Household objects that are pricks

[TossDaily]

My toaster, for one. Shits crumbs everywhere, no matter how often you clean it out. I swear it holds them back and waits for an inconvenient moment to let rip.

My hoover is a fucking clumsy twat as well. It keeps tripping over its own lead and pulling its plug out.

Anyone else got a deep hatred of their so-called labour-saving devices?

yes I'm bored of cleaning now

'Eye level' anything especially oven shelves. They are only eye level if you're approximately 6 foot 2 in slippers. Little old 5 foot 3 me has a lovely collection of burn scars on my arms from when the oven shelves didn't want me to take dinner out of the oven. Evil heightist sod.

Oh, and while we're about it, 'self-cleaning' ovens. Who do they think they're kidding? Right up there with self-cleaning irons that vomit all over your shirts and non iron trousers with indelible crumple marks from when they were last spun.

Tumble dryer is an attention seeking twat. Printer also has delusions of grandeur, it's very picky about what it will print.
Kettle is an incontinent bastard too.

Calman you might do better with an old-fashioned stove top kettle, especially if you have a gas hob. They do still exist - ILs have one on standby for power cuts.

Freezer beeps if the door is open, which is, on the face of it, quite useful. But it then carries on beeping until it's got cold enough again. Beeps far enough apart for you to think it's stopped beeping, then suddenly 'beep'.

New microwave just keeps beeping until you open the door. Unlike the freezer, which beeps relatively quietly, the microwave is really loud and insistent.

New oven also has a whole array of beeps.

As does new dishwasher.

The kids have worked out which annoying beep means what, but to me, rather like chart music, it all sounds the same and makes me see a red mist.

Oh yes I have a beeping fridge too. Really irritating when you’re trying to put a food shop away but also useful if you’re forgetful like me and sometimes forget to shut the door properly.

Thanks for this thread I am bedbound after a brutal bout of sickness and diarrhoea and knowing that you lot share my appliance misery has cheered me up no end

I'm a chilled out, happy person. Very occasionally I loose my rag, and it's a very spectacular moment after much aggravation.
My two greatest blowouts of the past decade were:

1. (for context) Enduring 4 days in a train carriage with a spectacularly annoying person before PMT kicked in on the final day and exploding when he expected us to sit in silence instead of whispering because diddums wanted a nap.

2. The HP printer... I don't think full details are necessary... Needless to say I was in a rush, and there were print cartridges, fresh paper, umpteen trips up and down the stairs and much resetting of the printer and computer involved in trying to crack the correct specific timing in order to form a connection.
   Yes, I have jumped up and down in rage, shouting obscenities and threatening to lob the fucking thing out of the window. I only repressed the urge because I didn't have time to sweep my driveway up!

I now have a surprisingly amenable Kodak printer which does fancy shit like printing with about 80% compliance!

Bluetooth things that can't be seen by the connecting devices

ITS RIGHT FUCKING HERE YOU BASTARD! HERE!!

I also give you this.

I have given up trying to print to our wireless printer at home.. and either do without or email it to work and do it there. Given that we have a specific 'it's acceptable to print x sheets of paper per day for personal use ' clause in our IT policy, I suspect it is what everyone else does too.

Not a household object but asda self scanners are the ultimate prick of all self scanners (and less face it they are all arseholes) they expect you to bad your item within a tenth of a second and once they have your money they want nothing more to do with you. By the time you have returned your purse to your bag it has demanded at least 9 times for you to take your shopping and leave!

Booboo66 it's the people in front of me when I'm queuing that I get fed up with in Asda when using the big conveyor belt self scanners... they take bloody forever sorting out their bags, faffing around etc with a million items while I'm there jiggling my crying baby desperately wanting to just pay for my bread and milk and go home!

tossdaily my bloody George Foreman decided to twat me in the face and land on my foot totha day.... handle came off as I was lifting it to use!
I bought a lovely Hoover that was clearly designed for a Wendy house as the lead is so fecking short i need to have an extension lead on it just for the one room! My old Hoover had a lead long enough you only plugged it in once and it did my whole house.... not this lazy fucker!!
Last week my bullet type nutriblender decided that it's seal was going to break when full of beautifully blended sticky smoothie.... little fucker still laughing at me as i find dried up bits of banana smoothie a week later in random places and it reached further than my lazy added Hoover!!!

My steam Iron is a knob, It is great until you want to iron 1 thing in a rush and it decides it needs to self clean... cue 5 mins of descaling and then it insists on being emptied and refilled with fresh water before it'll even consider heating up to iron something..... I swear it susses out how much it has to iron before throwing its tantrum!

purplestars Yep add my delightful car into that as well I swear to God he thinks he is hunting an elephant in the savannas when he launches himself at me as i am walking down the stairs!!! Along with anti cleaning the house!

My dishwasher.. stuff comes out dirties than it went in most times. We rent the house and it's part of the fixtures and fittings so I can't get rid of the damn thing. It's useless

CAT not car!!!
Oh another household appliance my tumble drier LUURVES burning clothes- melts anything synthetic even on the low setting so instead of soft and fluffy it's now crispy on top including my son's favourite bear that was too large to self dry... apparently there is nothing wrong with it either

Persis I have the same problem when I put something on the car passenger seat. How the flip can it think a pint of milk is a person?

Also the TiVo. I'm happily watching something then suddenly 'about the start recording. Ok to change channel?' gets splatted across the screen. No, it's not ok. The thing it wants to record is some programme it has inexplicably decided I might like, not one I've asked for. Why would I want to stop watching a programme I've chosen to record something I wouldn't watch in a month of Sundays?

My toilet seat is a crunt! Yes I know I need to lose a few pounds but seriously.... slipping off and pretending there’s been an earthquake every time I sit down! Ffs!

😄😄 dog shit robot Hoover wins 😄

I'm also crying at burning your ear on the hob

Garage doors are nobheads

Our washing machine eats it's own rubber seal, the absolute wankbadger. The landlord won't believe that it's not something I'm doing!
Also the loo seat tries to close on you when you're mid pee.

Not household item but there's a photocopier at work that is a total prick. It chews up paper, jams randomly, has temper tantrums because even though it's got thousands of sheets of A4 paper in it it fancies using the empty paper tray rather than one of the three full trays. 😡

Stupid bastarding Asus transformer laptop.
It can be a laptop, it can be a tablet. Unless, of course, you actually want it to.
Every now and again the keyboard loses connection with the screen. Oh, sorry, were you trying to battle a zombie on Minecraft? Nope, not recieving input from the keys now.
Oh you idiot, you tried to use the touch screen. I made the right noise, but I have ignored what you did.
I have yet to meet a vacuum cleaner that isn't an utter bastard. My Miele is a bastard, though not as bad as the previous Dyson. It hasn't actually tried to kill me yet, just wound me.
As for the handheld vacuum cleaner… holds charge for about three minutes, sucks with all the power of an athsmatic mouse.

Oh and stupid wanking computer security software. Yes, I really do want to be bothered with a million pop ups to tell me the "performance tasks are complete" or that there are no viruses or crap to make me pay for extra services I don't want.
Ironically, the only time we haven't been bothered was when it mysteriously stopped working.

Corkscrews. I hate them. I have broken several trying to get the damn things to pull out corks. I now just buy screw top wine.

Argh washing machines - we had a beeping AEG with matching tumble dryer (to those with the lazy tumblers - I missed a filter - out AEG had 3! And they all had to be frequently like every 3 loads or it would do that)

Then we had a Hoover, which made all the noise, and refused to do what I actually asked it, it would always pick it’s own program, and veer between not bothering to dry, and spending 4 hours drying stuff to a crisp.

Now we have a nice, simple, obedient Bosch.