DH's obsession or whatever. It's not normal is it.. what should I do?

[NewSchmooo]

Today there was a mix up at work with my shifts and I came home from work only 45 minutes after I'd left.

I found my DH of 7 years naked on the bed surrounded by all the stainless steel kicten implements that we possess and rubbing a knife sharpener gently up and down an intimate area of his body. He was very aroused. He even had pot pourii candles burning and soft lighting.

I knew something was amiss as soon as I came in because it was so quiet and I just had this intinct but I had been putting the bin out for tomorrow so came in through the conservatory and he didn't hear. I just opened the bedroom door (we live in a bungalow) and there he was.

I know its not another woman but what do I do about this. And the softlighting and stuff; he hasn't made that much effort with me for years.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever heard on this? A knife sharpener for goodness sake. I feel sick. Have obviously changed my name for this.

Message withdrawn

Is the cat a clue??

How very dare you schmoo!

I'm for real.

I'm not Franny.

AAD, how's you arrrrrse? Did the wotsit on it grow back at all?

shinyhappy wotsit doodah???

I thank you

It's not ME

Shineyhappy etc etc??

no, i thank you.

brilliant thread. same time next week?

Just spent the last half an hour reading this thread, haven't laughed so much in ages... genius

Didn't expect anyone to fall for it though. Had no clue that people really get off on milk pans and the like!

Seriously thought the garlic press would give it away!

Apologies to the sympathetic posters!

I only guess that because the translation was SOOOOOO good

sorry norma, it was just your post about the foil on the other thread

LOL And huge round of applause

Oh and I believed you about the bad German google translation talent too

This has been the funniest thread EVER on MN! Please, please write a book!

Badly in need of some paracetemol for aching sides now but need to go into my newly fitted stainless steel kitchen now but somehow it feels tainted..

This has been one of the funniest things I have read in ages though

My arse is splendidly appendage free thanks schmoo!

Yeah.. doing the translation initiially and then making Schmooo pronounce it badly was the hard bit.. have no clue about German pronounciation! Thought that'd be a give away when I suddenly translated it back..

You have a gift.

Blue Marigolds.

DH thought I was having an asthma attack.

Well done

I put

"oh you sexy SEXY piece of steel! Give it to me.. give it to me NOW.. give it to me HARD! Oh! OH! I'm going to..." into the translater...

But didn't think Schmooo ought to remember it all word for word...!

Message withdrawn

Nice one shiny - today was a dreary drizzly day and you cheered us all up. More please!!

as regards the 'sympathetic posters' - i think you're all lovely. one of the things that first got me posting on mumsnet was the xmas presents thread - that people who didn't really know each other would go out of their way to make xmas special for other mners.

the fact that people believed shiny happy schmoooo - and wanted to offer advice doesn't mean they're daft for being caught out - it means they are lovely genuine folk who want to offer the benefit of their opinion.

thnk you schmoo/shiny. thank you sympathetic posters.

cocoa anyone? it's ok? i'll microwave it - no milkpan required./

pmsl, fantastic thread! Oh come on, own up.

Had to bring in the marigolds to make it more stupid.. lol.

I think it was just luck.. people must be bored and willing to play along on a Sunday eve..