The Mumsnet Commandments of Housekeeping

[Bitchfromhell]

1. Thou shalt not bleach thine pants.

No matter if they are your good m&s ones, and even if they are quite new and only a little bit grey. Thou shalt invoke the wrath of thine fanjo no matter how well thou thinkest they have been rinsed.

Please add your own Housekeeping Commandments, borne out of bitter experience, as a checklist for those of us hard of brain cell. And so I don't feel quite so alone in my idiocy.

And as an addendum to Commandment 1. I would like to add; especially not with co-op 45p loo bleach. No good can come of it.

Thout shall not own a loo brush.
I've already failed this one

Thou shalt wash and disinfect everything several times a day. Anything else is apparently grim.

Thou shalt not allow the arse cheeks of any tradesperson to sully the porcelain of thy toilet.

Thou shalt use zoflora on the loo seat or better still on the arse cheeks of said tradesman.

Thou shalt not let washing get darked on or attacked by spider willies

Thou shalt not spray cuprinol over poor defenceless pigeons!

Thou shalt place a flea collar in thy hoover bag to avoid thy Miele being flea-ridden

Thou shalt readeth the Kondo Bible thrice daily, which guideth to the true way of tidinesseth.

Thou shall employ other people to clean but still have to tidy up beforehand less cleaner thinks your a lazy harlot

Thou shalt endeavour with all thy will to always be the first to purchase a new Zoflora fragrance, particularly "special editions".

Thou shalt change thy bed on the hour, every hour.

Thou dealt not let thine cleaner within 40 yards of the paint cupboard.

*Shalt.
Bloody wine

Giles I have had a brain wave about darking laundry. I was ambling round on the Internet a couple of days ago and came upon an asthma help site. Parents with asthmatic/eczema/ hay fever suffering children were advised to get laundry in before dusk as that is when pollen is most prevalent. Absolutely no idea if it is scientifically correct or a load iof woooo. Article said if children were given bedding etc which had been out late (darked on?) could get ill quite quickly.Misses point of thread.

Thou shalt use Zofla liberally wherever poo crumbs have been found.

Thou shalt use flagons of bleach and medicinal wipes at every opportunity with no care and no thought for this pleasant green land in which we live!

Thou shalt not engage brain in rational thought if you can get someone else to do it. (or read instructions or anything 'icky').
Flame me, ban me, I don't care anymore!

Thou shalt never welcome advice from thy Mother in Law in relation to the home. Indeed, it is preferred that said women is kept at an arm's length away from thy threshold at all times.

Thou shalt never have a toilet brush in your home.

Thou shalt never bung it all in together with a scoop of surf on "cotton 40" and hope for the best. Thou shalt divideth thy laundry into many loads. To wit: whites, lights (but not whites), brights, darks, heavily soiled, sheets, tea towels, and towels.

ALAS I FORGOTETH THE WOOLENS.

Thou shalt not bung the woolens in on 'cotton 40.' Thou really ought to separateth them out, and hand washeth or 'woolen cycle' them unless thou enjoyeth the pilling and strange smell.

Thou shalt engage a fancy stunt bottle of hand soap for guests, and woe betide any dunce from thine own household caught using fancy stunt soap.
Ditto fancy fruits e.g. Pineapple.

Thou shalt accept that should thou owneth a dog, thy house shalt smell like a kennel, no matter how mouth thou doth protest that it dost not.

Nay verily, even should thine own mother, who is brutally honest on such matters and liveth 100 miles away without a dog and therefore ist not immune to thy dwelling house's aromas swears blind that there be no canine odour around, thou ist fooling only thineself according to ye Fearsome Gods of Mumsnet.

Thou shalt rinse disposable nappies in the loo to disposeth of the poop before sullying thine wheelie bin with the nappy, assuming thou ist even using disposables, thou lazy wretch.

Thou shalt own 4 washing machines, so none of your fabrics may become cross contaminated. Each member of the household needs their own set of washing machines, though the kitchen fabric machine may be communal as a last resort.

1. underwear 2)tea towels and oven gloves
2. bedding and towels
3. clothes