I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Why do I keep taking my DFs advice when it turns out to be wrong or against how I feel? And why oh why did I trust him when he said this pregnancy wouldn't be as hellish as the previous one? (Its worse. Much worse)

Prosecco, you have answered your own question. Pissed is the perfect state to be in when your MIL visits

Also, DH says can you find him a job? He's in the design sector

Door Thigh's Relief is only for women and dogs.

Laska, which bin is being collected tomorrow? Food waste goes in the brown lidded bin. You'll find it next to the integral garage. Food waste, like dead bodies, should never be wrapped in plastic.
I'm afraid this will require a lot of effort, so have a long nap first.

This isn't the White Men's Reggae Club you know

I find it very concerning that your DF presumes to know the innermost workings of your womb, DeadDoor. Did you let him into your house as a "guest"? It seems Thigh is back, so she can provide a proper reference to a dictator.

Dead Door Nicolae Ceaușescu tried this womb control shizz and it didn't end well for him did it? Public hanging i believe. I'm incensed, give us your address. Cadre - Bring Rope!!

Getting you're on duty again. I need a nap.

thigh DH wasn't serious btw. He likes to do the search himself. Makes him feel better.

gettingsomewhere yeah... i dont know why i keep listening to DF. Maybe because my DM and DSM both got easier pregnancies as they went on. I just got worse Hyperemesis .

DeadDoor, surely if your DH is so good at design, he can design himself a new job?

Gettingsomewhere he's trying 😂😂😂

oh did i get a mention? i have a very specific skill set.

(has anyone mentioned pigs yet? they eat EVERYTHING. )

however in the absence of farm yard animals i would say the ingegral garage is key. and a rolled up carpet. buy a very old car.

panicking Hellen, when you say pigs eat EVERYTHING, they don't eat Fuckboys, do they?

DeadDoor, at the risk of upsetting my superior, I will help your DH ONE LAST TIME. I hear there's an up-and-coming market in Penisbeakers...

fat fuckboys ?

why do you think pigs are described at "greedy".... ?

Please remember Rule 3 of Thigh School:

No one is too fat or too thin

I have eaten the vegetables. I made some spicy peanut sauce to go with them, (even though I am not a veggie or a vegan).

This meant that I did have to stand up in the kitchen to cook them though .

I did it I because our food bin is green (we dont have a brown one so I got a bit confused) , and it a bit dark out there now

Will I be ok?
(I have had a glass of wine though )

how i managed to read fat fuckboys im not quite sure.....
can i put it down to the wine?

how the fuck did i read fat? i clearly need glasses. more glasses. not wine glasses.

so sorry! but yes pigs do have a reputation for eating - do you have a missing fuckboy getting?

i could despatch my dog to the case. except he is a bit of a big handsome useless lump really. (he isnt in the job....hes like a male model....beautiful to look at but not that much use really on a practical level)

And the cheese, Laska? What of the cheese?

It's ok, Hellen. I've just done a head count and they're all here. I need a nap after all this unnecessary panic

Cheese is still in the fridge..I could change the wine to red perhaps? Then I could eat some? But I am supposed to go to work tomorrow

Have the cheese as "Second Dinner" to make up for all the calories you wasted standing up and cooking "First Dinner". Drink both wines.

I'm not back I'm just correcting one of my diktats. I will help men but they have to ask for themselves not send their Handmaid forth.

I'm not having them sitting their grinning like Hirohito while the Burmese Railway gets built and not doing anything themselves. NO!

^^ there