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Original poster

DH's obsession or whatever. It's not normal is it.. what should I do?

510 replies

NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 19:25

Today there was a mix up at work with my shifts and I came home from work only 45 minutes after I'd left.

I found my DH of 7 years naked on the bed surrounded by all the stainless steel kicten implements that we possess and rubbing a knife sharpener gently up and down an intimate area of his body. He was very aroused. He even had pot pourii candles burning and soft lighting.

I knew something was amiss as soon as I came in because it was so quiet and I just had this intinct but I had been putting the bin out for tomorrow so came in through the conservatory and he didn't hear. I just opened the bedroom door (we live in a bungalow) and there he was.

I know its not another woman but what do I do about this. And the softlighting and stuff; he hasn't made that much effort with me for years.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever heard on this? A knife sharpener for goodness sake. I feel sick. Have obviously changed my name for this.

OP posts:
Renaissancewoman · 19/08/2007 22:24

our telly is broken - thankyou. do you do this regularly. i might cancel my TV licence direct debit

suwoo · 19/08/2007 22:24

Fuckin' fantastic been roffling all night!! Thanks also to the other hilarious posters (you know who you are)

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:25

That's why I put it on the behaviour thread Persephone.. it would have been wrong to put it on relationships.. and "DH's" behaviour was very ODD you have admit, all things considered.

Poor DH was actually asleep on sofa throughout.

Was lovely pretending to have a bungalow, and an office/garage and a conservatory. And a job!

katylui1 · 19/08/2007 22:27

You are a genius - have had no end of laughs - now taking the zester and DH to bed...

boo64 · 19/08/2007 22:27

Where did you get the idea for the deviant behaviour with the kitchen gear from!??

jaynehater · 19/08/2007 22:27

I hope for your sake no-one knows you and dh in rl, because wind-up royale or not, they're only ever going to trust you with plastic cutlery from now on

Lizzer · 19/08/2007 22:28

RW you scored a blinder with 'Ken would' though

I'm still reeling cos Shiny had me believing there is actually a translation website that translates what you think you heard in German into what is the correct English. How I wish that was true

Boredveryverybored · 19/08/2007 22:29

This is F*kin genius

I read first 1/4 of thread and very almost really pmsl!

Just jumped to end...do people seriously have kitchenware fetishes! LMFAO

Lizzer · 19/08/2007 22:31

And THAT rug...surely a bit of truth in that methinks? NO-ONE could've made that one up, eh shiny??

VictorKiam · 19/08/2007 22:31

Of course I have always found this kind of behaviour normal. 'I liked it so much i bought the company..' Except in this case the company was a very special friend who trimmed and trimmed all day long....

Aitch · 19/08/2007 22:31
Dior · 19/08/2007 22:31

Message withdrawn

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:35

No no.. honestly.. no kitchen ware fetish here. I don't even COOK! EVER!

Or issues with spunk on bedsheets.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 19/08/2007 22:36

I really thought it was greeny though

That is a complement

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:37

I know it is!

CantSleepWontSleep · 19/08/2007 22:38
Grin
katylui1 · 19/08/2007 22:42

Have to say I am relieved that I STILL don't know of anyone that wanks with a knife sharpener (wasn't pleased about adding that one to my repetoire of drunken dinner party stories!)

collision · 19/08/2007 22:44

OH this was sooooooooooooo funny!! I was glued all the way through but DH said it was a wind up!!

When he turned up in hosp pyjamas I got suspicious!!

So funny.

Well done you!!! Much more fun than last nights Mumsnet!!

mummymagic · 19/08/2007 22:51

Ah, knew it was a wind up but thought it was very very well written.

And actually hurt from laughing.

(although at one point I had doubts and started to suspect it was someone I knew. Who would probably tell the tale in the same amusing manner )

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:54

Hospital pyjamas were a mad detail that even surprised me..!

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:55

And I know less than nothing about brands. Had to google price comparison sites and pick the more expensive ones.

Clary · 19/08/2007 23:01

Hilarious thread shiny

Have been reading excerpts out to shocked Dh and err brother too....

(not sml's spunk in eye story tho...)

elkiedee · 19/08/2007 23:02

Thanks, the start of this thread really helped cheer me up.

gess · 19/08/2007 23:18

shiny I have tears streaming down my face from this; I called dh over for an intro to mumsnet; fantastic.

ShinyHappySchmooo · 19/08/2007 23:26

Oh God I'm just reading it through and I'm crying... (so yes cod people really DO cry on MN ) at some of the responses. I didn't laugh at the time.. just kept typing.. and making excuses for my absences (whilst googling brands, traslating etc) like the cat etc.

These have made tears pour down my face silently (am trying to be quiet as DS and DH watching a film.. sadly no pc in garage/office and another upstairs )..

"perhaps the cat is watching out for his stainless cat bowl?"
(IDoBeleiveInFairies)

"It's all too much...the husband was wanking over the milk pan, there was no mexican throw on the bed to catch the spunk which now I reaise I obviously need, mum may want a vol-au-vent so throw some spinach at me, the cat is watching the wanking husband pick out a utensil and now theres effing spunk over suede shoes.

Purple suede shoes? Really? Brain is having trouble computing... "

(Katyliu)

And of course SpecialMagicLady's spunk-in-the-eye story... PMSL