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Thanks to S&B, I'm finally winning in the "pursuit of elegance."

524 replies

LavenderHills · 17/01/2020 03:08

I'm about to write a very long post about how the Style and Beauty board has helped me revolutionise my wardrobe! There's no one else in my life who is really interested in this stuff, so I've got to debrief here Smile

I have always enjoyed the threads about how to look polished or "expensive", but in my own life I've been an impulsive bargain shopper and the result was a wardrobe full of clothes but a feeling of never looking as put-together as I wanted. Last year, I decided I was going to change this and take a planned, intentional approach to my wardrobe, spending more money on less items. I know the classic, polished look is not everyone's cup of tea, but it was what I wanted, and I also wanted to shop more sustainably and buy things that would last for years and not go out of style.

Starting at the beginning of July 2019, I allocated myself a weekly sum that I was allowed to spend on clothes an accessories (100AUD per week, so about £52), added up what the total would be over the course of a full year, and then created a list of everything I thought I would need- shoes, clothes, underwear etc- to feel polished and put together. I spent a lot of time researching exactly which items I wanted and how much they cost, put it all in a spreadsheet so I could see what the total was, and eventually ended up with a list that used up 90% of the overall budget, with 10% left over for "extra" items and a list of what I might want those extras to be (new sunglasses, for instance.)

A lot of the items on my list were "boring" things that I wouldn't impulse-purchase on a fun shopping trip, and were more expensive than I'd be able to buy if I was just spending my £52 per week in an ad hoc manner on whatever I pleased. Examples include really comfortable black leather ballet flats that I can walk for miles in, and a black leather shoulder bag with a zipper and the perfect strap length. I had to save my allocated money each week, and then make a purchase when I had accumulated enough to buy the next item on the list.

I'm now almost seven months into my year of planned purchases and I can't believe what a difference it's made! For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I have the appropriate things to wear for every occasion, and it's really easy to get dressed and feel polished and elegant. Instead of cheap, fun party dresses or eleven million cute tops that don't go with anything else I own, I can now get dressed for, say, a casual brunch in jeans and a t-shirt that fit me perfectly, are made out of quality fabrics and beautifully cut. I have the right casual shoes to go with them, and a bra underneath that fits properly. My bag is a lovely, soft leather and fits the occasion, my earrings are understated but solid gold, and it all works well together without me having to think much about it. All of the "boring" purchases have added up to a wardrobe that works well for my actual life.

I can't see myself ever going back. I no longer make impulse purchases, and I find that quite calming. I can walk past shops without being tempted by a cheap bargain pair of shoes, because I know it's not on my list and the things that ARE on my list are the things I really want and will use. I don't shop in sales unless something on my list goes on sale.

I'm already brainstorming what will go on the next list once this first twelve months is up. Having pared back my wardrobe and bought the basics I need, I feel like the next step is saving up for some investment pieces, maybe only buying three or four items a year once I've replaced things that have worn out. I'm dreaming of bespoke coats and antique earrings!

None of this is rocket science, but I wanted to share it in case anyone else is like me and wants a bit of inspiration about how to make a change.

OP posts:
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LavenderHills · 17/02/2020 21:48

@discotils I'll have to check out those ASOS jeans!

I find having a list and a yearly amount to spend to be really useful in preventing impulse purchases, because if I want something that isn't on the list, I have to look at the list and see if I'm willing to take anything off it to free up that money. Nine times out of ten, I realise I want all of the things on the list more than I want the new item, and it doesn't get bought.

I have swapped one or two things out, though. For example, I had set aside £200 for another beautiful, practical hat from my lovely milliner. However, once I bought my sun protection umbrella (mentioned down the thread somewhere) I found that I was using it every day and only wearing my hat occasionally, so another hat was no longer a priority. I've "redirected" those funds to allow myself another item from A Day, because I've been wearing the things I bought from there constantly.

Having it all written down, and having things sitting on the list for months while I wait to buy them, really helps me define my priorities and make sure I'm only making considered purchases of things I really want and will really use.

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LavenderHills · 17/02/2020 22:21

@DonKeyshot For convincing fake diamonds etc, I've heard Heavenly Necklaces is good. There's been a bit of discussion of them on one of the Royal fashion threads.

heavenlynecklaces.com/collections/earrings/products/classic-silver-diamond-studs

OP posts:
Whatdayisit2 · 17/02/2020 22:56

F

DonKeyshot · 18/02/2020 00:41

The Heavenly website you've linked to looks interesting, Lavender, but a number of their stud earrings can be found at lower prices on tjc which is a UK tv channel selling jewellery and other goods.

These two styles from tjc's Elanza collection could be mistaken for the £99.99 0.25 carat diamond solitaire studs and the £199.99 New York close out 0.50 carat diamond studs and they're a decent size - i.e not so small that they're barely noticeable:
www.tjc.co.uk/earrings/elanza-simulated-diamond-sqr-stud-earrings-with-push-back-in-rhodium-overlay-sterling-silver-3514742.html#q=elanza%2Bstud%2Bearrings&cgid=shop-navigation&start=10

I like being able to see the clips of their shows as it gives a much better idea of what you'll get if you buy. The above earrings may look unprepossessing, but if you click on the 2nd icon and see them sparkling live on air they look to be convincing dupes. Do you have any similar channels down under?

If only I could justify buying a sun protection umbrella Sadly, thermal undies, padded stadium-type coats and snow boots/wellies are the order of the day here. Attempting to look stylish in the weather we've had lately is a losing battle as wearing anything less than 100% waterproof outwear from top to toe will result in a somewhat unfetching 'drowned rat' look. Sad

LavenderHills · 18/02/2020 02:17

@DonKeyshot I think there are home shopping networks in Australia, but I'm not sure. I don't tend to lose jewellery (touch wood!) so I prefer to save up for "real" items, and have been lucky enough to inherit some good quality pieces. However, I can absolutely see why you would if you lose earrings, etc, and there seem to be some amazingly realistic faux jewels available.

At the moment, I'd be happy to exchange some of your cold, rainy weather for the Australian summer. It gets to a point where you're just sick of being hot and sweaty all the time. I'd love to be able to wear some cozy knitwear and snuggle down under a duvet to sleep Smile

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DianaT1969 · 18/02/2020 03:34

Place marking so that I can check out all the brands again later. Great thread and I'm inspired. I'm the impulsive shopper who has lots of clothes but nothing goes together and I skimp on coats and jackets, so never look polished.

MrsBobDylan · 18/02/2020 08:40

I am a bit in love with you op. Unfortunately, you are everything I'm not in terms of understated, classic style.

However, I might give some thought to how I can adapt your ethos to my own wardrobe.

LavenderHills · 20/02/2020 00:51

@MrsBobDylan that is the nicest Mumsnet compliment I have ever received!

I think the main idea is that none of us are naturally elegant and stylish (well, maybe some women are, but certainly not me!) but if we take a planned, logical approach to it, we can look a lot more put-together Smile

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goody2shooz · 20/02/2020 08:06

I stumbled upon this thread as I looked for inspiration for some new places to shop - it’s been wonderful! I made a clothes inventory, the old fashioned version of the spreadsheet idea mentioned, and it is soo useful! I went through all my stuff Marie Kondo style, and then listed every item, grouped according to category, along with price paid, where bought, and year. It’s been great to see just what I have, and what I don’t wear - even after choosing to keep ! I buy a lot of stuff from charity shops and eBay and sell most anything I decide doesn’t work for me back on eBay to lessen the guilt of buying. Being retired and on environmental grounds I feel I can’t justify a large wardrobe. The other useful thing I found was making a list of ‘occasions’ and putting together outfits to suit, again that way you can see any potential gaps in the wardrobe. Good way to pass these rainy days we keep having here!

RuffleCrow · 20/02/2020 08:10

Ooh, i want to be you when i grow up, op!

GinTonic123 · 23/02/2020 19:25

Placemarking for later. This thread has some really good ideas and websites for me to look through. I will start a list for after maternity leave starting with casual clothing and then working back to my work wardrobe. Am looking forward to it.

LavenderHills · 27/02/2020 00:57

I forget which poster said she had ordered the Petite Parisian in tan, but if you're still here could you give us a review? I'm considering expanding my collection Grin

Also, I've just re-shuffled some things on my list to free up funds, and ordered a new suit for work from A Day's All Day Suiting collection (the Portfolio pant and the Strategy blaze, if anyone's interested.) It's all supposed to be stretchy, machine washable and wrinkle free, so fingers crossed it lives up to the reviews! I'll post an update when it arrives.

OP posts:
DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 27/02/2020 02:00

Someone upthread mentioned Dejour Jeans in Brunswick - here’s an article about them.
www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/brunswick/shops/dejour-jeans

MrsAmaro · 27/02/2020 03:07

Hello, I am the petite Parisian Tan owner! I love it. Great day bag for chucking my phone, book, water bottle, coffee cup and other detritus in.

Socalm · 27/02/2020 03:30

This thread has been an inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing all this advice OP.

DarkMutterings · 27/02/2020 04:11

I've got the petit Parisian in tan too.

Bought mainly as a travel bag, I love it. Big enough for everything, but not so big I can't find phones and tickets etc. Even full it's not too heavy and easy to carry. Zip top a plus. It is slouchy so if you want structure/protection not the bag for you - I put my laptop in a sleeve so it's ok for me. Colour is lovely and goes with everything inc black.

What I'd say though is, I'd prefer a nicer lining but given so few bags have linings these days I'll take what I can get. It arrived a bit wrinkled, these have fallen out now.

Definitely a keeper

Winecheesesleep · 27/02/2020 19:27

I love this thread, it's really made me think. Please can I ask a question that you guys may be able to answer - how do you judge value and know how much to spend? So I could save up for this:

www.harrods.com/en-gb/shopping/kiton-cotton-v-neck-t-shirt-15098344

But in what way would it be worth so much more than this:
m2.hm.com/m/en_gb/productpage.0816953002.html

Would it be quality, durability, ethics? I don't have a particularly good sense of quality apart from obvious cases but then I never buy anything that expensive so perhaps you really can tell. I do feel a lot of my clothes aren't very durable however, I'm sure I'd notice the difference there.

OP in the case of your gold earrings they look lovely but how did you know they were the ones for you rather than a £50 pair for example. I hope that comes across in the right way, this has been very inspirational for me but it's quite a mental shift!

MrsDrudge · 27/02/2020 20:31

Excellent question Winecheesesleep! I’d love some advice on judging value/quality and whether expensive/designer brands justify the cost

wrinkledimplelover · 27/02/2020 21:01

Wine I can't answer everything you asked (as I'm following this thread for inspuration myself) however I do know about fabrics and sewing.
Those two tops are different fabrics. The H&M one is viscose. It's a far cheaper fabric to produce than cotton. It's also (if you look at the other images) quite see through. See through fabric uses less yarn to weave/knit, which is cheaper. The expensive one is 100% cotton (no Lycra or polyester added). It is also somewhat seethrough, though less than the H&M one. The cotton is probably a high end type of cotton made using long or extra long cotton fibres (this makes it smoother and softer than more everyday cotton). This type of fabric is premium fabric.

The H&M one is all machine sewn and the other is hand finished from the looks of the v-neck (close up on my phone).

The H&M one is sleeveless and the other has short sleeves. This requires and extra couple of stages in production and extra fabric.

You can definitely buy better quality than what you get for a tenner, however, in my opinion, there is absolutely nothing in the fabric or construction that could make a white cotton tshirt with a few tucks at the back and some hand stitching worth £975. There aren't any button holes, and it's even pull over the head, so it's almost as simple as you can get.

Unless, of course, it is sewn with actual gold thread!

LavenderHills · 28/02/2020 00:49

@Winecheesesleep those are extremely interesting questions! I will do my best to reply, but keep in mind that I'm not an expert either. I don't work in fashion and am figuring this out myself through trial and error.

Firstly, I think it is worth paying more money for something that will last longer, look better and is ethically made. In the case of a t-shirt, a good-quality cotton or other natural fibre (or even some of the newer, more high tech synthetic fabrics) is going to last longer than the cheap viscose used in that H&M shirt. It is less likely to stretch and fade during the washing process, and something made with more care and better finishing and stitching is less likely to fray, have seams come loose etc. I also prefer to buy ethically, sustainably produced clothing wherever possible, and while H&M is not the worst, it is certainly not the best!

https://goodonyou.eco/how-ethical-is-hm/

However, not wanting to waste money on the false economy of a £9.99 shirt from H&M doesn't mean you have to save up for a £975 one from Harrods! I agree with @wrinkledimplelover There is no way that shirt is worth the money Hmm

I think it's more a case if saving up for a £50 shirt instead of a £10 one, if the more expensive shirt is going to look better on you and last five years instead of six months.

You'll notice from my posts that there are no big name "designer" brands on my list of things to buy. I personally find designer logos and branding tacky and the opposite of elegant. I prefer the subtlety of good quality clothes that don't shout at you about how expensive they were! I also think that with designer labels you're often paying extra money for the "name", so I prefer to look for smaller brands that make great quality clothes without an outrageous markup.

Quality and ethics aside, I also think that so much of this actually just comes down to refusing to buy things that aren't perfect FOR YOU. If you identify exactly what you want from a shirt or handbag or pair of shoes, wait until you find one that fits your criteria and pay a bit more for it if necessary. It will be cheaper in the long run when you don't have to replace it, and you'll feel better wearing it than if you had compromised on an item that cost less or was more easily available, but wasn't really what you wanted.

For example, it's better to spend £100 on a pair of shoes that fit you and are the exact colour and style you wanted, than spending £50 on a pair that is on sale but a tiny bit too small and not quite the right colour. You'll wear the first pair every day, and the second pair will languish in the back of the cupboard.

With regard to those earrings you asked about, they were $170 AUD, so about £80. I knew I wanted solid gold stud earrings, very tiny and subtle, but slightly more interesting than just a gold dot. Sarah and Sebastian is an ethical brand, made locally to me, and with great customer service. The little gold rhombus shaped earrings were exactly what I wanted, so it made sense to buy them even though technically I could have found some little gold earrings that were a bit cheaper elsewhere. It was worth it to buy the ones I really love, and I wear them several times a week.

I hope this rambling post made sense! Feel free to ask more questions, and we can all pool our wisdom and help each other out Smile

OP posts:
Winecheesesleep · 28/02/2020 11:46

Thanks so much for your detailed answers @wrinkledimplelover and @LavenderHills, I bloody love Mumsnet Grin

You're right in that I need to make it more personal to me and what would really suit me. I have struggled with that in the past but am getting a better idea of it now.

I know I used some pretty extreme T-shirt examples in my post and I doubt anyone on here would actually argue the Harrods top was worth £975, in fact I would be fascinated to talk to anyone who bought it to ask them that!

LavenderHills · 29/02/2020 01:33

@Winecheesesleep you're very welcome!

If you want to share the styles you like and that you think suit you, I'm sure posters would be happy to make suggestions.

OP posts:
LavenderHills · 29/02/2020 01:36

@MrsAmaro and @DarkMutterings Thanks for posting your thoughts on the tan Petite Parisian. It can be difficult to tell from a website if a colour is going to be nice.

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MrsAmaro · 29/02/2020 10:24

I think the website images are really true to the actual colour. Which as you say isn’t always the case!

chezbot · 29/02/2020 18:15

Lurking for inspiration. Thankyou