

Not tiredness, but a pain one.

I'm single but have been treated to a daily update on my dad's knee, courtesy of my driven demented mother. He has a problem with one of his knees (possibly arthritis, possibly cartilage wastage) but obviously those doctors don't know anything.

Consequently, he shuffles round the house moaning and limping and constantly wakes mum up at night because he's in so much pain won't do physio, painkillers or any of the other prescribed things How she hasn't murdered him yet I don't know.

As an aside, the problem miraculoulsy disappears the second she's not in the vicinity

user1471510720 · 10/07/2020 23:30

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whatashower · 10/07/2020 23:38

Thank you for this brilliant thread which has made me laugh a lot. Not wanting to be a nocturnal cunty owl myself, I am off to bed to slip in and out of unconsciousness. Hope I make it through to morning safely 😬.

DrBlackbird · 10/07/2020 23:40

This is a brilliant thread. Has immeasurably cheered me up but couldn't explain why I was laughing to DH who was... yes you guessed it... tired! Two new words / phrases for nomination to Oxford dictionary: 'mandemic' and 'The Tired' 😴

GarlicMcAtackney · 10/07/2020 23:41

Did you all find these specimens irresistible enough to repeatedly impregnate you? I can’t imagine finding this acceptable. We are childfree and my husband, mysteriously doesn’t do this, nor does he dawdle a drive home or inexplicably develop a ‘hobby’ that requires him to fuck off into the sunset for whole days. Almost as if these losers regret banging out a load of kids and being expected to parent them is just too much

Rosebel · 10/07/2020 23:57

Love this 😂 Mine is exhausted despite having the day off and sleeping for 8 hours. I was awake for 23 hours yesterday as our little one was grizzly all night but obviously I shouldn't be tired🤔

whatashower · 10/07/2020 23:57

Did I just hear the thwump of a very wet blanket or indeed a soaking dressing gown of doom?

winewellies · 11/07/2020 00:02

@LadyOfTheImprovisedBath we have a very similar charade happen here .. it can sometimes have the added suspense of opening a cupboard or two ..before declaring 'too tired to cook and all that'

buckeejit · 11/07/2020 00:09

@TW2013. That's so funny. A dressing gown of doom comes out occasionally here & we have a section of outside known as the alley of doom!

RatinaMaze · 11/07/2020 00:09

Thank you for this thread. Mine has indigestion. This means he must sigh, moan and stretch constantly while simultaneously making it clear that he is sulking and not in the mood for any chat with me. Oh and the burping - the godawful forced burping like he is trying to cough up a hairball. And obviously there is no point in him going to bed tonight because there's no way he could possibly sleep while feeling like this.

A while ago he seemed to have forgotten his own pain and started excitedly reading me an article about the newly released updated version of our car. I made the rookie mistake of remarking that he seemed a lot better which obviously reminded him that he was actually dying so immediately started the moaning, stretching and burping thing again.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 11/07/2020 00:52

Dp is fairly robust bless him (if you exclude his repeated claim that I steal the duvet and the image of him sausage rolled in the duvet snoring half the night must in fact be some form of hallucination 🙄Hmm) but he is generally a trooper and rarely complains about being tired (once 6 months into the relationship he huffed and puffed and I told him to knock it the fuck off...he has rallied since )

I did notice though the other day that after 10 years of being married to the huffiest of puffiest, permanently tires (whilst eating shit and smoking too much and sleeping twice as much as me Hmm ) exdh I had without realised still listened to the complaints when he rings DC of the evening. No problem with the facetiming DC, all good.....then I realised I had begin to ask a purely polite perfunctory all ok with you? And the huffing and puffing about tired had become a theme.

Bliidy hell even when I divorce him he got me , it's amazing how fast I heard the DC start to call for me and I had to dash off the phone .....ergh.

justilou1 · 11/07/2020 06:14

Mine has form for storming into a room, doing the sighing and puffing and eye-rolling (which we all ignore because as you all know, acknowledgment just encourages it all...) raising his arms up in the air and proclaiming that he is “Sick of this shit” regardless of whatever is going on - could be the kids doing their homework, me cooking dinner, etc.... I have finally learned to bring out the cheese-grater as a visual cue to tell him that whatever he’s responding to has nothing to do with me or the kids and he can take it away or be prepared to feel a special kind of pain.

ComeOnGordon · 11/07/2020 07:17

@RatinaMaze oh the burping Angry he’s now my ex but every single time he was unwell with whatever - a cold, a migraine, a stomach bug - he would get out of bed, come to the kitchen table in his pants & a scabby t shirt and sit there looking very sorry for himself then start with the fucking burps AngryAngryAngry I’ve never felt like burping when I’ve got the cold. It got to the point where the kids and I mocked him which is clearly not fair when he’s in the middle of a man illness.

Wonder if the OW gives him some sympathy Grin

RobinHobb · 11/07/2020 07:53

Thank you for this thread!
So glad to know that the Tired is a mandemic and I'm not the only married to this.

So many recognisable themes here:

It wasn't "good quality" sleep honey (but was snoring so loudly that he woke himself up..)

I'm "shattered" because the baby was up all night (yes, he woke up once, briefly paused snoring - and then - resumed. I contemplated putting a pillow over his face)

The huffing and puffing,yes. The martyr makes an appearance every single morning.

But my favourite: the nocturnal cunty owl. If you're so tired why the f can you not, you know, simply go to sleep? Instead of watching telly half the night?!

My mother in law has told me: DH is not like a normal person. He needs more hours of sleep than a regular person so he CANT help with the baby at nights, robin, it's just not possible for him. YOU have to take care of him and the baby. (He is a favourite only son. A classic illustration of how deep rooted the problem is....)

Then he wakes up 9 hours later and I bite: what's wrong honey?

I'm so tired, I didn't get any sleep....

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 11/07/2020 07:53

"Darling, I was going to organise a nice day out or a lovely dinner, but actually I've topped it all this year. I have hoovered the house FOR YOU! Don't you love your nice clean carpets? Isn't it fantastic?"

One of many bits of MN advice and pieces of reproducible guidance that I've noted for the next time something similar occurs! Grin

Margo34 · 11/07/2020 08:04

@SlightyJaded

Ahhhhh yes, another sufferer here.

Poor DH is also surprised to find himself exhausted after doing, broadly, fuck all, today.

He has a special routine for letting me know.

He begins with doing the ‘actions’ – yawny, wide-eyed surprise face. He might puff out a breath as though caught off guard by this unexpected exhaustion. He might even freeze in his tracks with a hand on a drawer where the screwdrivers live as though he was genuinely about to do something useful but, to his great disappointment, finds he can barely stand, so exhausted is he.

This is ignored by me, so then he will suddenly flop down onto a chair as though he is gutted he can’t go for that 10K run. This is done with a sort of flopping-flourish and usually accompanied by gentle eye closing for a few seconds. He can't keep them closed though because he has to make sure I am aware that the charade is playing out.

As long as I am stoic and ignore this, he will look at the cooker and ask “Is it really only eight thirty?” as though he has had major surgery whilst suffering jet lag. I either treat this as a rhetorical question or I might distractedly say “Oh I think it might be a minute slow”. Often at this point, for a bit of fun, I will ask if he fancies nipping up into the loft so we can get ‘that box/those bags/anything I can think of’ down. This is met with a look of sadness. He SO wants to but he really has a bad case of The Tired.

At this point, he can’t really hold out any more and has to share his Tired with us all. He might say “God I really am extraordinarily tired. Bone tired actually – I might need to lie down”. I usually can’t help myself and will often tell him “You do that. I’m just going to take the bins out/move the chest of drawers. But once I did say, “Oh do you mean like when I used to get knackered in the first trimester with DC2? When I could almost sleep on my feet” and he gratefully replied “Yes! Like that! Weird isn’t it?” Hmm

I left the room.

I read this post with the voice of David Attenborough in my head.

Now I'm in stitches! 😂

DomDoesWotHeWants · 11/07/2020 08:11

DH has just come down wearing the dressing gown of doom.

He is sighing loudly. Each sigh gets louder as I fail to ask what's wrong.

I think it's going to be a long day.

FoxtrotOscarPoppet · 11/07/2020 08:22

This thread is absolute gold! Mumsnet should add it to classics.

I’ve been sat here reading it having a good old giggle and a lot of it sounds very familiar gives DH the side-eye.

How are all your “Tired” folk doing this morning?

completetheform · 11/07/2020 08:30

Onekidnoclue

It must be serious. My DH is only ever EXTREMELY TIRED when I mention that I’m whacked. Apparently his 9-5 is just as tiring as my first trimester exhaustion plus three yo wrangling... oh! And my full time job too!
Honestly it’s incredible, he’s so strong though. Too weak to unload the dishwasher but assured me he has the strength to go to the pub... what a solider 🥳

Hilarious. I sit at my desk all day and it's not like looking after two kids was. Delighted to be a single parent to teenagers. Life is much easier now.

@KetoWinnie
just like you I sit at my home office desk single parent to 2 teens (well ones nearly a teen) except I have four of these precious little darlings in my team - I really feel for their OH's at least I can switch to my mobile phone hotspot and go "Internet problems your breaking up"

FlamingoAndJohn · 11/07/2020 08:38

@GarlicMcAtackney

Did you all find these specimens irresistible enough to repeatedly impregnate you? I can’t imagine finding this acceptable. We are childfree and my husband, mysteriously doesn’t do this, nor does he dawdle a drive home or inexplicably develop a ‘hobby’ that requires him to fuck off into the sunset for whole days. Almost as if these losers regret banging out a load of kids and being expected to parent them is just too much
Nope. Child free here too.
OP posts:
TW2013 · 11/07/2020 09:46

FlamingoAndJohn how is diddums this morning, have you had the obligatory update on how many hours sleep he had and that because of how little sleep he had/ despite how much sleep he had he is still tired?