I'm totally unreasonable. DH putting on a 'ill voice'.

[ThirdChildFourthPile]

I know, I know I'm being unreasonable. And I've told myself a million times but it's still winding me up. I'm actually avoiding him because of it.

I'm 7 months pregnant, we have two kids.
He had a vasectomy today so I'm juggling the kids and uni and hospital appointments with this baby while he rests his testicals.
This, I have no problem with at all. It's been a long time coming! And the more he rests now, the better he will heal.

But the ill voice he is putting on is like nails down a black board.
He used to do it years ago, I haven't heard him 'put on' a voice in years. He used to put on this faint, wobbly voice whenever he had any ache or pain or cold. My sympathy used to instantly shrivel up.

Now he's putting on this small, high pitched little boy voice and it grates on my so much.
It's like pouring salt on my sympathy for his testicals. I really wish he wouldn't do it!

So I need to get it out here in this safe space where I can name change and move on.

Emailed this to DH. His response:

“I’d ask which comments relate to me, but ouch.....all of it!”

This is why I never ever mention when I feel unwell unless I have to stay in bed (very rare). I mentioned once that I had stomach cramps and suddenly DH did too and had what I had. I was having my period

If I am ill I am accused of faking it if I don't 'sound' ill!

Have nominated this for Classics, on behalf of all suffering wives (and ex wives).

Oh. The 'I'm so tired I can barely open my eyes enough to drive.' Followed rapidly by loud, successive yawns. And then. The worst. The very worst. Inhaling and exhaling through his teeth. Long and loud. Whilst picking me up after my 13 hour workday.

He had been reading up on car leasing and it fried his brain.

Poor lovey 💐💐💐💐💐

Mumsnet don't seem keen on this going into classics despite the nominations.
I wonder if it's because they don't want to be seen as man-hating. Or whether it just doesn't reach the realms of Classics yet.

Either way, I'm glad it's been amusing it certainly has for me.

I note that a lot of these men are ex's.
Some of them are awful though, I'm not surprised at all. The plucky cup and different voices for different situations and referring to themselves as 'poorly'. Yuck.

Arrgggh!! The Voice.....can't bear it. And the Dead Man's Shuffle.

My dad has always done this too and he's now 86 and had Parkinsons so maybe has an excuse, apart from the fact mum can hardly walk with arthritis and a crumbling spine Whatever she gets, he gets a man-version of it 24 hours later - back pain, stomach pain, head ache, the lot. If she hadn't been through the menopause years ago I'm sure he'd get PMS too. When I visit and ask mum how she is, she'll just laugh, shrug and say 'I'm OK'. When I ask dad he actually tells me in detail and even gets a pouty lip.

With both DH and DF I have learned to use a brisk and breezy Matron voice and say' 'Oh dear, that IS a shame', smile sympathetically and change the subject.

I confess to being a bit heartless though. I'm not massively better with my children but my excuse is that having looked after three children for a total of 45 child years my Invalid Nurturing Gland has been depleted to an alarming extent.

If I am ill please just leave me along with my book and some peace. That is all I need.

This thread is hilarious!

My DH is always met with a shut down when he starts this shit. And he always responds with the same line "oh yes, that's right, I'M not allowed to be sick am I?? You win at the suffering of life ...."

Well if it's a competition ye I win. And no you are not allowed a free pass to do jack shit - less than you usually do! Just because you have a sore head and a cough!

Christ Pudding do we share an ex 😟

Please tell me there isn't more than one like that in the world😐

DH is between dressing gown of dooms, as the last one got too tatty and too tight. I’m glad, because seeing him sat with his legs spread in it makes me come over all Hyacinth Bucket.

He always gets whatever someone else has - you know, you say “I’ve got a bit of a headache” and he immediately starts clutching his head despite no previous mention of one, but now he’s had one “all day”.

O God. The Dressing Gown Leg Spread. God help me.

You cannot compare a vasectomy with a section. Although I don't think my mil got this.

Csection.

My DH had a chest infection and was going for an Oscar, the voice, protruding tongue etc and berating me for not caring.

Except my dad had just died from heart attack/amputation/pneumonia/MRSA. I also was f/t to a 10 month old (CS, exclusively BF) who never slept longer than 2 hours day or night.

DH said he was dying. 

I said 'you better had be because, if you survive, I will kill you'.

He looked.

Shocked.

I seem to have lost my emojis.

Mine has an ill voice, an Ill walk and Ill breathing
Really grinds my gears

@PhannyMcNee

I'm not going to write about Ex, except we always knew when he was feeling crap.

OP, have you asked him to check that they didn't accidentally snip his vocal cords? That they got the right end of him?

This sort of thing drives me nuts.

My ex was a chronic hypochondriac. Me and a friend were talking about the late diagnosis of ovarian cancer one day, and how the symptoms can be mistaken for other things, like IBS. He looked shocked and piped up "The doctor thinks I've got IBS, it might be ovarian cancer".

Like a twat, I pointed out that was unlikely, given that he didn't have any actual ovaries, instead of telling him to get an emergency appointment and ask to be tested for ovarian cancer.

I'd have gladly gone to that appointment with him, just to see his face when the GP explained.

I was also responsible for his haemorrhoids, apparently. He reckoned they were caused by the stress of living with me, and refused to accept that he couldn't ^be a perfect arsehole AND have^ a perfect arsehole.

”...he couldn't be a perfect arsehole AND have a perfect arsehole...”

Not for lack of practice, I assume, @LakieLady!

My (thankfully) Ex-h indulged in competitive illness. If I was ill or exhausted he was even more ill and exhausted even though I worked full-time. did all the caring for DS and did all the cooking.

He used to take to his bed wrapped in the navy blue dressing gown of doom. Absolute twunt...

When my exh has a chest infection, which he gets every time he has a cold because he smokes, he rings me up and several times during the conversation will cough loudly, with added phlegm, into my ear, a cough that can last for several seconds and tbh sounds pretty brutal.

He never moves the phone away from his mouth so I get the full blast of it; it's not pleasant.

I think he does it to let me know how brave he's being still being in his office when he's clearly so close to death. All he gets from me is a lecture on not smoking.

I'm just glad he's 80 something miles away and I won't be using the phone after him.

I have found my people! So good to to know that there are other pathetic DHs out there!

Low point for my darling was either the time he claimed his face was a bit sore when I was whacked out on painkillers and still in agony with trigeminal neuralgia. Or the time he sat with the two cancer patients complaining about a sniffle. Hilariously, one of these cancer patients evicted him 😂

Didn’t teach him anything. He’s still a bloody drama king when it comes to illness.

These are my favourite MN threads

DP is The Hypochondria King. He owns a Dressing Gown of Doom (DGOD), also The Grey Airline Blankie of Misery and The Slippers of Pity.

I agree entirely with the pp who pointed out that one day there really will be something properly wrong with them and their loving partners will no longer give a shit due to years and years and years of listening to the daily whining about sore throats, hurty fingers, snotty noses, ouchy eyes and mysterious back pain -get off the fucking sofa once in a while you lazy get.

. . . . refused to accept that he couldn't be a perfect arsehole AND have a perfect arsehole.

Oh dear - I think I've wee'd myself . . .

The Slippers of Pity

Sorry to correct you, but this is important :

Slippers of SELF-Pity.

As you were . . .