Talk Round-up
Earlier this week we received the very sad news that longstanding Mumsnetter CatThiefKeith had passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly. In her honour, we've brought together the very best of her Mumsnet witticisms for this week’s Talk Round-Up. This one's for you, Keith. 
We've all done daft things after a drink - said something we regret, been sick in the hallway...or, if you're CatThiefKeith, done a spot of questionable online shopping.
"I've apparently 'won' these beauties in an online charity auction," she groaned. "Wine is my only excuse."
Eggs
Er, they're...well. They're something alright.
"How much did you pay for them?" asked TooManyButtons.
"Two quid for the pair!" replied Keith cheerfully. "I vaguely remember thinking they would make a good talking point."
As it happens, many Mumsnetters are partial to a spot of drunken consumerism.
"I bought a head torch once because I was pretending to be a mole," confessed WallToWallBastards. "Took me a while after delivery to work out why I'd bought it in the first place."
"Reminds me of DH's mate, who in a very drunken moment won an eBay bid for four tyres for a Porsche. He didn't have a Porsche at the time and still hasn't." MinesaPinot sighed.
AudreyBradshaw was hardcore, and did her drunken shopping in person: "I once went to Asda slightly inebriated and bought 18 bananas, two Pot Noodles, a packet of Jammie Dodgers and a Connect 4 board game."
Meanwhile, Frouby was still trying to think of a use for Keith's eggs.
"Do you have any DCs in your life you dislike? You could pass them off as luxury Hatchimals and tell the DC they need to hold them for as long as it takes to hatch them," she suggested thoughtfully.
"Or maybe they will hatch. Maybe you'll wake one night to a cracking noise and find an ancient ninja doing battle with a dragon in your dining room."
Well, that'd certainly be £2 well spent.
Tent
"My fecking sister bought a tent yesterday," announced CatThiefKeith. "She begged me to help her put it up as she didn't know how, promised DD and my nieces they could sleep in it, then got sfaced and has gone to bed. Both nieces have bottled out, but DD was already asleep inside, so I had to get in. Now there's a f thunderstorm going on and some b** has locked the back door! What's the betting the poxy tent is going to leak?"
"Is there no way of calling one of them to let you in?" asked Sparechange. "Or can you throw pebbles at a window to wake someone up, like they do in films?"
Keith shook her head. "They all sleep at the front of the house and I'm out the back. Too lardy to scale the side gate. My phone is indoors and I am Mumsnetting from DD's iPad. Besides - it's chucking it down. If I get soaked through and nobody wakes up I will be even more pissed off," she sighed. "Even worse - the wine is indoors. I'm supposed to be taking all the kids to archery tomorrow. I might bring an arrow home to ram up her arse."
"Aren't you worried about getting darked on?" gasped Bluefrog26.
"If you don't get in the house the slugs will come and get you in the night," warned notangelinajolie gravely.
"Slugs don't scare me," said Keith bravely. "The fact that I am just a few feet from a spooky ancient wood does a little bit though. Monks are rumoured to haunt them - I've never seen them but my uncle claims to have. The woods are also full of massive holes and tunnels, all fenced off. Nobody really knows what they are for, but they’re full of rare bats."
"Well you've got the full set there: dark woods, monks, bats, tunnels, torrential rain," nodded AdaColeman. "Scooby Doo will be along to rescue you shortly."
Drunk
And finally, we leave you with the wisdom shared by CatThiefKeith and friends in the thread entitled "Drunken lessons I have learned".
"Do not blow out a candle with a mouth full of cheese and crackers. Generally, going backto your neih.ours for an extra glass iof wein is not necessaey. If yocpost on mn drhunk, hide tgread immediately afterwards. Smlhe and tje whole world smipes with you!" announced a suitably sozzled Keith.
"Sleeping bag races down the stairs hurt," contributed a remorseful AgentZigzag.
"Do not attempt Flaming Sambucas using a plastic shot glass, or put the flame out with the palm of your hand. It will leave a permanent scar," winced ClothesPegs.
"Don't let yourself be persuaded by mutual friends that it will be ok for you to go to your ex-boyfriend's house party," cringed Sophita. "You will see him kissing a girl, and your drunken revenge master plan will be to go to his bedroom, sticky-tape all his boxer shorts to the ceiling, make a desktop display of his athlete's foot cream and hair-straighteners, and write 'cunt' on his pillow in lipstick."
And finally, from Tapirbackrider's DH:
"Never go for a piss, forget to tuck yourself away, then todger-dance up the street singing Do Ya Think I'm Sexy towards a police car. Then, when confronted by the occupants of the police car, do not throw yourself over the bonnet, call them rude names, or vomit over yourself and the car."
All sterling advice, of course - and thank you, CatThiefKeith, for the many belly laughs and kind words you provided Mumsnet users with over the years.