I'm totally unreasonable. DH putting on a 'ill voice'.

[ThirdChildFourthPile]

I know, I know I'm being unreasonable. And I've told myself a million times but it's still winding me up. I'm actually avoiding him because of it.

I'm 7 months pregnant, we have two kids.
He had a vasectomy today so I'm juggling the kids and uni and hospital appointments with this baby while he rests his testicals.
This, I have no problem with at all. It's been a long time coming! And the more he rests now, the better he will heal.

But the ill voice he is putting on is like nails down a black board.
He used to do it years ago, I haven't heard him 'put on' a voice in years. He used to put on this faint, wobbly voice whenever he had any ache or pain or cold. My sympathy used to instantly shrivel up.

Now he's putting on this small, high pitched little boy voice and it grates on my so much.
It's like pouring salt on my sympathy for his testicals. I really wish he wouldn't do it!

So I need to get it out here in this safe space where I can name change and move on.

[Middersweekly]

Agree with OP this would grit my shit!
And to the person who tried to compare a c-section to a vasectomy. What planet do you actually live on? One is major abdominal surgery and the other is a minor 5 minute procedure involving 2 tiny cuts. Grow up!
If my DH started with a baby voice and dressing gown clad shuffle he would get a flip flop around the head!

[thenewaveragebear1983]

At least your husband will actually have the vasectomy. Mine claims it’s ‘too embarrassing’ - what, more embarrassing than having every student midwife in Worcestershire called in to witness your incredible unbreakable waters??

He does the ouchy voice when we even discuss the ‘big V’ and I’m not pregnant, but if I was to become pregnant again then so help me god I’d get down there and snip the damn tube myself.

[SchadenfreudeUndeadified]

OH's nuts looked like aubergines when he was done. He had a day off so I made him go up the ladder and chainsaw the conifers.....cant waste a day off!

You are a credit to us all bonanza!

[BitOfFun]

I had an ex who would do The Voice, and insist that I call his workplace like I was his bloody mother. It was embarrassing.

[FesteringCarbuncle]

I had a pathetic ex. We were close to splitting up when he went to bed with a cold. I was downstairs and he started banging. I ignore for a bit then he shouted as loud as you can with a pathetic voice
I went up and he said he was having a heart attack, clutching his chest, hanging over the side of the bed. I rang 999 and a first responder then GP came. He farted loudly and stinkily and was fine. The GP was furious and it was the final nail in the coffin for me

[PerspicaciaTick]

My 2 DCs are a bit ill today. I am also a bit ill. I have been to work today (snottiness and aches developed this afternoon) and DH has been home with the DCs blobbing about on screens. The DCs and I are now snuggled under blankets while DH wanders in occasionally with a face like a slapped arse because he thinks we want to infect him. Dear God, he is whiny enough when I'm ill, I really don't want the full horror of him feeling poorly too.

[penisbeakers]

Oh come ON @Mumsnet this totally belongs in classics!

[PurplePenguins]

DS1 is the opposite. Doesn't make a fuss and keeps going until he is literally carried off in an ambulance but DS2 and DS3, OMG, they are dying from a sniffle. The little boy voice (although not mastered the shuffle yet) aarrgghhh. DS2 had a operation on his testicles a couple of years ago age 19 and acted like a 2 yo. Unfortunately DS4 is learning the voice. You have my sympathies OP xx

[penisbeakers]

Aha it has been moved!

[Fiderer]

I posted ^^ about ex h doing the Voice, DGOD, scarf, sofa. And asking for tea with rum in it. Till I offered to get his mummy as she might be better than the rummy.

Bizarrely when he had a vasectomy he was all stoic although in pain and when his parents visited the next day he was "All fine" - no DGOD or theatrics.

My son is resting a sprained foot tendon and I've been bringing him tea and food upstairs. He jokingly started "Muuumm..." so I told him about The Voice . He then thought I was joking because it was so ridiculous and couldn't believe anyone would do the whole dramatic act. Then said "Wait, I remember dad on the sofa." And is now calling " Muuummm, I'm doing The Voice because my foot hurts" and laughing. And then asking quite normally for a drink.

[Boobsarenotloadbearing]

I would be asking him (with quite some concern lol) if they did it wrong and removed his testicles as the change in his voice is very odd and that must be the cause....

I have had a lot of surgery (major surgery and minor) so I am sure he is tender but you don't need to put on a stupid voice to show you are in pain (also to be honest if he were in that much pain he would not be thinking about putting on a voice)

[drumandthebass]

I have no time for this kind of nonsense from my DH (or my children come to think of it)

1 year ago DH was being a drama queen complaining of being short of breath and generally being pathetic complaining. I just kept saying there was nothing wrong with him. Anyway, long story short, turns out he had clots on both lungs. I still feel so bad and he claims I was trying to kill him.

[svalentine60]

Crikey what a man hating thread. If he feels unwell he feels unwell and i'm sure if you did you'd soon have him running round after you. Have some sympathy. YABU

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

We don’t hate the poor men, @svalentine60 - but we do find the over-dramatic performance illing that some of them do amusing and bloody irritating at one and the same time. You could try to discern that, or you could try to shut things down by (overdramatically) implying we are all nasty man hating meanies. Your choice, hun!

[Ellyess]

ThirdChildFourthPile. My late H (not dh, even though late), wouldn't even have the snip. He was furious with me for our third pregnancy even though he knew I had to stop taking the pill and was not using anything else as I'd been too ill - but he had to have his marriage rights and refused to use condoms. I felt the only solution was to have sterilisation myself. Anyway, I started Legal Separation proceedings.

Yes, if they have anything, it is a major matter. I nearly died twice in childbirth. Was he concerned? No -he was angry with me because he was kept waiting in the waiting room for an hour and nobody came to him. And the "poor me" voice? I had to bring him home after a Gastroscopy with intra-veinus valium and he was whining all the time and complaining about the car being bumpy. I had to drive myself to the hospital for the same investigation and was not allowed the sedation on account of being alone, so just had to do it, drive home and get on with it. I had a partial thyroidectomy and he made me walk about a mile to the car because he would not pay the hospital parking fee to pick me up. I could hardly manage to walk down the ward! He strode on ahead and was so far away I could not tell where he was.

I have a low opinion of men being "ill". Milking it? Does not touch it. Totally selfish. Unable to think of anyone else, ever. The morning after his first baby had screamed all night, he left the house and a neighbour I hardly knew rushed me with the baby to the hospital. She was kept in for a week.
When we find out how to make babies without them many men will be cast adrift.

[SchadenfreudeUndeadified]

Ellyess

What an awful time you have had! I'm so sorry you were stuck with such a selfish prick.

His behaviour puts my DH's "I'm-so-poorly" voice into perspective. I hope your life is much happier and more fulfilling now.

[ScrambledSmegs]

I bought this for DH one Christmas as a joke (he's an avid consulter of Dr Google), I didn't mean it unkindly but he seemed to change his M.O. from DGOD and deaths door whimpering to stoicism and a refusal to admit he had a cold for several months.

Shame it didn't last really.

[Ellyess]

Boobsarenotloadbearing Brilliant name! I love that you said:

"I would be asking him (with quite some concern lol) if they did it wrong and removed his testicles as the change in his voice is very odd and that must be the cause...."

It did cross my mind too but I was just overwhelmed with the memories of the selfish bastard I had to deal with.

svalentine60 I think it's just that the subject brings responses from people like me who have suffered the worst kind of men. When you've been through a lot yourself and he is milking something which is worthy of sympathy and being looked after, but he's going too far, well, it reminds people like me of the terrible times we went through!

I'm sure there must be some decent men around though! Actually my dear Dad was really lovely, very long-suffering and uncomplaining.

[Dacresmallwilly]

Fist bump sista. Mine does it too. The knob.

[LexieLulu]

My DH will always do one better... his cough is a chest infection, he sneezes he's allergic to our cats (he's not)

I had a really long labour, and I overheard him on the phone tell someone how hard it was for him to go that long without sleep?! 😂

Do hard done by!

[Ellyess]

SchadenfreudeUndeadified. Oh thank you! That's so kind of you and also so thoughtful to answer so quickly. Yes he was a very twisted and nasty individual. I've learned he was a "covert narcissist". He committed suicide in the end but even arranged things to happen to me after that which would affect me for the rest of my life, such as money issues. Some people are sick but not in the health sense, just twisted and evil. I can't understand why people are like that.
I'm on my own now as youngest has just left the nest so I suppose I have to leave Mumsnet but I love it here! Everyone is sooo lovely and really funny and I learn so much. It's brilliant!
Being on my own is great! No one to moan at me or have to run around after.. A bit lonely sometimes but I am busy. Thank you so much for your kind words and flowers.
I wondered, regarding your DH, did his mother fuss over him when he was unwell as a boy? (sorry if I missed this in the thread).

[Celticrose]

Dh has his vasectomy when I was 36 weeks pg with dc4. I was the very best nurse I could be (which isn’t saying much but I tried). This included daily checks of the stitches.

Dc4 was 2 week early and very quick meaning I had a rather large tear up to my bum. After a couple of days reprieve I was again asked to check his stitches as they were uncomfortable. I did and again tried my very best to be a patient and caring nurse.

I then asked dh to check my stitches. I was never again asked to look at his wink

This made me chuckle

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

oh my god just remembered another one. I'm sure I blocked it because otherwise I would have had to divorce the man I love the mostest.

In labor, contractions had been ongoing and steadily worsening for 48 hours and I knew it was time to get a move on. DH and my DM (who came to stay to help once baby arrived) had quite a few pre-baby's-head-wetting drinks the night before. Of course, I had not had a wink of sleep, while he snored loud whisky snores for several hours. Woke them all at 5:30 a.m. and said it is time to go. DH looked pathetic, and said "but I will need to eat something or I'll never be able for this." DM readily agreed, and made him a lovely bowl of porridge. Which he ate slowly and steadily, asked for 'just a bit more" and then got ready to leave the house. I wanted to hit him in the head with the boiling pot. My DM deserved a quick smack while I was at it!

Poor love. Got to keep his strength up.

[SchadenfreudeUndeadified]

I'm on my own now as youngest has just left the nest so I suppose I have to leave Mumsnet but I love it here!

Most certainly you do not have to leave !!!!!

There are non-mothers (and even non-women ie men) on here and all are welcome.

Your late H must have been a really malicious and vindictive individual to do a thing like that. I've always felt great pity for people who have felt so hopeless that they have taken their own lives - but not when they have deliberately taken that extreme action as a way of ruining the lives of others.

I can't even begin to imagine how you (and your children) must have been affected by his spite. He sounds like some twisted domestic Hitler, with his suicide being more related to his own arrogance and egotism - he obviously did it to 'teach you a lesson".

I'm glad that you aren't letting his malice ruin the rest of your life - you are now a free and independent woman AND CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!

Go for it, girl!

[Sissyjd]

Ellyess let you into a secret never had kids but still on mumsnet as it's utterly brilliant so please don't leave 🌹
Jusr started new relationship already gad to buy couple boxes if max strength cold flu tabs n packets if tissues with the instructions 'please use these...just PLEASE TAKE THE DRUGS' couldn't stand the faux manning up " I'm fine I don't take tablets! (dramatic coughing spluttering..groan my heads exploding... splutter I can't breathe) sans medication....he's 47. Sigh...