As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

[oohnarna]

I am ready for your questions!

I will do my best to answer, I have a few bits I am doing at home but will answer regularly throughout the evening as much as I can.

Clare the witch - yes you can. You have to get authorisation. I have done burials in peoples back gardens before.

Some FDs embalm all bodies. Most don't. It's nicer to offer choice to families. Plus sometimes it just isn't possible. Embalming in UK is not like American embalmings by the way.

What is direct crem? I know I definitely want cremated but haven’t heard of this before

Direct to crem usually means no hearse, no service, just taken respectfully to the crem and cremated.

hello again - I know you're swamped with questions! The other thread (ilovekermit) spoke about "talking" to their deceased. Is this something that you do routinely and does it come naturally?

What's the difference between American and UK embalming? Can a body be viewed by family if not embalmed? After how long would a body not be viewable?

Oh this is a very interesting. I learnt a lot during Dying Matters week a few weeks ago. Lots of info on the Dying Matters website too if anyone wants to have a look.

Thank you.

If my family move from here in the future, would they have to move me or would I stay in the woods? (the woods are an extension of my garden)

Lilmad I think what happened was because your relative had been at home for a long period, natural detention would have happened and of course by the time of your relative getting to FD naturally nature taking its course would have progressed further. There is not much an FD could have done. However I would have recommended the coffin being, you can still have a nice experience in the chapel saying your good byes - maybe with some photos and favourite music playing.
So sorry for your loss and for not having a nice experience in the chapel xxxx

@oohnarna, the FD changed every time I had to speak to them about the funeral arrangements, they didn't open some days and on the days they did open it wasn't until midday or later. My relatives decaying body was found on a Thursday, I knew from that day he was in a state (the coroner sent me a letter detailing explicitly about bloating and skin slippage) but I was told he was sealed in the coffin with silicon, should it have been so bad? It was 12 days between relative being found and viewing the coffin.

When my aunt died, as the coffin was being closed, her family asked for her rings so they could be passed on when her daughters married etc. They couldn't slide them off her fingers so the family were told to wait outside & that they'd be taken off before the coffin was closed. Few mins later the coffin was closed & the rings were off. How did they get the rings off? I've always wondered in a morbidly fascinated way.

We do talk to them! We treat them as the people that they are. We really take care of them and look after them when they are with us. We like to treat them how we would want one of our own loved ones treated.

DONT READ IF LIKELY TO BE UPSET BY IDENTIFYING A BODY POST POST MORTEM

I had to identify my father in law after his post mortem. The whoever it was at the hospital spoke to us so beautifully and kindly and respectfully and then just me into the next room. FIL was on a trolley with a blanket to his collarbone yet post mortem black stitching visible up his breastbone and round his throat. Was very very shocking.
I’ve never told dh or the other in laws

That’s not normal to show someone like that is it? I wish I’d complained quietly at the time but I didn’t want dh and fam to be more distressed (broke his neck in a care home, court case followed)

The coroner was involved when the police stood guard at his room door in the home but I've no idea why. I assumed it was some normal procedure. I was with him when he died along with my brother and a care worker so no reason to think his was a suspicious death. He had Alzheimer's and died of natural causes

Lilmad - it would likely be bad unfortunately. So sorry. It sounds like the FD made a bad situation worse though. Bad communication and problems is not helpful to a grieving family.

Wait OP, tell us about the spooky things you have seen, more details please!

There are lots of tricks for getting rings off. Lubricant, tying string round.

Really interesting reading these. What actually is the process of embalming? And what is it for?

Thank you for doing this.

Is it true that you have to get special permission to move a body across different counties - if so, is this ever refused?

If on benefits or family broke, how do you afford to die? I was saving money for the future then realised that "nest egg" will likely pay for my parents funeral. What are the cheapest they-were-loved-in-life-lets-not-make-a-fuss-in-death type funerals? I wouldn't mind dirt cheap. No frills. No extras. Just get a hole and stick them in like pets. Of course they want to be burnt up, short of putting them on a bonfire not sure how I can afford any of it. They will die but hopefully not for a LONGGGGG time.

What does it mean when someone is embalmed?

Also, at the end of the film Amadeus, a reusable coffin with a flip open end is used for the burial and he just shoots out into the grave. Do you know if that is possible in the UK? Burying a coffin seems such a waste.

If you are on benefits you can get help from the government. There are also environmental health funerals for those who have no relatives or no money.

What happens when the deceased has no known living relatives?

What happens if the clothes relatives give do not fit the body? My daughter was a newborn when she died and I always worried that the sleepsuit was too small. Would they have cut the feet to make it fit or just tucked it round her?

You do need certain permissions to repatriate a body. It depends on the country to what happens. Lots of peoples holiday insurance covers it if they die abroad.