As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

[oohnarna]

I am ready for your questions!

I will do my best to answer, I have a few bits I am doing at home but will answer regularly throughout the evening as much as I can.

@TodaysMostPopular everyone is cremated separately. If you watch a video on YouTube called Do I Get The Right Ashes? It’ll clear it all up for you x

In the funeral parlour? Where?

Eek!

Advice on celebrancy. Yes we are always worried about using a newbie as our necks are on the line if you mess it up!

Our celebrants are often requested by families because they have seen them on other funerals. You might have to offer a few freebies to get your face out there.

Networking is key. Lots of FDs are really community focussed so try and get involved so that your face gets recognised.

Get cards printed and drop in to all FDs and pens too. You never know when they might not be able to get someone or they get let down at the last minute.

In films when ashes are scattered they are really fine and powdery. When we got my Mum’s ashes back they were still a little bit griity like large instant coffee granules so you could see the porous structure of the bones. She wasn’t cremated in the UK, but is that normal? Should we have requested extra fine milling or something? We managed to scatter them just fine, but it bothered me that they were still vaguely recogniseable as human remains.

when someone dies, what order do things happen in? Who calls you, for instance? And will you collect the body without the family being there from, say, hospital?

@oohnarna May I ask you some questions via private message please? I would ask on this thread but the questions may be upsetting to some posters due to the nature of the subject.

@TodaysMostPopular everyone is cremated separately. If you watch a video on YouTube called Do I Get The Right Ashes? It’ll clear it all up for you x

Lemonade thank you! Xx

I am on the app so not sure I can get private messages ? Feel free to try though xxx

another one (a bit political) the london coroner who was forced to process deceased of certain religions as priority.
does this cause you issues? it means that time to funeral can be 4-6 weeks after death for others.

Can you give an idea of the process after someone dies. On say a " straight forward" death of an elderly person in a hospital. Do you collect them on instruction from the family? What happens when you bring them back to the funeral home? Do you wash them? Dress them?

I am not a fan of 'direct to crematorium' I think for some families they choose this because of cost and then they don't have a personal service which can effect their grieving process

Do you offer a version of a direct to crematorium service alongside your funeral service. Our family including both my elderly parents, my siblings and my own children all want a ‘direct to crematorium’ send off and it’s definitely not got anything to do with money. It’s more to do with the fact that none of us believe in the afterlife and non of us are religious. In our eyes once the person has died the body is of no relevance. We’ve all chatted about it and all seem to have the same views. I imagine that we would still have a family and friends get together just not one that involves a dead body. I could picture something like a walk along the beach and a few drinks at the pub with everyone who wants to be there.

I don’t think people should be put off choosing a direct to cremation send off if their reason for choosing it is largely based on spending as little as possible. I think it’s awful that some people feel pressure to spend more than they need to as some sort of proof of their love of the deceased person. People need to feel free to chose the type of service they want and can afford. I wonder if any funeral directors will start to offer something similar in the future.

When my dad died in his care home room, a couple of policemen were posted at the door to his room. Is that normal? What would be the reason for this?

Thank you oohnarna for starting this thread

What’s the hardest place you’ve ever had to remove a body from?

When my dad died he was upstairs at home in a tiny terraced cottage with the steepest staircase going and a 90degree angle bend top and bottom. We didn’t ring anyone until the following day so I’m fairly sure rigour Mortis had set in. The funeral people told us to stay in the kitchen and not come out, they were a long time getting him out and it was rather noisy.....I think they slid him down the stairs in the end in the bag! 🙈

what is the cheapest way to dispose of my.body when I die?

sorry to be blunt but I don't think funerals or celebrants or cars and expensive coffins are needed and don't want it as I'll be a pile.of.meat.

Sorry I did say direct to crem is absolutely fine for some families. But don't like the thought of people only opting for it because it is cheaper when really they would prefer something more. I'd rather the other 'bespoke' funerals were a a bit cheaper!

It depends where someone died to what happens.

If at home or a nursing home/hospice once the relevant paperwork has been done a call is made to the FD who will come and collect the person and bring them back to FD mortuary. Providing no coroner involvement.

If in hospital they will go to a hospital mortuary normally and the FD will collect upon clearance (not usually the same day)

If the Coroner is involved (perhaps death outside or suspicious for example) a local FD will have the coroners contract and the police will call them, they will attend and bring the person to the hospital mortuary. Where a Post Mortem May be needed.

Sod it, I'll post here.
TRIGGER Warning - GRAPHIC DETAIL Ahead!!!

My relative died at home of natural causes but due to ill mental health issues was not found for approx 3-4 days, his autopsy was done within 3 days but he was not embalmed. I was told by the FD that he couldn't be embalmed as it was too late. When I was finally allowed to be with him in his coffin in the chapel of rest the room stank of decomposition, they had opened a window and sprayed a huge amount of air freshener but the smell was very very obviously there. I thought that all funeral parlors had cold cabinets to prevent/minimize the effects of decomposition? It was awful and I left the room heaving. Can you offer any Insight into what the hell happened at that place?

I would want a direct to crem as I don't really like seeing the coffin at funerals - I appreciate that's my issue - and because I don't find God in crems.

Family can have a memorial separately if they want to, as is convenient and desirable to the living. I would have thought you could more easily avoid delay if you aren't trying to coordinate crem slot with celebrant's/family's availability etc.

Dignity in death is so important. Our recent family bereavements have definitely been eased by the professionalism of the FDs involved. Thank you.

I am trying to keep up ! Sorry if I am missing things. I will look back and answer everything when I can!

Hardest removal? At the top floor of a high rise with no lift!

Oooh so not all bodies are embalmed then OP?

I own a private woodland, can I be buried legally here?

lilmad - so sorry you went through that.

Embalming may not have been possible if nature had started to take its course.

I hope the FD briefed you appropriately on nature taking its course?

How long after the passing was the visit in the chapel of rest?