As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

[oohnarna]

I am ready for your questions!

I will do my best to answer, I have a few bits I am doing at home but will answer regularly throughout the evening as much as I can.

Lila - I am sure the FD would have tucked it round making it all cosy and comfy xxx

We have Moses baskets for the little ones before they go on their final journey x

Embalming is where a chemical is used to help preserve the body.

Can ashes be buried in a coffin? I have my daughter’s ashes at home but want them to be buried with me so it would be a double burial at the same time with only one coffin. Would that be ok? Would her ashes be checked to make sure or confirm that is what they are or would she be left alone in her urn and tucked in with me?

Qod - so sorry you went through that. I am not sure on the hospitals processes with ID unfortunately. Sorry I cannot help xx

Can I ask you to detail what happens when someone dies at home , an expected death and the family ring you ? This is something that occurs quite often in my job and I would like to have a bit of knowledge of the other side of things. I always try to tidy people up so they look presentable in case other family members are going to visit to pay their respects .I always talk to them and handle them as though they are still with us. One thing I have always wondered is how long from the family ringing you is it until you come to collect the deceased person ?

my brother died, my mum was in sickness benefit art he time. she couldn't get help.
she ended up in £3500 worth of debt that took her 10 years to pay off.
left her with many mental health problems thanks to grief, depression, anxiety and stress.

screw that.
I'll be making it known I want no fuss at all. Chuck me in the canal with a breeze block tied to my boots. don't want my family saddled with debt.. but then I'll plan my own and put for it.

Do we get the correct ashes? How does the crematorium assure this? What about cross contamination?

Following.

What proportion of funerals have open coffins, in your experience?

Also, have you ever arranged for a body to be waked at home?

Hi mummy - and others who have been asking about ashes and cremation - you may want to have a look at this thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3264486-crematorium-technician-here?msgid=78311481

@Ilovekermit kindly answered many queries and @oohnarna joined in and it was suggested that a FD thread may be of interest too

Can I ask about not embalming? If this isn’t done how long would the body last (I presume you have cold storage and just get the body out for viewing)
I recently went to see my grandparent who had been dead for three weeks and had been embalmed, but not for a few days after death in hospital. He looked perfect, obviously dead but just perfect. I presume this would not be the case had he not been embalmed?
I think I want a woodland burial. Would this mean I could not be embalmed? Thanks for this thread, like the crematorium one I think it will be really helpful

Thanks ooh, I’d probably like a wee service

[Not asking for sympathy]

The FD who buried my Dh was pretty awful, mainly because he didn't listen. Having said that, he was brilliant at the ceremonial walk in front of the car which was a lovely moment. What are your favourite parts of the job, and which do you think you are best at? Do you delegate other bits?

Fascinating stuff thanks for this thread

Something I read up thread remind me of something. When my Nan died we went to view the body in funeral home and it smelt strongly of what I thought was bad damp. But after seeing another poster I twigged this was probable decomposition

I remember being confused at the time as this was very respected FD and well thought of and I just though was obviously just run down. Is it normal for there to be a strong smell? Are they not kept in cold storage at FH? Or after a week is there always going to be some smell?

Buried all GP so next funerals would be parents and like to be more clued up.

An expected death at home would mean the family would first call the GP (or a medical practitioners who treated then in the last 14 days) and they would certify the death. The family then call the FD and we would come and bring them back into our care at a time preferred by the family.

Then the family would register the death and bring a certificate issued by the registrar to the FD and make funeral arrangements.

When my mother died I was barred from any involvement in her funeral, by the funeral director, although she had asked me to arrange it. The funeral director point blank refused to meet me or even speak to me on the phone, because he said my brother (abroad at the time) was his client, not me. However he met my other brother, and still refused to speak to me. It was devastating to me, and still causes me palpitations years later. What was going on?

No open coffins at all on funerals here. Open coffins in chapel of rest prior to funeral though.

Sorry, I’m using “funeral” (probably incorrectly) to refer to the whole period of funeral service/lying in repose beforehand.

Someone posted earlier about certain religions and quick funerals.

It's pretty easy to sort really as they do not have all the extras other funerals have. Plus they do a lot themselves.

It can be hard pulling a team together at short notice if we are busy though. Or if they pass away of the weekend or bank holidays.

Muslim and Jewish Funerals for example are expected to be the next day.

Is it true that after death, all the orifices of the body are stoppered? And if so, how And why?

Would you recommend going to see a loved one at the mortuary? my dm always says she regrets seeing loved ones after as they should be remembered ‘alive’ I’m never sure what to think as haven’t been in this situation before.

Karyatide, you asked about family members being the celebrant rather than professionals: we've done that now for the last three family funerals and much preferred it to a vicar or speaker we didn't know. The secret is finding a family member to MC the whole thing (sorry for the flippant tone) without breaking down crying. In our case it was an uncle who knew the deceased well but wasn't a blood relative, so he had a bit of distance. Having said that, my aunt did the eulogy for her mum's funeral and it worked well. Then a number of family members stood up to essentially tell family stories about the deceased, interspersed with their face music. It's an immensely personal way to do a funeral because it means so much to everyone involved. If you think you can do the talking without breaking down, then you won't regret it. I know I couldn't for my mum's funeral as I was too upset, but at my gran's I was fine with doing a speech.

Sorry for your loss, and I hope it works well whatever you decide to do.

Barefoot me - this happens often. The FD was correct unfortunately for you. We can only take instruction from our client. The client will generally be the person who registers the death and therefore has the certificate required.

WARNING - GRAPHIC CONTENT!!

When my MIL died, she wasn’t found for a couple of months (she was a recluse and didn’t keep in touch with anyone). We were told she was not viewable due to the state of decomposition. When we cleared out her flat, there was a large stain on the bedroom carpet where she would have been found and I will also never forget the smell. It seemed to live on my skin and the back of my throat for weeks afterwards.

I suppose my question is, what happens in such circumstances with regards to removal of the remains? Do you have to follow any special procedures?