Household objects that are pricks

[TossDaily]

My toaster, for one. Shits crumbs everywhere, no matter how often you clean it out. I swear it holds them back and waits for an inconvenient moment to let rip.

My hoover is a fucking clumsy twat as well. It keeps tripping over its own lead and pulling its plug out.

Anyone else got a deep hatred of their so-called labour-saving devices?

yes I'm bored of cleaning now

I thought it was me sending bad juju to printers and photocopiers all these years but I see from this thread that they are simply pure grade A fuckers.

My oven maybe related to yours ‘ginger’! Evil fits!

Those of you with fridge alarms. Mine used to go off randomly any time of the day or night thinking it was open but it fucking wasn't. One day the bastard bath overflowed, the ceiling collapsed and the water killed the cunting thing.

Every cloud and all that.

Ah yes the printer. It waits until you absolutely have to print something important then flashes up a gleeful message telling you there is an error. My sodding expensive heap of black staticky plastic dustgathering heap of shit doesn't even specify what the error is.

Here's the thing. You get up, nonchalantly shrug your shoulders and say ah well I can print that at work tomorrow as you saunter off into the hall. An hour later the evil beast will splutter into life and spit out your printing trying to use as much ink and paper as possible to get its revenge. It has even been known to wait until everyone has gone to bed and then printed four copies of the same thing.

My toaster is on the tray so crumbs are all falliyin there. Saves me going kuku...

Cables. Hanging around everywhere. Always grimy, always annoying, too short or too long.

Oven doors, designed in such a way as they can never be satisfied with a quick wipe. Require a specialist with an NVQ in groove cleaning and then back to minging again after one roast and two baked potatoes.

Fire alarm. We don't smoke, or have a real fire, or in fact have anything at all hot or on fire. But it shrieks for no reason at 3am, waking everyone up.

The old ironing board. It'd wait until you'd got something all smoothed out on it, the iron ready to go (filled with water, belching out steam). Then it'd collapse, tipping everything onto the floor.

My bastard cupboard door handles. They literally inveigle themselves into my waistband/pockets)belt to trap me and freak me out. I can hear them bloody sniggering, I swear...

My bastard cupboard door handles. They literally inveigle themselves into my waistband/pockets)belt to trap me and freak me out. I can hear them bloody sniggering, I swear...

You can get stove stand for that I got mine on line just can't remember website. It was cheap. Very useful for mocca stove too. I think it was e-spears.com

Mumsnet on my desktop computer where I cant turn off the fucking side slidey ads and they drive me nuts even though I have every known ad blocker known to fucking woman installed - Why? How? How do they creep past? WTF?

I have muted my washing machine, emasculated my toaster, microwave cooker, all other appliances and even the kettle - everything else is non smart so fuck you I've won :) But noooo because the desk top she says No oooooo

I'm an Engineeer. I have A Fancy Certificate and did a Proper Honours Degree with a Proper Graduation ceremony and all, with ceremonial obligatory gowns and Ceremonial Mortar Board -hat- doffing

Despite this, I STILL have fucking issues with fucking machines - even though I probably wrote some of their software and/or designed or made some of their hardware - I suspect they see me coming and recognise me.

Fuckers, the lot of them. I vote for cooking on a camp fire using wood. Lots and lots of wood. Do not use the machines!

Bastarding broadband is slower than an asthmatic donkey

Turned off the alarm on my fridge freezer so that it didn't beep when the door was left open. Well worth it. I'll notice it eventually

My oven is an incompetent shit that will leave half a tray of chips burned and the other half still frozen. And will a frozen pizza in 4 minutes.

Dick

Washing machine. It hates be because I use it 2+ times a day and decides to bounce it’s drum dramatically like I’ve filled it with fucking breeze blocks. It just sits under the counter whizzing and whining at me all day and feeling sorry for itself. I paid good money for it and it just hates doing its job.

Window latch. The one it DS’s room. It doesn’t like acrylic and so far has broken numerous nails. Fucking arsehole.

My hoover. The wire plugs into the hallway and reaches every single inch of the floor downstairs apart from a teeny tiny corner of the living room. Literally about 3 square inches. It drives me crazy and I am considering buying a new hoover with a longer wire because I am sick of unplugging the hoover and then going to the living room where I have to unplug my air freshener and then plug in the hoover and use it for 10 seconds then unplug the hoover and re-plug the air freshener to do this itty bitty corner that seems to be a magnet to dust and bits and dog hair.

I have a new one as of the last 10 minutes.

Toilet seats! Every single time I use the loo at 2am it WILL fall shut with an almighty clatter, scaring the shit out of me, sends the cat mental and DP wake in a fright to see if I'm okay.
It's only me it does it with too, bloody bastarding thing, I can hear it laughing with the loo brush which likes to jump out at me at any given moment as well, usually 4am when it's pitch black and I can't see a thing.
might say more about me and not turning lights on than the loo brush

YY to the TV turning itself off at mysterious intervals. Also the hoover not picking up dirt but spreading an obnoxious smell.

Any fucking bastard with a cord.

The hair dryer, hair tongs, headphones

As soon as I turn around the bastards coil and tangle themselves and say
'That will serve you right - now spend the time you don't have to fucking untangle me'

It's kitchen drawers that wind me up. The fronts just decide to drop off. Usually when I am in the middle of cooking and I need something. No super glue on earth will hold them in.

Arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it too early for ?

The Gordon Ramsey waffle iron can piss off. A screw came out and can't be fitted back. Now i have to lean my entire weight on the damn thing to stop a slow spread of undercooked batter oozing out and taking over the kitchen like something out of a primal swamp.

My dishwasher, its so fucking needy. Look at me, look at me... I can’t clean properly, wash out my arms. Even the dog chewed its undercarriage.

I stayed in a self-catering apartment and simply could not work out how to operate the coffee maker or microwave. I gave up on the coffee and somehow, by randomly pressing various buttons, sort of got the microwave to work. Massively over designed, so many choices, that’s my excuse anyway.

Clothes horse (washing airer) how many fingers are humans supposed to possess!

Love the asthmatic donkey!