Your most batshit parenting moments?

[Hassled]

For some reason today I remembered the MNer years ago who confessed to squirting no-tears shampoo directly into her eye to make sure it really was no-tears before using it on her baby.

I think my equivalent is probably banning DH ( who seriously loves The Cure) from ever playing Boys Don't Cry in case the DSs grew up thinking boys don't cry. The ban was in place for a solid 15 years.

Anyone else looking back and wincing at themselves?

I also did the cooled boiled water and cotton wool for nappy changes with dc1. And no one was allowed to flush the toilet if she was sleeping (to be fair the layout of that flat did mean she would wake up if you did). Ds1 liked grapes, but not grape skins, so I would sit and peel them for him one by one!

The sleep deprivation with dc1 made me incredibly delirious at times. He said that I often woke in the night when dc was sleeping soundly in the crib next to me and pass him my hot water bottle for changing and burping. The routine was I would breastfeed, then DH would burp and change.

He said the light was on once and I was supporting the head of the "baby" and ever so gently passing it to him for a change. I became incredibly distressed once when he said that's not the baby, it's the hot water bottle. So in future he just went along with it and shushed me back to sleep

When DS was weaning, I turned into a physco health Hitler! I would spend twenty minutes plus standing in an aisle looking at every ingredient and working out the sugar content per mouthful On his first easter, I broke the one tiny egg I'd allowed him, having banned extended family from getting him any, into pieces and let him have one piece every five hours. Another time when he had started solids, I cried and raved at my mum when she admitted she has given him a squirt of ketchup with his meal.

I've chilled out a lot since then, but the ketchup and egg thing makes me curl up cringe everytime I think about it

Baby 1: made flash cards with letters and numbers on. He was 10 weeks old.

Baby 2: cried in the airport seeing exp off to work. DS was 11 days old and I had never been on my own with both DCs at that point. Was afraid I would get distracted by one and lose the other

Another one. When PFB DS went to my friends house for his first time overnight at four months, I wrote a five page essay on how to get him to go to sleep. She told me recently that at the time she glanced at it, saw the length then put it back in the bag without reading it 😂

I'm so glad others have had the ridiculous thought that a bird of prey may swoop down to carry baby away! I knew it was insane but I still thought about it.

I ADORE this thread, I remember laying on the sofa with layers of muslins over my face to ensure baby wouldn't suffocate. I'm sure there are many many more, children eh lol!

With my first DS I was terrified of bathing him in the actual bath because it was so big and he was so slippery when wet that I was convinced I’d drop him and he’d drown, so I always bathed him in the sink as I didn’t have a baby bath. This continued until he was 20 months, sturdy, walking confidently and also much too big for the sink! My mum came round and was in hysterics that I was still doing it. I stood outside the bathroom door sobbing while she gave DS his first proper bath. She came round every day that week to help me get used to doing it on my own. I was an idiot but I love my mum!

First born and when his dad went back to work after paternity I didn't know how to go to the toilet. I couldn't leave him asleep downstairs in the moses basket as you never leave a baby alone but I didn't want to wake him just so I could pee. So I held it in until he woke himself up. I told my partner and he looked at me like I was crazy. Surely he would have been ok asleep in a secure Moses basket for the one minute it would take to pee.

@KateK00 your mum sounds great!

One last post.... this post is bringing back some of my finest parenting moments.

I made my husband travel from London to Wales to stay in a holiday home because the property had a stair gate... it rained for 11 days.

I was banned from booking the holidays after that

Can this thread be moved to classics?

When dd was born, our first buggy outing happened to be a shopping centre. Part of me was astonished strangers weren't coming over to ooh and ahh over her. I just didn't understand how they weren't falling over themselves in amazement at her amazingness. They were all walking by!

I was just generally highly strung. I used an app to record all naps, feeds and nappies for far longer than needed. It was actually quite handy when dc2 came along to remember when dc1 dropped a nap etc.
Also useful for recording weight and jabs, so I still keep it and use v occasionally - not for making a note of every time they eat all/ most/some/none of their "steamed veggies" though!

Demanded a referral to ophthalmology for tiny toddler DS because I was absolutely certain that he was red-green colourblind, or possibly completely colourblind. My evidence for this was that he was pointing at all sorts of different coloured toys and saying 'reen!' so I thought he was seeing them all as green. Ophthalmology very kindly sent us away until he was old enough for their tests, and a few days later he marched over to a photo of himself, pointed at it and said 'Reen! Reen!' with a distinct tone of exasperation. Turns out that he was trying to say his own name when he pointed at his toys - not 'green car' but 'Rhidian's car'

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer I know, I really don’t deserve her!

I used an app to record wet/ dirty nappies, feeds (with different bits for breast milk and formula) and naps until ds was about 5 months old and my friend burst out laughing and made me send a screenshot to another friend.

I still (ds 17 months) have a sick baby app for when ds is unwell and I record his temperatures and medication given.

I made dh walk different sides of the pram depending on the sun in order to keep ds in the shade before we have a sun shade.

I still use a gro egg.

Ds has his own towel and I dont like using one DH or I have used.

I will accept and eat a bit of whatever chewed up, slimy and warm piece of foods ds offers me because I've read it's a way that toddlers show they love you.

Sucking snot out of DD’s nose with my mouth when she had a really bad cold as a newborn. She cried a lot anyway, then she couldn’t feed as she couldn’t breathe and cried even more. I did what I had to do to 😬

(Since I’ve seen you can buy something called sterimar - doh!)

DD had a very very strict nap schedule. In my defence, if it wasn't adhered to she was a nightmare and her night sleep would be worse, and it was me who dealed with it... but I was so het up about it. I thought it would get better when she only had one nap, but it didn't! She had to be in her cot at 11:20am, not 11:21. I left the room at 11:25, and she was supposed to be asleep by 11:30. If she was still awake at 11:32 I'd get really upset. It was the same for the bedtime routine, if I'm honest. She's 5 now and still likes her routine!

I was determined not to be like that with DS(16 months), and for the most part I'm not. But I do still like to get him in his cot "on time", and I feel the same anxiety rising when we're a bit late. Again, in my defence, it does take him a lot longer to fall asleep if he's late to bed/nap, but I no longer start wringing my hands when we get to 11:33!

I didn't have PND with either of them, and I wasn't particularly precious about anything... except for naps! They were both horrendous sleepers as babies (esp DD) and I think it made me feel like I was in control of it, in some way.

@CoodleMoodle you sound just like me!! “You nap between 12 and half one!! Why are you still awake at half 12!!”

No naps now - totally awesome.

slippyfeet - Thank you for your post... just yesterday I noticed that my 3 week old twins developed spots on their face after a feed. While I didn't go as far as making n emergency GP appointment, I did jump to the conclusion that it could be the first symptom of CMPA or lactose intolerance and have been keeping close eye. I'd never heard of milk spots - but having now looked it up, that's clearly what it is, so thank you!

(Reading this, you might assume these are my first babies. They're not )

Waking up in the night and being so sleep deprived I couldn't decide if the person next to me in bed was DH or newborn DD. I parted them a few times, but couldn't judge from the size of them... In the end I stroked their chin. It was stubbly. .

Then I had to 'find' DD (safely asleep in the crib).

patted

My first dc I bought one of those annabel karmel weaning books. I made every single thing that touched her lips myself from organic ingredients - she dined on things made with homemade stock, fancy bits of fish , organic fruit and veg.

For background I was 21 years old, living in a student flat (I graduated 4 weeks before dc was born) and our only source of income at the time was my DHs call centre job!. I was insane about “being a good mum” probable because everyone around me thought o wouldn’t be.

Dh and I had our 6th child 4 years ago and she was weaned on “mashed up whatever everyone else was eating”.

First time DD slept through - 8 weeks old - (didn't happen again for a loooooooooong loooooong looooong time) woke DH to tell him.

At 6AM.