As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

[oohnarna]

I am ready for your questions!

I will do my best to answer, I have a few bits I am doing at home but will answer regularly throughout the evening as much as I can.

I have been considering a woodland burial and a shroud, is the shroud something I need to reconsider or is it acceptable, what I have read about them makes it seem OK.

Toad, two of our family members have had woodland burials, they were wonderful. I think they both had cotton shrouds but am sure the OP can advise.

Thank you for this thread
Okay this is a weird one :/
If I was to go tomorrow everyone knows I want to be buried with my 9ft stainless steel pole(which breaks into thirds)
Soooo... possible?

Thanks so much for this thread, @oohnarna to you and all those posters

No wish to hijack, oohnarna is ding a fab job but jumping on as an independent family funeral director to confirm:
We don't charge for children's funerals (under 18yrs)
We allow families time to pay if necessary (and quite often have people sent to us from the co-op who won't!)
We always look after the dec'd as if they were our own family. (No FD would ever harm or injure a dec'd person)
Jewellery is always left on or returned to the family according to their instruction.
We dont embalm unless specifically requested / for repatriation. We never suture lips or use padding - we keep people as natural as possible.
We are happy to provide whatever three family wants from just a coffin or use of a hearse, to a direct cremation, to full on horse drawn funeral.
Cardboard coffins are surprisingly sturdy but check you're local crematorium accept them as not all do.
Wicker type coffins should be strong and well built - the standard varies hugely so ask to see an actual example (sadly some FD buy in cheap ones to make more money)
Query earlier re foot of coffin sloping out from base to lid - this is the standard design of most coffins. Peoples feet tend to slope this way too.

Is this true:
Our FD said they require a list of who is allowed to visit the body and a reason for this is because there are sick people out there who try to visit random bodies and do “things” to them.
Very sick

My mother was an alcoholic and died young at 38 I was asked if I wanted to see her I said no anyway but was told she would be in a bag like a hazardous bag inside a coffin as she had hepitis. Would this have been true?

Thank you to the doctor up thread who explained about people's faces not necessarily reflecting their last moments. That has really helped me as I can still see my Dad's face shortly after he died, I remember saying to the nurse in the room 'that's not my Daddy', I guess they may have used equipment to try and resuscitate him plus changes had started, despite us going into the room soon after he died. Anyway I can't remember your name because I had to sit and think for a while but thank you for explaining that.

Thank you so much @oohnarna!

How is it that Jewish funerals are arranged so quickly when other funerals seem to take so long?

Do the synagogue send someone to the funeral home to help prepare / watch over the body?

Thank you so much!

Fascinating thread. Can I ask: what happens if the deceased is cremated and the jewellery (say a wedding ring) is left on the body? Is that even permitted?

If someone dies and has contagious diseases are they treated differently(health and safety purposes)and can they be buried or do they have to be cremated(and does this kill any pathogens?)

We had a meh experience with co op.i don't like they have a clothing bank right outside either .it almost implies dump off clothes here now they don't need them....

When dp mum died suddenly of pancreatic cancer we opt a family run business and they were wonderful.i felt they treated both her and my partner with equal sensitivity and couldn't do enough to make her send off exactly how she would've wanted it.it gave my partner so much comfort

Much appreciated thread

@Shrimpi - Not at all, thank you for chipping in with your thoughts.

I appreciate you can't say for sure but what you said does make sense and I suspect probably was the case. It has helped to think it was natural and have a likely reason why, I was upset for a long time thinking something wrong was happening to her body so thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Can I also say that the Doctors in the CCU were wonderful and even took the time a couple of weeks after to sit down and answer my questions. Things happened so quickly that I don't think I took it all in at the time so the debrief helped so much.

When I visit chapel of rest to see my nan I was with my mum and baby daughter,the lovely funeral director said “ I will watch the little one while you go in” well it was a good job he did as I took one look at nan and screamed the place down,she looked absolutely hideous (I’ve seen several people shortly after death,and I guess that’s what I was expecting,but it was a week later and truly awful,I’ve said I’d never ever go again and haven’t since that day and that was 20 years ago

I saw my Nan recently. She's the first body I've seen so didn't know what to expect. I wanted to go on my own and was so glad I did.
My first impression was that it was something from a horror film, but I stayed. She was 102 and
I'll be honest it wasn't a pretty sight. It was 6 days after she died.
I found if I sat at one particular side of her she looked ok and familiar. I wasn't sure how long I should stay but I sat with her for about 15 minutes and spent the time remembering her. Then I began to talk to her and sat and chatted for a while.
For me it made the funeral less upsetting as I'd already had that peaceful time thinking of her. And I felt I'd said my goodbyes already.
I wouldn't hesitate to visit anyone again if and when the time comes.

Thanks for your help on this thread op. Another question- can someone who has been embalmed have a woodland burial?

Can I ask people’s opinions. When you die would you like people to visit you afterwards to say goodbye etc or would you rather your family didn’t see you that way? I remember seeing a family member after death and felt so bad because I had a strong feeling they would have been really uncomfortable with the idea.

Shrimpi

Thank you so much for your post. My nan died from sepsis in January, we left at the end of visiting time - 8pm because nobody had warned us her death was imminent, we were phoned at around 8.20 while on the way home and by the time we had got back she had already gone (I have a feeling she went before they phoned us). Her face had changed dramatically in colour in just 40 minutes and her mouth was open with tongue protruding and it looked almost black. I ran into the bay and saw her like this before anyone could warn me that she had passed away. I feel quite traumatised still about this. Was the sepsis the reason for the quick change of colour?

Oohnarna, the FD said there would be extra charge for us to be able to view my nan at the funeral parlour. My grandad didn’t want to view her and so that was that but I was quite distressed for a while because I wanted to visit her while she was at the funeral home. Why would there be an extra charge?

@Cutyourshakehole, my coffin will be nailed down, I would prefer my family to remember me, as I was before.

@sj257

I'm no expert in this and it's only my speculation but it would make sense as many changes such as discolouration after death are caused by bacteria. Sepsis by definition involves bacterial infection as a principal cause or triggering factor. Sepsis may also lead to simultaneous multi-organ failure (as opposed to sudden catastrophic failure of one organ) and in living persons can cause discolouration or loss of extremities as the body is shutting down.

Whereas, if there is another cause of death, the bacteria (which are normal and healthy in living persons) are located in the bowels and stay more localised until the bowels disintegrate, giving a little more time.

There are pronably other individual factors at play too.

@Shrimpi

Thank you, she went into hospital on New Year’s Eve and died on the 10th Jan. her hands were very bloated but they kept the rest of her covered and we left when they turned her (she would scream in pain 😞) so I’ve no idea what condition the rest of her body was in. It was all such a shock, she was only 79, old but not in today’s terms I don’t think.... I miss her so very much

There was a rather embarrassing and unusual cock-up over my late husband's death certificate. He died at the age of 78 from heart disease and related problems 7 years ago. Having spent several months in hospital, I managed to get him into a local nursing home for what I knew would be his last days. He was transferred to the n/home on the Tuesday, and died the following (Wednesday) night at 11.30 pm. Because the n/home's GP hadn't seen him after his admittance, the home contacted our GP surgery for a GP to certify his death, and due to the late hour, a locum was sent out.
I went to the home the following morning to say a last good-bye, and collect the death cert. Then went to register the death with the Registrar - there are quite a few questions and forms to fill out. The funeral was arranged to take place about 14 days later.
A few days later, I had a call from the Registrar to say that something rather irregular had happened, and the death cert. was invalid, and that I would get a call from the Coroner in due course. He phoned me later that day, and told me that as the locum who had signed the cert. had never had contact with my husband, she wasn't qualified to certify him, and therefore, a PM would be necessary to establish the correct cause of death - he was VERY nice, and extremely apologetic about the whole business. He hoped it wouldn't delay the funeral and would let me know.
Apparently the locum had decided that Ischaemic heart disease was the cause of death, but after the PM, it transpired that he actually died of pulmonary hypertension (he had a pulmonary embolism) and heart failure.
Fortunately, the funeral wasn't delayed and went ahead on the day, but there was yet another bit of a cock-up at the crem service. Husbands daughters had stipulated that the curtains were NOT to be closed at the end, but the wrong button was pushed and the curtains closed! Much flustering by the Humanist minister who was to blame, and eventually the curtains were opened again.
I had to have a wry smile at these hitches, as my husband was a bit bolshy, and could be a PITA sometimes, a little chaotic, and it seemed as though even his final journey wasn't going to go according to plan.
I would be interested to know whether errors on death certificates are a rare event, it would certainly seen so from what I was told.

shutyourcakehole nail mine shut also
I want my loved ones to remember me as I was alive and moving

Thank you @oohnarna this thread is so eye opening. I’m lucky enough to have never had to grieve for someone yet but my dh did for his late father and we spoke at length about him seeing/not seeing his ddad after the (expected) death. He didn’t but he’s never sure if he did the right thing. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong thing to do. This was dh first experience of death as well so we both were clueless.

I do wish we’d talk about death and the process thereafter more.

@Ilikesweetpeas or local natural burial ground states "Embalming is only allowed under exceptional circumstances such as repatriation"
(It's such an invasive process, and possibly the least eco friendly thing you can possibly do)

Just wanted to pass on sympathies to all who are still healing after their losses.
Close friends are funeral directors. They regard it as the last thing that anyone will ever do for you, so they take pride in doing it kindly and well.