People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

I think this lady in the hedges should have known something was amiss when her hedgerow loverboy started wearing Roundup as aftershave.

@TornFromTheInside you are the best 😂

I can only work with the material given to me, and this thread is class!

I've still got to get my Mons Venus Fly Trap pun in yet ;-)

I don't want to put any blame on eurgh for what goes on in her lady garden, but...
I just can't fathom why her garden is so appealing to lovers - can you?

I'm wondering if this might be a suitable gift for eurgh's lady garden?

Needs very little tending to!

Ooooh, imagine if Tasha sat on that by accident

A burning bush sounds very painful.

oh it is @PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks

I don't think I've fully recovered from that night with Sellafield Sally. She gave a whole new meaning to the term 'afterglow'.
I had a burning sensation for a full week, but at least I could pee in the dark.

Maybe some shag-preventing planting you know, pricky, dense foliage that kind of thing.

What about a big row of these instead of your hedge? Surely more effective by far?

Er, no, not a good idea give the proclivities of Tash and Gaz.... I should have known these were all wrong; they're known in many parts as 'dildo cactus', I kid you not...

As you were.

Prickly not pricky. Clearly a Freudian slip!

Wouldn't want to slip onto one of those...

Isn't a Freudian slip when you say one thing but mean your mother?

😂

Could be some kind of silky undergarment... Tash probably has one.

Any more goings on in the hedge of sexyness?

Do you have the passcode to the secret hedgewatcher's society?
If not, then no.

You have to be invited, after an initiation. I'm sworn to secrecy, but I'm still awaiting the return of my y-fronts.

It's now officially an underground thread.
You've heard of sex in the city? well... this is sex in the sewers.

Literally underground.

Hiya, eurgh here by a different name. Nothing to report, it's all been very quiet in my hedgerow of late. Which is good, but also disappointing in a weird way 🤷‍♀️

They literally came and went!

@TornFromTheInside
Do you have the passcode to the secret hedgewatcher's society?
If not, then no.

You have to be invited, after an initiation. I'm sworn to secrecy, but I'm still awaiting the return of my y-fronts.

It's now officially an underground thread.
You've heard of sex in the city? well... this is sex in the sewers.

Literally underground.

LOVE THIS, TORN!

You love sex in the sewer?
I'm keeping my manhole covered!

My manhole is always covered!!

😂😂😂😂

Wonder if this underground sex leaves them feeling flushed, or totally drained?

Let’s hope Tasha’s DH never walks home!

Gazza and Tasha, romancing with glee,
TheRealNotDog said, "Nice night for it, G".

Pants half-mast, they shuffle to relocate,
NDN cries, "Gazza, that you, old mate?"

"This place is full of pervs" the lovers moan,
"Coitus interrupted twice..No oats sown!"

TheRealNotDog's hedge now unmolested,
Her noctural peace, reigns uncontested.

For G & T Mumsnet will be wistful
Pining for more liaisons al frisko.

We wish them well in some new Lover's Dell,
Will G & T last? Time alone can tell.