As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

[oohnarna]

I am ready for your questions!

I will do my best to answer, I have a few bits I am doing at home but will answer regularly throughout the evening as much as I can.

Thanks mytle. 👍

Favourite music, not face music

What happens if it is at a weekend or in an evening ? You cannot be sure that a Doctor who has cared for them is available to certify ? Unfortunately we are not able to certify a death as nurses where I work.

I have 2 questions:

My mum was embalmed and my brother was traumatised because he watched it being done. He won’t say anything though and it’s been over 18 years now.

Can you please explain how it’s done and what kind of chemicals are used and what they do to the body. Does the process cause involuntary movements? I’ve heard the body doesn’t decompose rapidly even when buried after being embalmed.

Also another question: you can get all sorts of expensive coffins these days, do They all have a different level of how well they are sealed? Are they tightly sealed to prevent decomposition and keep the body safe from insects etc?

Karatyde - sorry I missed your message. It's really an individual thing. It can be hard for the FD as there are certain things that are needed to be known, such as length of time you actually have to do the service, signals for music etc. However if you speak to FD and service venue for advice on this it can be absolutely fine.
I have been to a service like that and it was wonderful.

Hate summer - why did your brother watch??

oohnarna I noticed you used the term ‘passing’ do you normally refer to death that way? Do you ask relatives what term they prefer?

I think I would be unreasonably irritated if I heard someone talk about my loved one with euphemisms like that (maybe just me though)

So if say three siblings disagree over what to do after death. It’s basically first one to get hands on death certificate and register the death that gets to make all the decisions?

Akire - yes !

He didn’t want to leave her alone.

We would say 'passed away' rather then 'died' but it would depend on the context of the conversation.

My mother died in a home. I didn’t see her before or just after she died as my sister kept us in the dark as to the immediacy of her death. I saw her, with my brother, on the morning of the funeral, about 3.5 weeks later. I had seen my father and mother in law in their undertakers and they looked like them. My mother looked awful. I still dream about it. She looked like a tortured soul. She reminded me of the Alien. My brother was very upset and I was shocked but I talked to her and kissed her forehead to say goodbye. The undertaker did not warn us of how awful she looked.Would you have warned us? I’m concerned for my brother.

Was it actually an embalming or preparation without embalming? I find that shocking that he was allowed to watch an embalming to be honest.

We would always always always warn. Without a doubt.

Leggo - it depends on the person, some people find visiting in the chapel helps, others not. It is difficult to say really

I've always wondered about coffins. I went to a funeral recently of a larger lady and she had a beautiful wicker coffin. I assume they all must have a certain strength in them and lining?
Are there restrictions on the type of coffin you can have for burials and cremations? I assume woodland burials are even stricter?

Personal question - I cannot decide whether I want to be cremated or buried. Do you have a preference? My mum was cremated and dad scattered her ashes somewhere really remote so there's nowhere that I can easily visit which makes me sad.

Having recently been through a bereavement, I'd like to know what happens to the body from when it is collected from a house until it's taken to the crem please. How do you move the body from a bed to the ambulance - in a bag or covered in sheets? And then what happens when the body arrives at the FDs? Thanks very much

A lot of crems won't take certain caskets or woollen coffins.

Burial is pretty much anything is okay.

Eco - has to be eco style, wicker for example.

What would a body be like after a couple of weeks with you without embalming (in cold storage I presume if you have the body from
soon after death?)

This happened to me but the FD also added, that as i was also paying, i had the final say, the FD's are piggy in the middle and someone has to make the decisions in a dispute, there is only so much time available.

I must add, that the female FD that dealt with first my partners and then my Mums funeral was absolutely fantastic, money very well spent.

I’m not sure, all I remember is he told us mum was embalmed and he saw it happen. I was quite young so never questioned it. If he wouldn’t have been allowed then what did he see?

Like sweetpeas / it depends really. Some people deteriorate quicker then others.

I don't want to go into too much detail. Some changes are fingers start changing colour, features become more sucken.

Certain medication can effect how quickly someone deteriorates.

Can ashes be buried in a coffin? I have my daughter’s ashes at home but want them to be buried with me so it would be a double burial at the same time with only one coffin. Would that be ok? Would her ashes be checked to make sure or confirm that is what they are or would she be left alone in her urn and tucked in with me?

It's just not something I think anyone should see. I am not a qualified embalmer but it is replacing fluids with chemicals ultimately. The end result is excellent though with a good embalmer.