AIBU to think that if you hate animals you shouldn't move to the countryside?

[shiklah]

I live in a very rural community which has become popular with commuters in the last 5 years. Over the last 18 months the following complaints have featured heavily on the local WhatsApp and Facebook groups:

Cows blocking the road for 10 mins (they do this twice a day and have for hundred of years as they go in for milking)
Escapee sheep roaming the verges and traffic islands
Cockerels crowing
Church Bells

Our neighbours moved in Jan 2016 and have built a conservatory overlooking our field. They have complained:

A ram was tupping ewes in the field
Many Sheep gave birth in the field
A sheep had a prolapsed and was attended by the vet in the field (the vet delivered 2 healthy lambs, revived them and saved the ewe, it was awesome and brilliant and they are all healthy and happy but apparently it spoiled mothers day breakfast)
A fox killed a rabbit and ate it in our field
A ferral cat lives in the hedge at the side of our field
A sheep pooed when Mr Neighbour was eating breakfast

Th least one was reported to me at 7pm this eve when I was getting out of my car at the end of a 60 hour working week. He DROVE to my house to tell me a sheep pooed in his view whilst he was eating breakfast in his conservatory that he built, overlooking my field, that has been their since before my house was built, in 1762. I literally don't know know what to say to these idiots any more. AIBU to simply laugh in their faces and move on with my day

I have had wine and am feeling frazzled

My friend was reported to the RSPCA by someone who decided she was abusing her horse

Horse was out in his field wearing a fly rug and fly mask as he struggles terribly if he gets bitten by horseflies.

People are stupid

Didn't someone on MN have a neighbour that used an inflatable sex doll as an Xmas decoration?

That might have been me, when I was a student, but it was my flatmates not my neighbours . She sat atop the Christmas tree like an oversized pornographic fairy, the top of the tree poking inside one of her holes. I can't imagine it was very comfortable.

If I still had it I'd post it to you

What's tupping?

Shagging.

But often (?always) the ram has a sort of coloured chalk / dye on his chest that rubs off on the ewe, the colour is changed by the farmer so they know which ewe has had a visit from mr ram and enjoyed herself.

But sometimes ewes have 2-3 colours - I feel I should explain this to OPs Mr Neighbour so he can also complain about some of the sheep being hussies.

Townie but lived near farmland and had it hammered in to me that the dog, who always walked to heal and when she once caught a rabbit sat down to lick it HAD to be on a lead when going near a field.

Buy a peacock . Noisy feckers ! And some geese

This might be useful:

@RIPWalter gosh what a beauty

Shockers a flat out horse does look dead. I often approach one of mine. Calling name and thinking they are dead just for an ear to flickers when I am a foot away. They are prey animals Fgs. Best of mine teenage lads at a gate one says to other i don't know what the others are but that one is definitely a llama. She is a donkey.

Gerda genius!!

This is hilarous! My friend is a farmer and has suffered similar idiotic complaints. When they complain about one of her animals doing something like making noise she just asks them which one it was and then says no problem I will have a word and ask them not to do it again

"Oh, and you can also get sheep sex dolls"

I know this because a boy at school had one

DH has been and pulled all the thistles/nettles up and dug up all the reeds today. We're waiting for a complaint about spores/seeds spreading.....

that sign is fantastic

OP, you need your very own Pinto. They’ll freak the fuck out! 😆

m.youtube.com/watch?v=iJR7xXBt0Jg

Sorry, wrong one.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=EGrRRQmZnFw

I used to have an English Bull Terrier. I remember a trio of townie teens looking at her as she peered through the gate and trying to decide what she was. It didn't help that she rarely wagged her tail and the face was expressionless but she was a real character in reality. One was adamant she was a rabbit and another thought she was a guinea pig even though she was 22 kilos. The third said it was a type of dog and the other two remonstrated with him for thinking that. I was listening from behind my kitchen door an wetting myself laughing.

There was a sheep knocking around up here recently with the word TWAT painted on his side. Possible option?

Or you could make it more fun by spelling something out - one letter per sheep. Let them work it out. Sheep scrabble. That'll take their minds off the tupping and shitting during breakfast.

Ok here is the 5 point plan:

1. move manure heat to o/s their conservatory
2. accuse Mr N of voyeurism
3. Create a distinctive 'cock n balls' farm tag for the sheep and leave DH and DS to do the marking
4. make a terrifying and/or obscene scarecrow
5. Arrange for a rescue donkey or 20 to be shipped here from Greece, train them to bray all night and play dead all day

Any more

Loving the ideas so far, too tired to think of any myself mind

@Bambamber

I quite understand your neighbour. I'm currently quite traumatized by two wood pigeons shagging outside my mother's living room window. It's putting me right off my beer and Countryfile.

I really think you need half a dozen geese. Mr Arsehole Neighbour will never dare come near you again.

BTW can anything be done for the cat? Is it definitely feral rather than a stray?

YANBU. What a pair of twats. That's like moving onto a main road and constantly complaining about traffic, or moving next to a school and complaining about kids.

There were ladybirds shagging in my front garden this morning. They have no shame!

there are some brilliant suggestions on here!

We had neighbours companing about the cows mooing at night and keeping their children awake. Comments included, "They must be taking their calves away - it's so cruel!" (it's a beef herd with the calves reared at foot, so highly unlikely) and, "Can't the farmer move them to another field and barn further away from the houses?" Yeah, right, give me half an hour and I'll get right on it. Because, you know, we've got all these unused barns all over the place, and moving an entire herd is such a trivial exercise. The cattle were there for years before the housing...

Sleeping and sunbathing. Fortunately, his field is off the beaten track, so I don’t get panicked passers by telling me my horse is dead!

I can empathise OP.
We live very rurally and the family business is butchery.

One of our rivals actually has a cold room with a window to the street and generally have a couple half cows hanging in there - the number of disgusted comments that are made by folk is unreal. Same folk happily trot off to Tesco for some bacon and a few burgers